How to Escape Laundry Duty

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“One machine can do the work of 50 ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.” — Elbert Hubbard

In the context of laundry, I only have two machines: one to wash and one to dry. And if I had a staff of 100 normal men to replace those machines, I suppose I’d have to invest in another machine to steam clean the carpet from all of the footprints that would get tracked through the house between the front door and the laundry room (in Seattle, where it’s perpetually raining, you can bet they’d be muddy footprints, too). But if I had a staff of another 50 to cover that chore, I’d have to invest in yet another machine to calculate all of their wages — and maybe a bigger house with a laundromat-sized room so there’d be plenty of space for all of these strangers to traipse around and do my bidding.

It all seemed like a small price to pay for the convenience of not having to do laundry myself (the ultimate goal of this exercise), but Diana firmly said “no” to the plan. Well, as firmly as Diana says anything. You’d actually be surprised at how intimidating she can be when she means business — remember that she is from Texas, after all. She was nice about it when I showed her the quotation from the esteemed Elbert Hubbard (as seen above), but was able to twist its words around to suit her purposes by saying that I am an extraordinary man — extraordinary enough to do my own damned laundry when necessary, anyway.

Or maybe, as I thought to myself wryly, extraordinary enough to figure out a way to foil that notion and make it so I’d never have to do laundry again! In this video, Diana grudgingly reveals how I managed to keep myself out of the laundry room forever and ever with surprisingly little effort!

How to Escape Laundry Duty