Chris Pirillo » relationship

What is Community?

Chris — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 11:33:59 +0000

What is Community? is a post from Chris Pirillo

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Not long ago, I had the opportunity to speak at WordCamp. My topic was “Community is already there, inside everyone”. This is something that I am passionate about. Much of my life is devoted to my community, and to the communities of others I choose to interact with.

I have been online for so many years, that I remember when the “Internet” as we know it now began. Seeing an old friend in the audience made me realize that that is what community is all about – getting to know people. The Internet is not so much a series of cables and wires as it is a connection between people.

I remember the first time I sat down in front of a computer to email someone, back in 1992. I sent an email to a person sitting not ten feet away from me. I knew at that moment that my life had just changed forever. It thrills me every day to wake up and check my email. It’s the connections that I make with people from all around the world that still amazes me to this day.

Community is already inside of you. There’s this idea of a Venn diagram out there. These are diagrams that show all hypothetically possible logical relations between a finite collection of people or things. You have these circles, and in between they cross over. I like coffee, and I also live in Seattle. And there are other people who also live in Seattle and like coffee. I also use Mac OS X. How many other people have these same interests?

At that point where everything kind of crosses over is where you find me. It’s who and what I am. I am this person – a walking Venn diagram. We all are. We’re multi-faceted. You carry these things wherever you go. That is community. It’s inside of you, and that’s why you can go from one website to a million others. It’s the experience that it helps you have.

It really bothers me when someone approaches me and informs me that they are going to create a new community, and it’s going to go “viral”. Do they really think all of this will just happen?! It doesn’t work that way, sorry to tell them.

Back in the day, I would connect with people using newsgroups and BBS’. I subscribed to lists of things to do online. It was a piece of text that was the definitive resource of what you could do on the Internet. You could only go to certain places to be able to communicate back then. It’s not that way anymore. Instead of community existing in one little pocket – it’s everywhere!

Community requires tools that can’t be built. It kills me when someone says they built a blog and no one came. Well duh! A blog is just a tool… and if you think a blog is a community, then you too are a tool! Community exists in one place – in your heart. Without that, what is community. Without passion, without connections, without a feeling of belonging – what is there? You cannot build heart. It’s either there, or it’s not. You know you have a community when it takes care of its own.

Without heart, it’s just a set of tools. Anyone can go out right now and set up a website with any number of features. There are tons of tools out there. It’s not the topic or idea that makes what you do valuable – it never is. The tools are a commodity – but you are not. You’re unique. You have your own set of morals, ideals and beliefs. You have your own heart. YOU are the asset to the community you are in, not the other way around.

A community grows its own leaders. The strong voices will be the ones who emerge as the leaders of what you are growing. Even if you don’t agree with them at all times, encourage them. Use your voice and exercise it. Make those connections. Before you know it, you’ll be a leader of sorts, whether you set out to be or not.

Community is the antithesis of ego. Community is inside of you – but it’s not about you. It’s about other’s experiences with you. The strongest voices inside of a community are devoid of ego. The first thing on their mind isn’t themselves.

Community is everywhere, and it starts inside of you.

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What Little Things are You Missing out On?

Chris — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 06:56:41 +0000

What Little Things are You Missing out On? is a post from Chris Pirillo

Surely by now, you’ve come to realize that it’s the little things in life that matter the most: a hug from a good friend, a word of support from someone you respect, thanks from a boss or co-worker. These things can certainly make your day much easier to get through. Taking time out to do things that are important to no one other than yourself are also some of those “little things” that can make life so much more bearable at times when things are tough.

I’m just as human as the rest of you. I get so caught up in the things I have to get done, that I sometimes forget those little things. I don’t remember to stop and smell the proverbial roses as often as I should. I may not always be able to respond to each email I get (I DO read them all!). My schedule may be full, not allowing me to attend something you’ve invited me to. That’s the way life goes, eh? We can’t have it all, we can’t do it all, and we certainly can’t BE it all.

Think about how good you feel when someone supports or thanks you for something out of the blue. Remember what it’s like to be the recipient of a hug, phone call or email for no reason other than to say “hey, how ARE you?”. Reflect for a moment about how much easier life can be when you take time to do something you love. Now… here is my challenge for the day: go forth, and spread the cheer. Call someone up you haven’t talked with in awhile. Tell that person who may really need to hear it “hey – thanks – you ROCK!”. Send your Mom some flowers to thank her for putting up with your butt (note to self.. call florist!).

