Email Newsletter Ready WordPress Template

Help. Seriously, help. WordPress doesn’t handle templates as nicely as MovableType does – which is a major problem for those of us who use either platform as a site-wide CMS. I need a “purifier” plugin developed to help me get around a gigantic problem.

We generate email newsletters from static pages (URLs), generated by templates and includes through MovableType. I need a simple way to call a WordPress template that:

1. has been stripped of all rich data: JavaScript, iFrames, Flash, etc..
2. pulls in all CSS to be rendered inline rather than via link.
3. can have a unique header and/or footer element.
4. is not indexed by the search engines.

I’d imagine this would be another template (or subset), though I don’t know how it would necessarily be called upon. For my purposes, I’d need to pull in data relative to dates (as in, render a purified page for content published on 2006/07/31). I’d also imagine that I can’t be the only one screaming for this feature. Any email newsletter brethren (or sistren) care to prove to me that email, indeed, is not quite dead yet?

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