(1) Misspell words that render your post ironic. For instance, enter “retared” instead of “retarded.” (2) Remember: the number of idle threats made is inversely proportional to the size of your genitals. (3a) Use numbers in place of letters whenever possible. (3b) Make liberal use of the letter “z.” (4) Employ the word “gay” in a pun or two (but no more than three times). (5) Forget to post through a proxy, leaving your IP address [e.g., 24.156.11.10] exposed to the wolves. (6) Complete your entry with an impossible sexual conquest. For example, “I want 2 bang your m0m.” (7) Suggest that you “0wn” something, like control over your own bladder. (8) Request that your post NOT be deleted, further adding a sense of urgency to being flamed out of existence. (9) Fall back on name calling if your argument begins to weaken, twatcheese. (10) Misuse; punctuation.