Ponzi’s returned from her hiatus, it seems – aided by a desktop publishing tool (no, not Windows Live Writer – which I believe is still at the “barely noteworthy” stage). She’s really upset about this whole John Mark Karr situation – not because of what he may have done, but because of the way the media is covering what he had for dinner on the plane. Even if Karr didn’t kill JonBenet Ramsey, he’s still a dickwad – and the media are even bigger dickwads for spending so much time talking about this dickwad.

THIS JUST IN! John Mark Karr has eaten a Tootsie Roll. I repeat, John Mark Karr – who has been proven innocent and guilty and innocent again by us – has now ingested a Tootsie Rool. For more on this situation, we turn to our candy correspondent in Colorado, Julie Flappingums. Julie, does this mean that Tootsie Rolls are the candies preferred by dickwads? Will John Mark Karr’s intestinal tract reject or embrace the Tootsie Roll? Will candy sales slip because of this? Interesting. Thanks, Julie – keep up the good work. And now back to the War in Iraq – brought to you by Massengill.

John Mark Karr Eats Candy!

Tired of getting friend requests from MySpace, TagWorld, Friendster, TypePad, Skype, AIM, Yahoo!, Chia Friend, LinkedIn, MSN, TextAmerica, Upcoming, Digg, Google, 30 Boxes, Second Life, Plaxo, Zooomr, ICQ, Flickr, LiveJournal, Dogster, dodgeball, Backwash, BuddyBridge, FriendFan, Classmates, Buzznet, ReferNet… not to mention Friend Surfer, friendsand, Friends of Friends, friendsbay.de, Friends of Friends, Friends Reunited, Friendoo, Friendset, Friendsync, Friendity, Friendzy… and a million others… Tyrone J. Walrustitty put the following text on his Geocities homepage:

Dear “Friend,” I don’t want to join [insert Web site name here]. I hate social networks. Hate ‘em! I’m tired of you sending these damn invitations to me. If you do it again, I’m going to stop being your friend – because inviting me to yet another social network that doesn’t interest me simply isn’t a very friendly thing to do. If I’m already on the social networks that you’re already on, I have no problem in connecting with you there. As it stands, however, my tolerance for social networks is turning me anti-social. If I add one more social network to my social network network, I’m truly going to go social on yo’ ass.

Based on this simple idea, Tyrone launched Hermitster, raised $8.2 billion in funding, and sold the property to Rupert Murderock for well over a trillion dollars.

Source: Flickr
Domain: MySpaceEraser

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