Once you’ve spread as much happiness to others as you can, sit down and make yourself calmer and happier. Do something for even a half an hour a day that will make YOU feel better. What is it you’d do with 30 whole minutes to yourself, to do as you please? You know my answer… I spend my extra time reading through what all of you are up to. Why don’t you try it out for yourself? You may learn something new, get a few laughs, or make a new friend… starting the circle over again.

Personal and Professional Changes Afoot

Chris — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 19:09:33 +0000

Personal and Professional Changes Afoot is a post from Chris Pirillo

I’m very sorry to say this, but Ponzi and I are in the process of getting a divorce.

That’s about as much information as I’m going to share, whether you’re connected to me in a personal or professional capacity. Personally, I’d ask that you keep judgments to yourself, as this is difficult enough to get through without having unwarranted perspectives and postulations piled on top. Your understanding, please, would be most appreciated.

Despite this change, my endeavors will continue to roll forward – going into their 14th year.

Professionally, as far as Lockergnome and Gnomedex are concerned, I’m moving full speed ahead – and everything related to business will now be flowing through me directly. Gnomedex 9.0 is still on track, and you can expect to hear more about it in the coming weeks (including new sponsors, speakers, and activities). We’re still good to go! Pardon any delays in communications.

This post will now mark the last time I’ll speak about my relationship with Ponzi. Again, I can hope for nothing more than your support and understanding.

A Quick Way to Save Your Marriage in Three Easy Steps

Chris — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 11:11:44 +0000

A Quick Way to Save Your Marriage in Three Easy Steps is a post from Chris Pirillo

This is Mark Medina’s submission for the HP Magic Giveaway. Feel free to leave comments for this article as you see fit – your feedback is certainly welcomed! If you’d like to submit your own how-to, what-is, or top-five list, you can send it to me. Views and opinions of this writer are not necessarily my own:

A marriage is a sacred bond that makes two people in love share their whole lives forever. However, it’s not always sunshine each day and there are sometimes rains, storms, and even thunder that occurs in a marriage life. Keeping it alive helps the couple understand each other well. They must have respect, patience and the will to survive any problems they may encounter.

In many marriage situations, money is one of the problems that can cause couples to fight. Sometimes the love cannot be found when you are both feeling angry or mad. You have to cool down things first before confronting your husband or wife. Sometimes it’s better to sit down together and hold each others hands. Look straight in his/her eyes, and feel the love you have for each other. When you feel the passion and love inside, you’ll both realize that you don’t need to quarrel about such problems. By looking in each others eyes, you’ll see how you both tell each other that “everything’s going to be alright”. It really helps save my marriage because every time we had money problem, it’s all we do to lessen the problem instead of adding another.

Another expert said that it takes both partners to agree on a set priority. Do not make it something like forcing her to go along the flow that you like. It will make your partner feel less important, not worthy or disregarded because of such a thing. Many people who had troubles with things like that in their marriage say, “One of the simple things that really helped save my marriage was giving my utmost respect to my partner. She feels loved and important because I always let her know what I think, and consult on everything with her”. We all know that as humans, we have equal rights that the other must respect. The boat should always keep its level above the water to prevent it from sinking.

The third quick way to save a marriage is keeping an honest line of communication open with your partner. Always check on her if you are encountering any problem. It’s a bad idea to just let her guess how you feel. And it’s also very bad for him/her to know your problem from another person rather than you. The trouble will be sure to rise every time it’s like that. Another person who has gone through a marriage problem speaks of her experience and how she had coped with it, saying: “We are living with my in-laws and sometimes I don’t like how they treat me and our little son regarding his traits. I told my husband and it had help save my marriage.”

I wish you the best of luck with your relationship problems. Saving a marriage isn’t the easiest thing to do, but with the right know how and advice, it can be! Don’t get a divorce, learn how to save your marriage today!

Got Any Good Geeky Relationship Advice?

Chris — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 09:56:21 +0000

Got Any Good Geeky Relationship Advice? is a post from Chris Pirillo

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I’m not an expert on anything, even though I may get introduced as such sometimes. I tend to dismiss that label every time. I got an email from TheMacinJosh. He has a good question that many of you may either identify with, or have some answers to.

