This post is not an endorsement supporting Wells Fargo. In fact, I largely disapprove of Wells Fargo and think they’ve been up to some questionable activities in relation to my good-standing accounts. If it were up me, I’d love to see Wells Fargo fail miserably – but not at the expense of the average customer. The following is to help you, not them.

This afternoon, after filming a spot for MSNBC’s “Caught On Camera,” I drove into town to pick up a my daily espresso.

I received an incoming call from “BLOCKED,” but answered anyway. There was a pre-recorded voice stating something along the lines of: _This is Wells Fargo. Your bank card has been locked due to security reasons. Press ’1′ to unlock your account.” I did not press ’1′ – and the call disconnected after I pressed ’0′ (just to see). Even if it did go through, I wouldn’t have given any information to the caller.

It certainly sounded like an automated recording, leading me to believe that this operation (if criminal in nature) was scalable and widespread. These criminals would be spending next to nothing to gain access to untold amounts of money.

Being a block away from a Wells Fargo bank, I stopped by just in case this was a legitimate call. Before I could explain the entire situation to the teller, he confirmed that the call was a scam. Worse yet? He said that they’ve had a lot of account holders come in to relay the same story recently.

Before heading home, I called my girlfriend (through my hands-free bluetooth system) to let her know about what had just happened. I didn’t want to leave her safety to chance.

In all my years, I’ve really only seen digital scams – but they certainly prepared me to face this situation with skepticism. I’d like to believe that even if I hadn’t been aware of these types of scams, I would have reacted the same way (and remained safe).

Let this simply serve as a reminder: think before you act, especially if you’re reacting to something. It’s one thing to share private / sensitive information with a person you’ve called or connected with, but you should always keep your guard up when someone (largely unauthenticated) tries to pry any amount of knowledge from your brain.

You might think yourself secure simply because you’re not banking at Wells Fargo, but replace this brand with the name of any other financial institution…? Yeah, it could happen to anybody.

Wells Fargo Scam

Brandon Wirtz, a member of the LockerGnome team, decided it was time to make a few upgrades to his Mini Cooper. One of these upgrades – which is primarily focused on increasing horse power and gas mileage – is to increase the amount of air flow to the engine by replacing the stock air intake with something better.

By replacing the stock paper air filter with a larger cloth model, the amount of air flow to the engine increases. This increases the combustion efficiency and results in a few extra horsepower. Improved gas mileage and slightly increased speed are a couple expected advantages to this upgrade.

Cloth air filters are slightly more expensive, though they are reusable and allow for the free flow of air between the environment and the engine. Cleaning can be done using a special kit that maintains the chemical balance required for the intake to function properly.

One thing to keep in mind when doing this upgrade is to make sure the mass air flow sensor is out of the way and safe while you’re replacing the intake. This is a $150 part that can impact the way your vehicle works and performs. Another item of note is that you will want to secure the new intake to avoid bumps and dips in the road causing unhealthy jostling. In this instance, Brandon went with zip ties (also known as cable ties) to keep the intake securely in place.

A new air intake won’t create a drastic change in your car’s overall performance alone. It is one of several upgrades that can improve the way your vehicle functions. A slow car won’t become an instant drag racer, but the benefits in the improved gas mileage may pay off financially over time.

UPDATE: After a wave of inquiries as to the possibility of “heat soaking” an engine by removing the plastic casing surrounding the old air filter, Brandon put out this video demonstrating his MPG and temperature readings after the upgrade.

Do you have any gas mileage improving tips or tricks? Please leave a comment below and let me know.

How to Increase Gas Mileage on Your Car

This is a guest post written by Reza Malayeri, a frequent contributor to our LockerGnome channel on YouTube.

Reports are flying in that apple’s iTunes server is experiencing a glitch that will turn your iPhone, iPad, or iPod Touch into a very high priced BRICK. Needless to say, this is a very scary scenario, and the apple support forums are filled with complaints from shocked users who are out of luck.

Luckily there is hope for people who previously saved their SHSH files with TinyUmbrella (no need to jailbreak), or people who had jailbroken their iDevice on iOS versions prior to 4.3.3.

