Cats like milk – and curiosity kills 'em. Right? Well, since the Web has been abuzz with Raging Cow disease as of late, I thought I'd taste the malted beverage and share my impressions with the world. The one bit of information I just couldn't seem to find: WHERE was I to aquire the altered teat seepage? I blasted a message off to an anonymous alias with nothing more than: “So, where do I get this stuff?” I didn't sign it with any fancy signatures. I didn't send it with any innocent emoticons attached. I wasn't expecting a response – and I certainly wasn't expecting to get one within the hour. The reply had 'template' written all over it, but I was impressed to have even receved it. Courtney Wallace, Corporate Communications for Dr Pepper / Seven Up, Inc. wrote: We received your email about having some sample products sent to you. Please send me your email and I'll be more than happy to send some samples to you. Also, I have attached a news release for your review. If you have any other questions or need more information, please don't hesitate to contact me.”

Wow. Sample products? Cool. I was expecting to drop some coinage on it. But Courtney already had my “email” address; I could only assume she needed something snail in nature. The news release included this milky tidbit: “Beginning this week, consumers in Dallas; Austin, Texas; Denver; Los Angeles and San Diego will be able to find 14-ounce bottles of Raging Cow at 7-Eleven stores. Raging Cow, which has a suggested retail price of $1.49, will be available at additional retail outlets in the coming months.” That's all I really wanted to know.

And then I thought: “Wait a second. Maybe it's not about getting bloggers to pimp products. Maybe it's not about corrupting the uncensored communications process. Maybe it's not about the corporate world trying to trump the conversation. Maybe the Grinch's heart really did grow three sizes that day.” This damn drink has already caused quite a digital ripple. What if that's what they expected to happen? Did we fall right into their hands, udderly? I'm a low carber who doesn't drink anything with sugar – but I was compelled to see what all the fuss was about, if only to give them what they (knowingly or unwittingly) asked for. Should we be applauding these folks for trying to start a conversation where no other marketing companies dared to go before?

This is a very territorial hyperworld, as evidenced by Scoble's scathing remarks against Meckler for his overnight leap into the Blog cosmos. You can't just upload a page, say a few inconsequential things, and then expect the world to listen. You have to establish your credibility HERE – in THIS space. At one point, Alan was an industry kingpin. He even offered to acquire Lockergnome for a measly $100k (an offer which was laughable, even when he made it back in 1998). Sure, he's been busy – but not with this part of the Web. Somebody working for him obviously identified Dave as a community leader, but do they really know about our other friends? Have they established their credibility? I really, really don't think so – but that's not why I'm concerned about what I see happening. Let's look at a few working facts, folks. It's the ClickZ Weblog Business Strategies 2003 Conference & Expo. Just listen to that title. Say it aloud. You will know it is time to turn the page when you hear R2-D2 beep – like this…

ClickZ? They've got marketing written all over 'em. Ick. I hate marketers. I really, really, REALLY hate marketers. 99% of 'em just don't get how this “Internet thing” works. Looking beyond our (assumed-benign) host, let's dive into the bulletpoints. The New Communication Channel of Blogging; Business Blogs – Hype or Opportunity; The Success of Knowledge Blogs; The Revenue Opportunities of Blogs; A Blog Tutorial – Everything You Need to Start Your Own;
The Trend Lines of Blogs: What's Next? They wanna focus on the B-Blog – and there's nothing wrong with that. In theory. But this isn't a conference for bloggers – it's a conference for parrots who wanna cash in on our conversation. That turns my stomach more than any malted libation ever could. Sorry, but I have to call it like I see it. Conference Chairman: Kathleen Goodwin, CEO, iMakeNews. Where's her blog? Mom taught me never to judge a book by its cover, but this one seems to be two bars short of a UPC.

“Exhibitors will present the latest technologies and developments that are available on the market today for Weblogging.” Oh? Are Ben and Mena going to have a booth? Have Rebecca Blood, Dave Sifry, and “Tomalak” already been invited to sit on a panel? “This conference will bring together Webloggers who are pioneers, experts, and technologists.” It will? We're already together – and some of us have been together for years now. In person? We did it at Gnomedex. In fact, that blogroll still exists. Doc was there. Ev was there. Jason was there. We enabled people to blog – we didn't try to sell 'em on the idea.

I wear many hats, even though TechTV goes out of their way to ignore most of them. I'm an Internet entrepreneur, and I've used my blog to promote various and sundry projects (GnomeTomes, RentMyChest, Gnomedex, Lockergnome, etc.). But I've also brought my own dish to the party; I've driven qualified and quantifiable traffic, I've given blogger wannabes a direction, and I've done my best to give credit where credit's been due. We “allow” Winer to promote Radio UserLand, and Null to promote his latest book – but that's only because they talk to us. They engage us. B-Blogs do exist, but I'd like to believe they exist because their owners have a passion for their subject matter burning deep inside of them. How many passionate attendees will it take for the Jupitermedia conference to be crowned a success? Just because you can post an entry or two doesn't make you a blogger. That's the bottom line. And that's all I have to say about that. For now.