Spam Traps
Three times in the past week, I’ve unwillingly opened the door to young solicitors. Actually, the number is closer to five (but I only responded to three, with tonight’s salesman mistaken for the pizza guy). Some are peddling magazines, while others are selling books – doesn’t matter (they’re all annoying). Each and every time, as soon as I push back the dogs and fling open the front door, they ask:
“Is your mom or dad home?”
To keep from bursting out in pants-peeing laughter, I have to bite my bottom lip and tell the knock-knock-nerd that my parents be out of the country for at least three months. There’s going to come a time when I’m actually going to look like an adult – so I’m enjoying this defense while I still can. Of course, I get different questions from phone spammers:
“Hello, Mrs. Pirillo?”
I always affirm this kind of telemarketer greeting, knowing that I’m quickly going to lead our conversation into uncomfortable feminine subjects. As far as I’m concerned, telemarketing, junk mail, junk email, and door-to-door sales should be outlawed and punishable by death. It’s to the point where I don’t even wanna check or answer anything. The offers are certainly amazing:
“We can help raise your credit score!”
No, you can’t – that’s my personal responsibility, and I’m certainly not going to give business to anybody who says otherwise. You lose, you’re a loser, and you’re going to burn in hell. I don’t remember giving you permission to spam my snail mailbox, either. I’m sure it was buried in some privacy policy somewhere that I missed. Your wasting more than just paper, man – you’re wasting my air. God hates you. At least your crap gives me the giggles at times:
“Extra Income Online (corrected)”
Thank you for sending me a corrected version. Seriously. There are no virgins waiting for you in the afterlife, so give it up. If I want to make extra income online, I’ll just rent more body parts – body parts that can’t be enlarged with your so-called viaGaGRa. Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone. Die, die, die, die. You make pacifists bloodthirsty, don’t you know?
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4 Comments
Greg Smith
October 18th, 2006
at 7:28pm
Ever heard of peep holes and the do not call list?
JDoors
October 20th, 2006
at 10:25am
I definitely share your dislike of such intrusions, and have been driven half-mad at times — But that was before the proper tools were in place:
The do-not-call list has helped (though there are many loopholes, anyone you’ve done business with or charities are exempt), I’ve gone from what seemed like constant ringing to about two calls per week.
A “No Solicitors” sign on the door helps (though again, there are loopholes, some people don’t see it or pretend not to, and kids can’t always be expected to understand the intent of the sign).
The proper combination of filtering can do a pretty darn good job of keeping your in-box clean (I never, ever get SPAM in my in-box, but I do have to check the “suspicious mail” box occasionally to fish out e-mails I do want — all “pure” SPAM is eliminated before I see it).
Tell your mommy about those tools, OK? ;)
Sara
October 20th, 2006
at 1:06pm
I was a stay-at-home mom until my child entered kindergarten. I was short, thin and looked much younger than my age. Solicitors would either ask me if I were the baby sitter or if my parents were available. Now I’m at the stage where they call me ‘Ma’am” and offer to give me a seat on public transportation so enjoy your “youth” while you can.
Blah, Blah, Blahg - Techie, security, political, and other useless miscellany » Is Chris having spamming problems?
August 8th, 2007
at 7:10am
[...] Is Chris having spamming problems? By ragmanx I sense a little bit of hostility here, wouldn’t you agree? For instance, on credit repair spam: No, you can’t – that’s my personal responsibility, and I’m certainly not going to give business to anybody who says otherwise. You lose, you’re a loser, and you’re going to burn in hell. I don’t remember giving you permission to spam my snail mailbox, either. [...]