Tag Archives: relationships

Eve Maler – Managing Online Relationships

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Eve Maler is a Principal Engineer at Sun Microsystems, developing interoperability strategies and leading partner engagements related to web services, security, and identity.

Eve was one of the inventors of the Extensible Markup Language (XML), a key technology for worldwide electronic communications. She has also made major leadership, technical, and educational contributions to other successful standards, such as the Security Assertion Markup Language (SAML), the Liberty Alliance, the Universal Business Language (UBL), and DocBook.

When dealing with websites and online vendors of all sorts, the price we’re forced to pay in order to get differentiated service is to “hand over the data” – data about us that’s sensitive, valuable, and personal. It fragments not only the pieces of information that represent us online, and not only our sense of control, but our actual influence over these relationships.

The Vendor Relationship Management movement has captured the imagination of many individuals who want a more equal partnership with their online partners, and many vendors who want to attract customers more successfully. Do “classic” user-centric identity approaches change the balance of power, or just make it easier for us to consent to data-sharing we have no say in anyway? We’ll look at new approaches that may help to create an ecosystem of greater mutual respect among all online parties.

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Giving Relationship Advice

I’m not a doctor, and I’m certainly no relationship counselor, but that didn’t stop “Freedman” for reaching out for a bit of help:

I’ve been watching your videos for about two months now. You go into all sorts of topics, not just technology. I love your videos and enjoy watching them. Your videos never have a bias opinion and always give me a welcomed feeling.

I’m writing to you at this hour because my girlfriend pulled a fast one on me. After three years of on and off dating, she tells me she doesn’t love me anymore. She has done this many times in the past, and we’ve gotten back together four times since 2004. She says that she can’t live life with out me in it. But then when we start dating time after time, she wants out of the relationship.

I’m fed up with the emotional roller coaster that I’ve been on. We came to two choices. Either stay in the relationship with the absence of her love. Or break up and sever all contact with each other.

Should I just leave it all behind and start over? Or should I keep trying? Deep down inside, I feel as if I keep trying, there will be a reward at the end; the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m just so overwhelmed with frustration.

Well, Freedman… no matter her age, it sounds as though she’s not mature enough to handle a relationship. She doesn’t know what she wants! “There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”

You’re a fool for sticking with her, or thinking that time (magically) will make it all better. There are plenty of fish in the sea, dude – and it doesn’t matter what kind of guy you are. You’re better off spending your time and energy on someone else, or at least searching for someone else. I don’t care what kind of history you have with Little Miss Wishy-washy… make a clean break from her.

She doesn’t know if she loves you or not? That’s her problem, not yours. The bigger issue is that you’ve forgiven her countless times, and she’ll continue to abuse that privilege. Be careful with future girlfriends, too – because you’re likely to fall for the same kind of woman, and those relationships could turn out to be equally as abusive.

For whatever it’s worth, I’d say the same thing about this situation if the gender roles were reversed – because the shoe, quite often, is on the other foot.

Relationship Humor

Ponzi and I have been married for a little over a year now, and it’s been pretty amazing – no joke. I can’t imagine my life without her, if only because she has given me a true reason to live. I’m not just trying to score public brownie points here (or make the rest of you look bad). There’s no secret to how we make things work, since we both work with one another from the comfort of our own home: HAVING A SENSE OF HUMOR.

There are days when our respective funny bones aren’t in sync, but those days are few and far between when we’re really in the thick of things – it’s when we get bored that things tend to get stressful. Because of that, I’ve been given giggle-clearance to post the following comics… which means, when Ponzi saw the images, she giggled (which I believe is akin to giving me permission to continue sharing them with the world).

And now, let’s see if I can get a giggle out of you:

Every Argument I Have

It's Just a Comic Strip

I swear, these conversations really happened (well, maybe the comics were BASED on actual conversations). I think I’ll continue with the comic catharsis indefinitely (when inspiration strikes).

Dating Geeks

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MBonzo is a regular community contributor, who happens to be writing an eBook full of dating tips for Geeks. Here are his top five (or six!) tips.

  • Be presentable. What I mean by this, is that you’ll never be able to get the cute girl at the party if you smell like tuna sandwiches. Stay well-groomed and find a look that suits you well. Start buying some nice clothing from places other than the salvation army. Once you have started choosing what you are going to wear, pick out a cologne that you really enjoy, this gives yourself an identity and you will boost your self confidence.
  • Be Confident. It is easy to say “I am confident” but it is much different to actually be confident. Grooming yourself, working out, creating your own identity can boost your confidence in great ways. Personally…The way I came across confidence was from everyone saying that women like “a**holes.” Its not that girls like guys that steal little kids ice cream, its that they are looking for somebody that knows that they are attractive. I started jokingly boasting to my friends that I know how hot I am, I eventually developed a very cocky attitude that shows my confidence.
  • Be Sociable. When I say sociable, I mean that you have to be able to have a conversation about something other than the typical nerdiness. Read the news and know whats going on in the world. When I first began mastering dating, I typically liked to read digg and the onion everyday so that when I got into a conversation with a girl I could mention more than how nice the weather is. Try to talk about offbeat things, this will make you stand out.
  • Change your outlook. To start mastering dating you have to put all these tips together and create a new outlook. Be sure to view yourself from a third-person perspective to catch your mistakes. Also be aware that women are not different animals, boosting your self-esteem should bring you to the realization that you are in no way below any attractive woman.
  • Just get her number. You would be surprised how easy it is to just get someone’s number when you are confident. Even if you are slightly overweight or unattractive women will not rule you out as dating material, in that sense you are lucky to be a guy. If you feel the connection just tell her you would like to meet up with her another time and ask her for her number. PLEASE DO NOT USE PICKUP LINES!!!! Sorry for the all caps but if you are interested in dating this girl just stay away from the fallen angel bit.
  • BONUS TIP! Even if you consider yourself a good dater or you have a girlfriend or wife you should study body language. Go ahead and google body language to see the slight ticks that can show a girl that you are not confident being yourself. Communication is said to be 70% body language so a good goal in life is to master it. Eye-contact is probably the most important of all body language.


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Gnomedex Sex

Susan Mernit wants to talk about sex at Gnomedex:

I’m going to be talking about sex and relationships at Gnomedex this year–specifically about the bloggers, vbloggers, podcasters and photographers who are using Web 2.0 tools to give voice to their longings and experiences with a vitality unmatched since the Victorian era and the communities forming around these topics. This isn’t a talk about porn, though much of this work is erotic; it’s a talk about how digital identities (masked and cloaked in many cases) have enabled regular people–many of them geeks–to build a frank and authentic shadow world focused on free expression, sharing, and sexual celebration–and to connect with one another.

This is going to be an interesting discussion. Albeit an awkard one with my parents in the room. I still remember “the talk.”