Don’t Put me on the Do Not Call List

I realize that the last thing I should ever do is interact with a telemarketer – but I can’t help myself anymore. They keep calling, despite me never asking them to call in the first place. I’m starting to draw inspiration from Jim Florentine these days.

You never know when they’re going to call, you never know what they’ll be selling, and you never really know what’s going to happen when I find their weak point and exploit it.

In my entire life, I’ve never purchased anything from a telemarketer – I’m not sure why they keep calling. Must be a numbers game? How about this number: 3. That’s how many seconds it takes for me to start recording your interruption for the world to enjoy.

14 thoughts on “Don’t Put me on the Do Not Call List”

  1. Pingback: Anonymous
  2. Best advice I’ve heard (and practiced)…

    1. Act real interested in their rap;

    2. tell ‘em somebody just came to the front door and ask ’em if they’ll hold for a minute (they always say “yes”);

    3. go away and leave ‘em hangin’ for as long as they’re dumb enough to stay on the line.

    It’s fun, it’s easy, and it saves a handful of other poor schmucks a phone call at the end of the day for whatever time you kept the telemarketer from doing his job.

  3. Sorry, Chris. This is not funny, and since the caller for Craftmatic kept saying “say again”, it’s a term generally used by ex-Navy or ex-Coastguardsman. He probably served his country for a few years, and now he is trying to make a few bucks.

    He sounded like a nice person, and you were making his JOB difficult. If you found yourself in a situation where you had to take a low-paying, un-romantic job like his, as a primary or even a secondary job, you would be able to empathize with him and you would never do what you are doing to him or other phone solicitors.

    If you don’t like them, screen your calls with a recorder as I did when I had a land line, or answer and say, “Thank you, but no thank you, I do not take these kind of calls.” You will make his life easier, and you will feel better about yourself and your treatment of your fellow human beings.

    Give a little thought to the other person. The world would be better for it, don’t you agree?

  4. Moved to Vancouver 3 years ago, and it’s amazing to me that in Canada you cant’ sing up for a Do-not-call/do-not-junkMail list.

    In England this service it’s available for free, and one week after registering that was it!! No more invasive telemarketers and no more rubbish thru your letterbox – EVER!

  5. When I worked as a telemarketer in college (I was trying to eat), I enjoyed talking to someone/anyone! who asked questions, since 56 minutes out of every hour was spent listening to busy signals, no one picking up, the number being out of order, or being told to go fvck myself. No one wants to do this job.

    And I can vouch for that fact: NO ONE WANTS TO DO THIS JOB; they have to in order to survive. While it’s okay to parry back and forth with the person, understand that it’s not a fair conversation. If they show their frustration and say anything back, they get fired on the spot. It’s the policy. In that way, you’re picking on an economically defenseless person, and on top of that, telemarketing is physically exhausting. When you finish your 9-10 hour shift, you don’t want to talk to anyone; don’t want to answer your phone; don’t want to listen to anyone; don’t want to “hear” anything. Just silence. As a result, the job itself isolates your social life in no time.

    Once, when we didn’t offer the ‘insurance’ we were hocking in this one guy’s area, he asked me what would be second best. I told him that a certain professional “list” listed “X Company” as the most reliable in his area.

    Of course, the managers were listening in on the call (that’s all they do), and the minute I hung up, I was called in the office, interrogated on what I said (I didn’t lie, and told them whom I recommended), and since it wasn’t our company that the guy could buy from anyway, I was fired on the spot.

    Man, no mac & cheese for almost a week after that!

  6. I just wanted to side with J Murray. I like to think that it is never necessary to abuse an innocent (and really, anyone working in this job is an innocent victim of the evil that angers you) to make your point.

    Like J Murray, I interrupt as soon as the nature of the call is apparent and despite whether they stop talking or not, I say clearly that I do not accept this type of call and then hang up. I feel empowered and I don’t lose any time to the call.
    Note: I never engage the person at the other end. My message is to the corporation sponsoring the calls not the poor schlub on the other end of the line.

  7. Get a recording like Kevin did in home alone, the one with the two
    gangsters arguing and the one ‘rubbing out’ the other one with the
    submachine gun, or something in the vein. Play it off in the background,
    when the cops show up, deny everything, telemarketing company’s
    credibility his the sewer.

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