I’m sure glad I went back to the chat room, and I’m sorry I missed out on it for so long! Anyway, my question is not tech related, but you usually always have good answers.
I’ve recently become single, and am wondering what the best way is to approach a girl I might find attractive. It’s difficult sometimes in situations where you aren’t exactly encountering them for any other reason. How might I start a conversation out of the blue, without it coming off as weird? The same thing goes for online. If I find someone on a social networking site that looks interesting, how do you think I should reach out to them without coming off as weird and awkward?

I’m somewhat successful with the whole relationship thing, I suppose, since I’m married. Marriage, for better or worse, is a relationship that will have good days… as well as not-so-good ones. Do I have advice for others? Of course I do. The first thing to remember is to not be overly eager. The more eager you are, the more it will make the other person shy away.

Confidence, as opposed to eagerness, is good. Don’t go overboard and become egotistical. But being confident about yourself, and comfortable within yourself, allows the other party to have confidence in you. You usually need to step outside of yourself, and that can be terrifying for some people. When you are faced with that situation, be confident in who you are. Know your strengths and weakenesses.

Think beyond the other person. You may be attracted to them, but ultimately it’s about finding common interests. Heck, it could be differences that bring you together to begin with. It’s finding things out about them over a course of time, and not just what they might post to their profile. At times, you can honestly get to know someone from the inside out better online than you can in “real life”. People tend to be a little more open about what’s inside of them when they aren’t so focused on how they come across with their appearance. Approach it in a casual fashion. Sit back, watch and share.

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Are You Dating a Geek (or are You the Geek)?

Chris — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 05:25:37 +0000

Are You Dating a Geek (or are You the Geek)? is a post from Chris Pirillo

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Are you dating a Geek? Find out just how Geeky he is in “The Geek Test“. You can learn how to deal with him (or her!) by reading this book, according to the jacket. The book is called A Girls’ Guide to Dating a Geek. I realize it’s too late since I’m married, but I thought it would be neat to buy this from ThinkGeek.

Geeks are human, yes, but sometimes they seem like a different species. They have social interactions that don’t resemble anything else found in nature; they have language aspects and conventions that go against rational thought; and they many times have a unique body odor. Ok, ok. We have that unique body odor, too. For we are they and they are you and we are you and… we’re all geeks. And we need people to understand us so they can date us. This book helps.
It asks the reader “Are you dating a geek?” If so, find out just how geeky he is in “The Geek Test.” Learn how to cope with his geekiness in sections such as: “Getting What You Want” and “How to Exercise Your Geek.” Also, discover how to plot revenge, diagnose common geek ailments, and find the perfect gift for your geek. Take a deeper look into the world of geeks with “My Life Among the überGeeks” and “My Life Among the Gamers.” Read case studies, examine graphs, peruse the Geek Dictionary, and more in A Girl’s Guide to Dating a Geek.

I bought the book as a sort of joke for Ponzi, but she’s actually reading it! Before she left on vacation, she had already read the first 43 pages. She said that most of what she had read were pretty much spot-on about me. If you are a Geek, and you’re in a relationship, this book is actually something you might want to read. Even if you’re a girl Geek dating a male non-Geek… it still can’t hurt. It’s going to be money well spent to help your relationship, and learning to understand each other. Geeks or not, communication and understanding don’t come easily.

If you have questions or advice about things like relationships, dating or Geeks… drop me a line. I am not a relationship expert, but you never know. I may have been there – done that. Or… I may have bought the book.

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Are Your Online Friends Real?

Chris — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 05:21:48 +0000

Are Your Online Friends Real? is a post from Chris Pirillo

My “online” friends are just as awesome as my “offline” friends. Why do some people discount them just because they’re not “in the flesh”?! To me, it doesn’t matter if I ever see someone in person. If we connect on some level, and share similar interests, how are they NOT my friend? Believe me, there have been people in my ‘real life’ I can say I wish I hadn’t met in person. I put this question to others, to gauge their reactions.

