Guy would never hire me. And you know what? I’m fine with that. I stayed up all last night crying my eyes out – wondering why Mr. Kawasaki never talks about my chest. Today, those prayers were answered in tip #11 of Everything You Wanted to Know About Getting a Job in Silicon Valley But Didn’t Know Who to Ask:

Confess your sins. If you did something stupid in your past, the company will find out, so it’s better if it finds out from you rather than from a search on the Internet. A tech entrepreneur once told me how he rented out his chest as a billboard and made $2,500 (it’s a long story). A woman that he met on Match.com found this out, and it was an issue. If a date can find this stuff from your past, you can bet an interviewer will. Hopefully, this makes you think twice about the stupid things you’re tempted do on MySpace.

Yes, it was stupid – but I refuse to take my chest off the Internet until someone pays me a million dollars to do it. Guess we’ll just have to live with the horror, eh? Guy is right about thinking twice before you put something (anything) online. Wanna know the truth? There’s a happy ending. I started renting my chest years before Ponzi and I met.

She found my profile on Match.com late one night and sent me a response almost immediately. It took me a day to get back to her, but I was sure to pass along my AIM handle for quicker correspondence. It wasn’t too long before we started to blast messages back and forth on IM. Within the first ten minutes, she asked an innocent question:

You don’t have any naked pictures of your chest online, do you?

WTF?! Did she know me? I really didn’t want to date someone who watched me on TechTV, read Lockergnome, etc. She asked this question because (apparently) a lot of guys upload “studly” photos of their greased-up chests to dating sites. I, however, didn’t realize this – as I never peruse male profiles. To her query, I responded:

Do you know who I am? :)

Now, Ponzi took this question differently than the way I intended – as if I was asking: “DON’T you know who I am?” She said she didn’t know who I was, and so I sent her a link to RentMyChest.com. If she didn’t laugh, I’d have to throw her back into the sea. Long story short: we met the next day and have been with each other ever since.

If someone doesn’t like my chest, then I don’t need them in my life. Guy referenced my chest without naming me, specifically – but I’ve had ten friends send me the link in the past half hour. Are there really that many tech entrepreneurs renting their chests online?! I think Guy was afraid his Technorati ranking would dip if he made the correlation. No matter, I’ve cleared about $10k with my chest so far – and that number is steadily climbing. Not so stupid, eh?

Oh, by the way: Guy might be speaking at the next Gnomedex…

My Silicon Valley Chest