Disclaimer

I never, ever respond to link requests. However, I think I’m making my first exception with Mike Layden. “I’ve been linking to your site for maybe two years now… any chance you could return the favor someday?” Mike, I’m only doing this because (a) you have a creative domain name, and (b) your site disclaimer cracked me up. For posterity:

Batteries not included. Some assembly may be required. WARNING: NO USER SERVICEABLE PARTS INSIDE. REFER SERVICING TO QUALIFIED PERSONNEL! Contents may settle during shipment. Drink before date on carton. Use only as directed. You’re soaking in it now. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Keep away from children. Viewer discretion advised. May be too intense for some viewers. No bottles, knives, guns, or attitudes. Keep out of direct sunlight. Apply only to affected area. If condition persists, consult your physician. All models over 18 years of age, affidavits on file. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. List each check separately by bank number. No other warranty expressed or implied. Void where prohibited. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For recreational use only. Slippery when wet. Sanitized for your protection. Delivered fresh every day. For off-road use only. Your mileage may vary. Edited for television. Post office will not deliver without proper postage. For office use only. List was current at time of printing. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Penalty for private use. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. First pull up, then pull down. Avoid contact with skin. Beware of dog. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. If you are calling from a touch-tone telephone please press one now. To ensure quality service, this call may be recorded. You must be present to win. No purchase necessary. You must be 18 to win. Employees and their families are not eligible. No passes accepted for this engagement. List at least two alternate dates. I want my MTV. Some equipment shown is optional. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. Not for resale. Keep dog on leash. Please stand behind yellow line. Driver carries less than $20 cash. Driver does not make change. Many suitcases look alike. This is not an offer to sell securities. NO ANCHOVIES UNLESS OTHERWISE SPECIFIED. When a problem comes along, you must whip it. Whip it good. The Internet will change the way we live, work, and learn, yada, yada, yada. He who dies with the most toys, wins. I wish I had bought Microsoft a long time ago. Personal goal: to outlive the milk mustache commercials. And rap music. Isn’t everyone bored yet? Please return your tray table to its’ full upright and locked position and remain seated until we have come to a complete stop. We’re all special because we’re all different– just like everyone else. Do not mark in this space. WARNING! Severe tire damage will result! Are your turn signals on? Happy Hour is from 4:30 PM to 6:30 PM. Buy one, get one free! We are closed on Wednesdays. Film at eleven. This vehicle not responsible for rocks thrown from tires. Tank you veddy much. No, really.

I can’t think of a single catchphrase that might be missing.

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