I feel the same. – Stupid Blogger (aka Tina)

Chris: stop misleading. In your case they are the same! :-) – Robert Scoble

I couldn’t agree more Chris! – Kyle Lacy

Because they haven’t had the same experience? All my RL friends that don’t do much online, don’t understand. The ones that are online, do. – ·[•_•]·

My online friends have shown me than they are MORE awesome than my offline friends. Not to say that my offline friends are not awesome, but that they are not exactly an informative/technologically-inclined type of crowd. For me: The more you know about tech, the more awesome you are :) – Michael Forian

probably awesomer. – Tim Hoeck

I completely understand. I get strange looks from people when I tell them that my closest friends are ones I have known online for ten years but never met. – Aden

It was not very long ago that friendships and romances were carried out almost exclusively (sometimes exclusively) by post, aka snail mail, that really was slow as hell and took weeks to be delivered. – Michael W. May

I’m guessing some people analogize online friends with imaginary friends… but I agree and I have more on friends than off – Far

I have many good friends online. Now with things like Skype to go beyond IM, why not? – Jake (aka Jawee)

My husband started out as my online friend. :D – Rochelle

@Aden Yea, I get strange reactions too when I tell my RL friends the same thing. But hey, I ended up meeting them for the first time at my wedding. :) – Daynah

What are your thoughts about this? Do you consider your online friends to be just as real as those you have met in the flesh? Why or why not?

Can Marriage be Saved without Talking about It?

Chris — Thu, 29 May 2008 05:09:16 +0000

Can Marriage be Saved without Talking about It? is a post from Chris Pirillo

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Any book that Ponzi has ever given me on the subject of relationships makes me shudder. I’m a dude. Dudes don’t read those books! However, when she handed me this one, I couldn’t help but reading it after I saw the title: “How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It“.

The review of this book on Amazon says it all:

“If you’ve ever told your spouse, ’I talk until I’m blue in the face,’ or ’It’s in one ear and out the other,’ stop whatever you’re doing and read this book immediately! You’re about to discover why talking things out isn’t always the best way to get through to your spouse or achieve more closeness and connection. More important, you’ll learn exactly what you need to do today to truly transform your relationship forever.”

It’s a short, easy read, which is important to guys. It was really interesting to read, from a Geek standpoint, and from the ‘guy’ mentality. You know what I mean: a guy doesn’t TALK about his relationships. *gasp* Are you kidding me? That can’t happen.

I was afraid to read the book, truth be told. Most of these books are either written by women, for women… or by a guy who wants me to think like a woman. However, the introduction of the book made me sit up and take notice. It validated the way I tend to approach things. It helped me understand why I do the things that I’m doing inside my marriage. The book didn’t want to try and change me, which is important to me.

Ponzi and I are very different with our communication styles. We co-exist somewhat peacefully when we remember that we are two different people. This book is wonderful for helping us to keep that special connection we have, without over-complicating things by talking in the wrong way. It helped me understand how I was doing things and saying things, and see how they impacted Ponzi. Marriage is a learning process, and it takes a lifetime to master. When you learn more about yourself, any relationship you’re in is going to become stronger.

If you’re a Geek (or even not one!) and in a relationship of any kind, I highly recommend reading this book.

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Are Social Networks Destroying Offline Relationships?

Chris — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 07:03:43 +0000

Are Social Networks Destroying Offline Relationships? is a post from Chris Pirillo

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Is the Internet destroying relationships that are happening offline? Some people may say “yes! This is destroying my real relationships”. What do you mean… ‘real’? My relationships online are just as real as though offline. You get to know people’s personalities online. Heck, often you get to know the “REAL” person more online, than you do offline. When you’re talking online to someone, you tend to open yourself up more. You don’t feel the need to hide behind makeup and clothes. You can just let yourself be you.

I was doing “internet dating” before there even was such a thing. Heck, Ponzi and I met on an internet dating site. I don’t feel that the Internet has destroyed offline relationships. I feel it has allowed us to discover similarities with people that we may not have known before. It allows us to tear down barriers that would have been there in a ‘real life’ situation. I’m connecting with… and having a friendship or relationship… with people I would have never gotten to know otherwise. I have more in common with my online friends than I do with my next door neighbor. I appreciate my online friends for who they are, not for where they live or how they dress. Just because our connection happens digitally, so to speak, doesn’t make it any less real.

My friend Andy Stanberry is here in the office with me as I’m recording this video. We met… guess where? Online! He flew into Seattle today to help me with developing some cool new things that we’ll be bringing you more information on shortly. He actually Twittered when his plane landed in Seattle and that’s how Kat found out that he was here. Wait. Kat! She’s my rock, my right-hand girl. Kat and I have a ‘relationship’, in that we are friends who met online, and she works for me. She got recognized in “real life” the other day, just for her participation on the stream and on Ventrilo. She was shocked, and I think a bit embarassed. You will all be ‘meeting’ Kat shortly. She’ll be here at my house for the day on April 12th, during her Seattle trip! We’ve all convinced her she has to come and say hello on the stream.

