I would like to register a formal complaint against the American cracker industry. Seems they can't produce a salty wafer without using the life-sucking virus known as hydrogenated oil. Why so passionate about this particular morsel this morning? My Vegas venture was cut short when I fell victim to food poisoning. At one point, I'm certain I channeled the spirit of Linda Blair. Had it not been for a friend, I probably would have died right there in the middle of my lumpy bed. She ran out and picked up a box of square carbs to help me soak up the bile that had been internally mixed with chicken caesar salad. I was ready to blame the greens when crab shot out of the middle of nowhere and into the crotch pot. Maybe it was shellfish of me to do, but I couldn't help but crack.