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What am I saying? Translate This!

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I asked people to translate this video:

Cesardom thinks he figured it out:

Who is Keyser Soze? He is supposed to be Turkish. Some say his father was German. Nobody believed he was real. Nobody ever saw him or knew anybody that ever worked directly for him, but to hear Kobayashi tell it, anybody could have worked for Soze. You never knew. That was his power. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.

whallify gave ‘er a go:

First of all, I’d like to thank you for proving that our economy is not in a downturn. If people can randomly pay good money for an online pay-to-speak-in-tongues market, we are still good. However, while I’m on the topic, I’d like to vent a little at all you losers out there who don’t like Vista. You haven’t even tried it! You make me weep for our children. Open your eyes. YOUR EYES! ON YOUR HEAD! OPEN THEM! And try out Desktop Search. It is can haz awesommness.

jusso11 might be on the right track:

That day I installed windows vista ruined my entire experience of Microsoft. I hated it. The friggin thing crashed my computer! But then I switched to OS X and it was great, things like iPhoto, iTunes, iMovie, Keynote, Pages, Numbers, Photobooth, Safari, Camino, and EVERYTHING, so good, better than Windows. Much, much better than Windows.

LisaLeeLa believe she knows all:

There’s too much caffiene in my coffee, I feel jittery, and I need to find alternatives to wake me up and jump start my day! Doesnt help that Wicket and Pixie peed all over my clean laundry, and Ponzi yelled at me for leaving clothes out in harms way rather than putting them in the closet and drawers where they belong!

Perhaps the best translation came from lonelygirll5:

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