I did a poll and asked everybody in my house who they thought was the hottest wife on the planet, and everybody agreed that it was my wife, Ponzi. She looks good in anything, even if that “anything” is something of mine. There is a margin of error, but it’s so insignificant. Oh, and the poll was sponsored by Wicket, so…

Good luck trying to prove that your wife is hotter than my wife. It’s not so much of a challenge if you happen to be the wife of a husband, because I’m certainly not the hottest husband on the planet (and that was also confirmed by a house poll).

When I contacted Zogby about making the poll external, they responded with: “zOMG! There’s no contest. Ponzi already wins. Congratulations? How’d you do it?” Well, I’m not going to give up my secret just yet, but at least we know that the results would always skew in Ponzi’s favor. The Gallop pollsters also responded to my official request, but declined to comment because the males were all stuck with less-attractive wives.

Frank Luntz got back to me a few minutes ago, too: “Hello, Chris. I’m not sure how I could help you design a poll about this. Indeed, your wife is very hot – and I simply can’t fix the questions to make any other wife look hotter than yours. Does she have a sister?”

The proof is found within the Halloween costume photos: