Is there anything more emasculating than not being able to open a jar with the power of your own bare hands? In Pirillo Vlog 390, we examine the increasing difficulty of opening modern containers in the 21st century.
I think the machines have it in for us. They’re trying to make us feel inferior by screwing those lids on so tightly over at the factory that human beings can no longer manage a simple opening without undertaking the risk of muscle strain and embarrassment in front of women and children.
I don’t think it’s always been this way. I can’t be getting weaker in my older years, can I? I remember my dad being the strongest man in the world and, at my age, he must have been able to lift cars as well as open the most formidable jars the grocery stores could stock back in those simpler times.
Perhaps the Terminator wasn’t joking around when he famously told us that he’d “be back.” Maybe he’s among us now, operating food-storage facilities worldwide, fiendishly grinning as only a supposedly emotionless synthetic creep could…
In spite of all this, I still managed to open not one, but two difficult jars with my typical powers of calm, cool collection. Humans: 2, Hateful Death Robots: 0!