This morning, I'm a free man. Gretchen wandered into the living room last night with the checkbook and asked if I'd do the honor; I signed the sheet that would officially release me from the grasp of student loans forever. You see, I was too sober to get pity grants, too dumb to get scholarships, and my parents were too rich (on the books) for me to get any “free” money. And so I scribbled my name on the right-most line, leaving only this phrase in the Memo section: “Kiss my ass.” I'm sure the check will get cashed, regardless. To this day, I've yet to use that English Education degree. The BA was pure BS, but what I gained outside of the classroom will continue to shape my life until the end of my days on Earth. Or Mars, depending on if we colonize it before I shuffle off this mortal coil.