Weekend Warriors (Kinda)

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When you’re as busy as I am, finding the time to battle, skirmish, or otherwise participate in melee of any kind is something that just has to get put off for the weekend. Vikings never had this problem. If war was happening, they would drop whatever they were doing, get together with 50 of their closest friends, and go row a big boat shaped like a dachshund dragon to wherever the action was happening — screw the TPS reports when the rewards of Valhalla beckoned!

And sometimes, even if a war wasn’t happening, they’d drop whatever they were doing and go start one just for fun. No excuse was invalid. On a lunch break? It was fine. The supervisor (also a Viking) would clear it with human resources (by sword point or axe edge if necessary) and adjust your time card accordingly when you both (what? You thought he’d be staying behind?) got back from the pillaging.

If the rare and sad occasion came when a war was going on but the Viking was under the weather and had to call in sick, it’s not like his boss wouldn’t believe him. A Viking would rather dive headfirst — with a head cold — into the chaos of combat than miss out for having a rough case of the sniffles. Still, he’d be wracked with guilt if he spread said sniffles to his comrades from the sort of close contact that’s not only ideal for caving in the heads of unfortunate coastal villagers with a warhammer blessed by almighty Thor, but also for sharing cooties. Sure, the best Vikings were all murderous, sociopathic berserkers driven by a lust for blood and chaos that would make Conan the Barbarian look like a kindergarten teacher, but they were also team players.

Those days are, sadly, long gone. I suppose I can consider myself lucky that I at least live in an era when weekends afford me a little time to don my spear and magic helmet (spear and magic helmet?) and raise some royal heck out on the town after downing a horn of mead and sacrificing some of the neighbor’s stray livestock to Odin when they’re not looking.

Really, it makes Monday a lot more tolerable, I’m telling you.

Weekend Warriors (Kinda)