The Internet has given us an amazing array of tools to communicate and share experiences. While most of the content out there is absolutely terrible, and the people making it deserve to be told so, there aren’t enough good trolls out there to get the job done. Here are a few tips on how to be a comment troll:

Don’t Offer Explanations
If something sucks, say it sucks in as few words as possible. Four-letter expletives are acceptable, but nothing more than that. The fact of the matter is, the content creator should be thankful you’re taking time out of your day to let them know how terrible what they’ve made really is. If you offer genuine critique, that might be confused as encouragement to keep making new content.

TYPE IN ALL CAPS
Variations in letter case are for the creative and civil. If you want to be a successful comment troll, you need to stick to a single style. Either you type in all capital letters, or all lower-case. Whichever you decide, you should stick with it from your first inflammatory post to the last.

Don’tPutSpacesBetweenWords
Nothing tells others how superior you are more than leaving out the space bar when typing. Let them stumble over themselves attempting to figure out what you said. You know it was intelligent and absolutely accurate. Your words are too great to be divided up in to sensible and legible text.

Call Them Gay
If all else fails, call them “gay”. Nothing gets your point across better than insinuating that someone is homosexual. Even if they are homosexual, the term should be used liberally in order to make sure they understand that you have them pegged. You can use words other than “gay” to describe them, as long as they have basically the same meaning. It’s probably best you stick with profanity in these causes because calling someone “feminine” or “homosexual” just doesn’t carry the same weight.

Call Them Fat
If all other attempts to discredit and turn off potential content creators has failed, you can resort to making bold statements about their health and well-being. After all, it’s important that they know just how fat they are so they don’t feel the need to step in front of a camera again. You’re doing them a favor, as they probably don’t know that they’re heavyset. This generally doesn’t come across correctly unless you’re rude about it. Avoid saying someone looks “festively plump”. Instead, use terms that you know will dig at them because that’s the only way they’ll understand.

No matter what method you use to troll comment threads, remember that you’re the only one in the entire conversation worth listening to. Everyone there is just passing time until you come along and give your two-word critique on the content in question. Your opinion matters more than anyone, so let it be known as often as possible.