The SHSH file is a crucial iOS firmware file that allows users of the iPhone, iPad, and iPod Touch to DOWNGRADE their version of iOS to whatever version of iOS that they have a saved SHSH for. When a user jailbreaks their iDevice, Cydia will usually save a copy of the most recent SHSH and cache that on their servers. You may get lucky and have several SHSH files for previous versions of iOS saved on the Cydia servers. Alternatively, you may have been diligent, and decided to save your SHSH files as an insurance policy against unforeseen situations like this. We have several video’s explaining how to save your SHSH files on our LockerGnome YouTube channel. One of which can be found here.

Once you determine if you have saved copies of SHSH files for previous versions of iOS, you’ll want to begin the process of downgrading from your bricked 4.3.3 iDevice. You’ll need to launch TinyUmbrella and search for a copy of the iOS firmware that you’d like to downgrade to on the internet. Two iOS firmware repositories you could try are ModMyi and Redmond Pie.

Next you’ll want to place your iPhone, iPad, or iPod Touch in DFU (Device Firmware Update) mode, and prepare to restore to your iOS firmware of choice. To place your bricked iDevice in DFU, you simply: open iTunes and connect the iPhone to your Mac, press and hold the Home button and the Sleep/Wake button at the same time, and after exactly 10 seconds release the Sleep/Wake button. Continue holding the Home button until your iTunes pops up a message telling you that it has detected an iPhone in recovery mode.

Now you can make sure you have the associated SHSH in Tiny Umbrella, and lauch the TSS server in Tiny Umbrella by pressing the button “Launch TSS server”. Once the TSS server is running in TinyUmbrella, head back over to iTunes, and press the “Restore” button while holding down the “Option” key on your Mac’s keyboard. On Windows you would be holding down “Ctrl” while pressing Restore in iTunes. You should now see iTunes giving the option to navigate the location where you previously downloaded the iOS firmware that you will downgrading to. Navigate to the iOS firmware file and select it. You should now be able to downgrade your iDevice. Keep in mind that you must have a stored SHSH file in TinyUmbrella that is associated with a version of iOS prior to 4.3.3, and you must have the TSS server running withing TinyUmbrella prior to restoring with iTunes.

How To Unbrick Your iDevice After Upgrading to iOS 4.3.3

Okay, so someone doesn’t want to be with you anymore – or you don’t want to be with him. There are 6.7 billion other people on this planet for you to get to know. When it comes to finding a loving, compatible relationship, it really isn’t over until… well, it’s never really over.

The idea for this article actually came about after I recognized that people were searching Google for more information on my own divorce(s). For that, I’ve helped assemble divorce tips for men, too.

How can a woman survive divorce? It’s not easy. Take heart in knowing you’re not alone. These days, women have many resources through books, support networks, Internet resources, and webinars. There even might be an app for that soon, but for the time being, the only divorce app for iPhone was created by a lawyer to help people contemplating divorce to consider the hidden costs of divorce.

I’ve co-authored this set of tips with my friend Imei Hsu (RN, MAC, LMHC). The list is far from complete, but it’s based on our collective experience – me as a divorcé, and she as a relationship counselor and divorcée. She’s not MY therapist, of course – but if you’d like help with your own relationship issues, she takes clients from all around the country in a virtual capacity via Seattle Counseling. She’s even available to help you via email, Skype, or FaceTime.

If you have something constructive to add to the following list of suggestions and tips, feel free to post your feedback in the comments section below. This is NOT a place for you to vent about how “evil” men are – or how you were wronged in your divorce, okay?

1. Make a commitment to take better care of yourself: mind, body, and soul. You are going to need everything you have to close the relationship. When it comes to the body, it’s “garbage in, garbage out.” Don’t use food to console yourself. Binge eating has been known to happen when a woman feels unhappy; so does temporary anorexia, or what Imei calls “the Separation Diet”. Consider Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: at the bottom level, you should be meeting your needs for food, shelter, rest, and safety.

   Most women don’t have problems with maintaining themselves, but you might need to adjust how much time, energy, and expense you place on vanity. Your finances will likely change dramatically. Does it really make sense to spend $80 – $120 on a haircut? $25 on a bottle of hair product? You’re going to wash it down the drain, literally. Consider better investments of your money without depriving yourself of needed services. Do not skimp on health insurance.

2. Don’t engage in unnecessary emotional banter with your soon-to-be ex-partner (or anybody connected to him in some capacity for that matter). These fights are almost never worth having on the way out the door of the relationship. Be the bigger person in the room: end the fight, attempt to set up a more productive time to discuss any necessary questions or plans, and leave the room, if necessary or possible.

