“Hey Daddy? I know it's only 4AM, but I think I need to do something really bad. I mean, it's good that I can do it, but it'll be bad if I have to do it inside. So, can you please wake up and take me outside? Thanks, I really appreciate it. Oh, but I'm not going to cooperate when it comes time for you to put on my leash. This doesn't mean that I love you any less, just that I would much rather do this on my own. You know what I mean? Okay, now do you mind if I find the perfect spot before I pee? That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. Oh, yeah – and I better sniff every bush between here and Peet's – which I realize isn't open this early in the morning. I don't think I'm going to empty my bladder all at once, either. And I think I need to make poopy, too. Gotta find another perfect spot, okay? Will you take me down a few more blocks? I think I'll like it over there. I know you can barely keep your eyes open, but this would really mean a lot to me. I promise this won't happen again until tomorrow at 3AM.”