Fonts are fun. You can make 'em, too – if you use the right software. Your
Handwriting 2.0 is cheap, and the results prove it: crude, and
barely usable. I recommend using ScanFont from If you want it to
look even better on more than one platform, get their full-
featured product. I don't have the time or patience to fontify
everybody's complete manuscript, and I'm sure you don't have $200+
lying around to spend on software you may use only once or twice.
Here's my proposal: I could put your signature, SIMPLE logo, or
something of the like into TrueType AND OpenType fonts. Heck, I
could even do dingbats (pictures) on a case-by-case basis. If it's
a complicated graphic, assume I can't do it. What I first need is clean,
clear, high-quality, pure black & white scans of the
glyphs you want to immortalize. Ten dollars ($10) doesn't sound too unreasonable at this
point (for your signature or a single logo). You could do it yourself
– but will you? Well, I thought I'd offer. If you're
interested, send the graphic(s) to the e-mail alias: font @
Then, after I tell you that I can do what you want me to do, use
the same 'font' e-mail address at to complete the
transaction. Other arrangements can be made.

We’re Not Worthy

I'm not a “reality show” kind of guy (even though there will always be a place in my heart for the first few episodes of American Idol – when the talentless twits are still in the running). Joe Millionaire. Jake and I agree: this is either going to be really good or really stupid. I know that women say that money isn't important, but I've been married for the better part of three four years and let me tell you – it's important. It's very important. If you don't have money, you don't eat. Having millions of dollars on hand would be great, but billions of us are going to live well below that line.

When Gretchen and I met, I was already knee-deep in student loans and well on my way to becoming a high school teacher. Fate intervened, and I'm now a business owner, magazine columnist, and television show host. Had I attained such titles before the initiation of our relationship, I might never have trusted her true intentions. I do, implicitly (for what it's worth). Would she have given me a second look? Would have you? It's a question with which I never care to wrestle. When I walk into a computer superstore, they don't know who I am or what I do – and I don't mind. When you peel away all the layers, I'm just a geek with a bad sense of humor.

You Can’t Handle The TrueType

I love the smell of HTML in the morning. After downloading the latest WEFT (which is still, far and away, the most unusable piece of software on the planet), I've successfully embedded my handwriting font for people who don't already have it installed on their system. And even after going through all the trouble of getting it to work, I may wind up not using it in the end. The only thing I'm wrestling with now is the sidebar. I don't want to “float” it via CSS, as that causes strange issues if the user's resolution is set too low. I've got it in a table now, and while that might cause content overlapping, it's the least of all visual evils in my opinion.

Legally Binding

Well, I couldn't leave well enough alone. I kept thinking to myself: “I really like my handwriting on the page, but it's still not as personal as I'd want my personal portal to be. What if I fell back on something a little more familiar?” So, the dull yellow concept was borne. And, I successfully ported my handwriting font to OpenType – so OS X users (as well as Windows folk) should be able to view this blog in its full glory. You know where to look: the red pi in the sidebar. For the insanely lazy, here's a direct link. Fun, eh? Expect more construction on the sidebar from this point forward. At least, until I get bored again. That oughta be in another two hours, given this weekend's track record.

We Be Jammin’

Well, I had to scrap my original blog redesign. It was fun (and somewhat different), but cross-browser and cross-platform compatibility were in the toilet. Some of you managed to catch the 'mock desktop' layout before I had to kill it. My current code is growing on me… although I'm left wondering where I can stick the blogroll? Yeah, I know – bend over and you'll show me. Ha ha. Seriously, does anybody know how to embed TrueType fonts? The Microsoft tool is impossible for a human to use. I'd like to embed my handwriting font for the world to see without first having to download and install it (via that dinky red delta down below, sitting next to the pi). I believe that's the next level for blogging – reading someone's thoughts through his or her scrip. Provided it's legible. I've gotta do Meryl's and Mike's ASAP.

The Longest Day of My Life

Beaming: my face as I walked up the stairs to my apartment last night at 1:30AM. I've never been more proud of my friends, family, and fans. Darn near everyone came out to support our Help-a-thon, which will assuredly go down as one of the (if not THE) most successful programs ever aired on TechTV. Cast and crew were giving 110% throughout the day – from six in the morning all the way to an hour past midnight. It was so fulfilling to look around the set, only minutes after the broadcast concluded. We were there to have fun, to help, and to try something that had only been talked about in years prior. Even in the late hours, the chat room was teeming with hundreds of viewers and the phone bank was full. I could only witness support vicariously, having limited access to anything other than the task at hand – in front of the camera for (pretty much) eighteen hours straight. I want to thank everybody for doing their part – in an official or unofficial capacity. You kept our spirits high, even when our tanks were running on empty. I sit here with so many happy memories dancing in my mind, knowing they'll stay with me for the rest of my life.

Rockin' Around

There was much merriment in the Gnomestead last night. My only hope is to do Hoopty's camerawork justice in the editing process. Perhaps I should pass the DV tape on to him, and let the Boobiemeister have at it? Nobody saw the cookies that Gretchen baked. She had to use a special 'ugly' formula to get 'em to turn out that geeky. My head tastes good – I had it twice. Nobody was able to capture these acts on film. The best part of the evening was when we Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich. Oh, and when we played Atari. UPDATE: I've finished encoding and uploading the video. It's the Pirillo Christmas Party 2002.

White Out

Sprocket's getting shaved, Gretchen's running around town picking up last-minute comestibles, and I'm stuck here in my cubicle waiting for TSS this evening. We'll be promoting the Help-a-thon in “Lightning Round” fashion. Marty and Patrick will be grilling me with twenty tech questions, preparing me for the 18 hours of live hell that will be the day after Christmas. I was planning on getting a blood test this afternoon, but they apparently had us scheduled for 4PM on Saturday (tomorrow). So, right before our party, I'll be pekid and passed out on the sofa. I guess that's kinda normal. I could definitely do without the needles. Regardless, I'll be sure to have my Webcam turned on and pointed to the action once the festivities begin. I suppose that would include the visit from our assigned RN. He's a pro, I hear.

Geek Culture & Tech Expert: How Can I Help You Today?