My friends, I cannot keep this a secret any longer: someone has come in between Gretchen and me. It all started with innocent flirting, and wound up becoming an all-out love affair. When my wife was asleep, I'd sneak over and play around for hours on end. And the sad part is: Gretchen is very close to my new love. In fact, some would say that she's quite attached to it. I've been dating her left tit behind her back (or in front of it, rather). Just one look from it and… oh, it's magic. Sure, it has the tendency to post immature comments on message boards every once in a while, but at the end of the day, I only wanna curl up with one mammary. I've not quite broken the news to my wife yet, so I'd appreciate it if you'd keep this between you and me and the boob for the time being (NOTE: when I say 'boob,' I am not referring to Tom Clancy). Thank you.