You Drink Too Much Coffee When

1. Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you.
2. You get a speeding ticket… even when you're parked.
3. You answer the door before people knock.
4. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
5. You have to watch videos in fast-forward mode.
6. You lick your coffeepot clean.
7. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
8. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
9. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
10. You can type 60 words per minute… with your feet.
11. Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
12. You walk 20 miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
13. When you find a penny, you say, “Find a penny, pick it up… 63 more, I'll have a cup!”
14. When someone says “How are you?” you say “Good to the last drop.”
15. You're offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
16. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
17. You don't tan, you roast.
18. You introduce your spouse as your “coffee mate.”
19. You talk so fast your tongue has windburn.
20. You stand in front of the microwave oven screaming, “Hurry UP!!!”

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