Sweater slapping is not a crime in most countries, but maybe it should be. Sure, it sounds cute until someone loses an eye (though, more likely, someone will just get a lot of lint on their hoodie — not that I’m naming names).
Okay! Fine. I will name names. Diana’s a sweater slapper! I tried to tattle on her to her mom, but since it’s her last day in town (which accounts for the day’s “blue” mood), she gave Diana a pass! And since I was revealed as a snitch, I got sweater slapped twice for my efforts!
I suppose I could learn some form of hoodie martial arts to defend myself against this violence, but who teaches that sort of thing? Sure, there’s jumper judo, frock fu, parka-jitsu, capepo, trenchcoat kwang-do, anorakido, and jeet kune windbreaker (all available at a community college near you), but what do I get?
I get sweater slapped without recourse. That’s what. :(