First Epiphany of a Lifetime
Everybody – My apologies here have been very cathartic, brought about from deep introspection. True to form, I've likely forgotten other people I've offended or wronged in life (unintentionally). This is an aspect of my personality that I'm in the process of acknowledging and turning around. It seems that I consistently forget to thank the people I count on (and care about) the most. Somehow, I've got a mental trigger that flips – taking my close relationships for granted. This makes me appear selfish, and that's not who I want to be (or what I want to be remembered as being). My passion is sometimes so strong that I forget to relay my thoughts effectively to others. I expect “everybody” to read my mind, which winds up creating nothing but frustration – and in its wake, confusion.
Exposing a personal weakness is something not oft recommended, but these admissions are directed at those who have been the closest to me (family included). I'm telling “everybody” that it's certainly an issue I'm aware of – and it's something that I want to change. I inherently trust people and give them my attention and energy without question, which I chalk up to having wonderful parents and having grown up in the kind-inclined state of Iowa. Like, I'll hold open the door for a complete stranger – but forget to serve my friends before I serve myself. Why? Again, I don't know for sure – I'm not a psychologist. But I'm aware of “the thing,” and doing what I can do to curb its influence on my personal and professional life. The key to me understanding this behavior is acknowledging that I think in the “big picture” 99.9% of the time. The details, while very important, are in a blind spot – and I need depend on others to take care of them for me (which isn't always the best thing for all involved).
I'm really a nice guy, but I'm also human. For that, I can't apologize.
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10 Comments
Fogarty
October 6th, 2004
at 4:32pm
Believe it or not, I totally relate. Which reminds me, I should call my mother for the first time in four months. Bad, bad me!
Anonymous
October 6th, 2004
at 5:01pm
Hey Chris
I believe its good to get it out, great touch with the Ex, thats the classy thing to do. Im sorry you guys didnt work out, I enjoyed her postings. Someday I hope you can tell us more about why you left Tech Tv,, since it no longer exists.
Anonymous
October 6th, 2004
at 6:09pm
Well done, Chris.
Lisa/www.glimpseofagrrl.com
Anonymous
October 6th, 2004
at 6:29pm
Hey Chris,
Living here in Minnesota (a much more kind-inclined state than Iowa), (Insert Iowan Joke here), I totally get where you're coming from. I've always found it easier to do things for complete strangers than for those close to me. It's good to see that your little self-examination is doing something for you. Maybe I'll try that in a year or two!
CoolB
October 6th, 2004
at 6:44pm
I totally understand as well Chris and I commend you on what you've done and said, it takes a great person to do something like that.
Anonymous
October 6th, 2004
at 6:54pm
Chris being this open proves you are more of a man than many of us.
I commend you for that
Giant's Randomness
Jared Hudgins
October 6th, 2004
at 7:10pm
Chris,
That was a really awesome/great/cool/amazing thing to do. I really appreciate it, and that proves even futher to me what a great person you are – giving people chances like you do in the first place.
Keep up the great work and development – great things are coming out of Lockergnome all of the time – and good things happen to good people. Thanks again.
Anonymous
October 6th, 2004
at 8:03pm
I'll be the first to admit that I've been tuning in to your life online for a while now only out of sheer schadenfreude. For the longest time, I thought you were an immature little brat that overrated his impact on the world and deserved every black cloud. But just as we're all human, we all hopefully evolve as time goes on. Kudos to your self-inventory and public apologies. I know it wasn't easy but it sure was a gutsy thing to do, something that can only be done with a deep sincerity. Best to you in the future.
Anonymous
October 7th, 2004
at 2:11pm
Well, maybe you're growing up at last. As far as Gretchen is concerned, unless you are officially divorced, you should have informed her about Ponzi personally (not e-mail). Like many men you married too young; you and Gretchen had a “starter” marriage. Several guys near and dear to me had marriages that lasted way short of 5 years and are now happily remarried. If you decide to reamrry in the future, you'll probably be happy too. I always had the feeling that you and Gretchen were not alike in your hearts (where it counts), while Ponzi is the soulmate you couldn't find when you were in your 20s.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2004
at 5:16pm
what a butt plug….