So what are your thoughts about online/offline relationships? Let me hear from you!

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Internet Dating Tips for Geeks

Chris — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 07:30:44 +0000

Internet Dating Tips for Geeks is a post from Chris Pirillo

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One of our community members emailed to ask me how he can find the woman of his dreams on MySpace. So… I decided to give you all my Top 5 tips for Internet dating.

Change your handle. If you have an online name that has to do with something Geeky, or a gamertag, it will be more difficult to attract women. Many people think that “birds of a feather flock together”, but that’s not always true. Meeting someone with a little in common can be just as good of a match. You definitely don’t want things to get boring. Having separate interests is a good thing, I promise you. If a girl is a “little” into computers, and sees your name has Linux in it, she may write you off without ever getting to know the real you.
Don’t talk Tech… unless she’s into that. If you’re trying to get to know a girl, don’t just spout off everything you know about computers. Find out what she’s into, what interests her. Make an effort to talk about those things, and to understand them. Who knows? You may end up finding new interests for yourself, as well.
Learn how to write. Being online is a whole new ball game. The first impression you give… and likely the only impression for awhile… is through your writing style. If you are using l33t speak, or even chat speak, you could turn off a very intelligent woman very quickly. How you write will convey the type of person you are. Take the time to check your grammar and spelling. Take the time to let who you are show through.
Don’t be a drooling Fanboi. If a woman is worth having, she’s already getting emails and IM’s telling her how wonderful and perfect she is. She may hear over and over she’s “beautiful” and “sweet”. Don’t trip over your own tongue. Be realistic. Women can see through nonsense compliments and drivel. They want something that is real, and solid.
Remember MySpace is NOT a dating service. It’s a social networking site. If you’re looking for love, that’s not the place to look. I recommend a free service called PlentyOfFish.com.

I met Ponzi online. Internet love really can happen, if you put some effort into it. It’s just as real, and just as lasting, as any other relationship.

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How to Handle Remote Tech Support

chris@lockergnome.com (Chris Pirillo) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 06:30:00 GMT

Using GoToAssist is the easiest way to view and control another person's computer online. Use it to provide instant technical support to family, friends and customers. Start a session with just one click, and instantly connect with the other party.

Network Tools for Windows

chris@lockergnome.com (Chris Pirillo) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 06:30:00 GMT

You need these network tools, no matter which operating systems and networks you have to support. SolarWinds ipMonitor: Affordable Network Monitoring for SMBs. Get turnkey network, server and application availability monitoring with SolarWinds ipMonitor v9.0. This easy-to-use, reliable solution for SMBs delivers out-of-the-box availability monitoring so you always know exactly what's up with Active Directory, DNS, Exchange, FTP, Web, IMAP, MS SQL Server, and SMTP. Download your free trial today. Or, try their totally free tools! And, through 2/29, save 20% when you purchase ipMonitor 9.0.

Get Your Own Web Site

chris@lockergnome.com (Chris Pirillo) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 06:30:00 GMT

Starting at just $3.99/month, web hosting from GoDaddy includes 99.9% uptime, 24/7 support and free access to GoDaddy Hosting Connection, THE place to install over 30 FREE applications sure to help you get the most from your hosting plan and Web site. Enter code CP2 at checkout, and save an additional 10% on any order.

Plus, as a friend of Chris Pirillo, enter code CHRIS7, that's C-H-R-I-S and the number 7, when you check out, and save an additional 10% on any order. Get your piece of the internet at GoDaddy.com.

VMware and Parallels for Virtual Machines

chris@lockergnome.com (Chris Pirillo) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 06:30:00 GMT

It doesn't matter if you're running on Windows or Mac OS X - every power user needs either Parallels or VMware (or both). There's never been an easier way to test software without destroying your primary operating system's stability. Think of how many times you wish you could press a 'reverse' button on your computer. Plus, there's no easier way to try new Linux distributions - see what all the fuss is about. Run Windows in OS X, run Linux in Windows, but the best way to do either is with VMware and/or Parallels.

Coupons for Online Shopping

chris@lockergnome.com (Chris Pirillo) — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 07:56:13 GMT

This feed is fueled by Lockergnome Online Shopping and Coupon Codes

Before you shop next time, see if we have a coupon first.