   This isn’t a gender-specific tip. Whoever catches the emotional banter first should be the one to call a time-out. If you are good at this, use it to your advantage, and save both of you more heartache.

   Ladies, we’re known for using far more words (approximately ten times more) than men do in a typical conversation. If you know your own propensity to drag out a fight, get a stop watch out, or use a timer. If a discussion goes on longer than twenty minutes, take a break. Anything you force beyond what most men can handle in one sitting is usually not productive. Save your catharsis for a therapist or a good friend.

3. Think before you put anything in writing: email, tweet, letter, etc. Whatever you post online could end up there forever. In the heat of the moment, it might seem funny to take revenge and say some tactless words, post funny pictures of your partner, or shame your partner by disclosing sacred stories shared between the two of you.

   Women have a tendency to do more sharing face-to-face with a friend or family member. Take care what you share. Like musical notes, once we sound off, it’s really hard to take it back. Do you really want to tell your friend that your man has a penis the size of a tube of lipstick? Or that it is over between you two, when you may actually end up reconciling? Don’t even go there if you find nasty public statements from your partner about you. Be the bigger person: don’t retaliate, but kindly ask him to stop.

4. Don’t use your partner as a therapist for your emotions. Nagging him for answers as to why the marriage isn’t working – even if you initiated a separation – will likely press his back to the wall. Instead, ask friends to listen empathetically (without much feedback) if you need to vent. Pets make great listeners!

   Do not use your partner as a dumping ground for your guilt, anger, or remorse. If you have apologies to make for your behavior, let your partner know, and let your partner choose a time to hear this from you. Process your guilt and anger with someone else (but exercise discretion). Similarly, cut the man off at the pass if he tries to use you as his therapist, especially if you have been his best friend and confidante. Re-route him to a licensed therapist or a trusted friend.

5. Call your closest friends and family and ask for their support without taking sides or placing judgment on either you or your partner. Ask them to be there for you when either you or your partner moves out, to talk with your children (if there are any), and watch your pets while on travel or vacations. Most people feel helpless as to how they can be a part of your life when you are in transition or crisis. Make a list of some easy tasks or involvement that lets your closest confidants know how much you need them and want them to be a part of your life – on either side of the divorce.

   If you will be maintaining a house on your own, make a list of repairs, get your handyman’s number (or ask your friends for a recommendation), and make sure you have a decent set of power tools available. Don’t like tools? Ladies, they even come in sets with pink handles! It’s cool to have tools! There is nothing like fixing it yourself to feel a sense of accomplishment and empowerment.

   If you can’t fix it yourself, or you don’t have the money to hire someone, learn about bartering in your area.

6. Do your best to get adequate sleep, food, and exercise on a regular basis. Schedule it into your calendar like you would meetings for work or for your kids’ schedules. Food and exercise help elevate your mood, as well as give you energy to stay in the game [Music is also an instant mood elevator, as it is pure emotion. Design some playlists of music that makes you feel upbeat and positive - and play it when you wake up in the morning.]

   Don’t have time or money to go to the gym? Lack of “me time” is a common complaint for women. If you can’t go to the gym, let the “gym” come to you. Use that Wii Fit he made you buy him last Christmas, borrow some exercise DVD’s, dance around your house while blasting your favorite upbeat music, and do Yoga while the kids and pets are taking naps. Walk to the nearest grocery store a couple of times a week, if possible, and combine errands with vigorous walking whenever you can. You don’t need to think of exercise as a means of controlling your weight. Exercise should function as a way to help keep you healthy and strengthen your immune system.

7. Don’t drink, drug, or party your way through your issues. You need a clear head and steady emotions to handle the many difficult choices and emotions ahead. If you notice you’ve been hitting the bottle often, try other mood-elevating activities, such as exercise, music, rest, and spending time with good friends in an enjoyable activity.

   That’s not to say it’s not fun to dull the senses every so often, but if it gets to the point that the ONLY way you can rest is by drinking or drugging yourself there, it’s time to rethink your strategy.

   This is not a time for you to test-drive your new found freedom and win yourself a spot on the next “Girls Gone Wild” video. Partying + heavy drinking/drugging + men = trouble for you. Save yourself the heartache of waking up in a scummy hotel by the airport with stranger and a couple of used condoms on the floor.

8. If you have difficulty sleeping or eating because of depression or anxiety, seek medical attention from an MD or a therapist. Imei suggests you shouldn’t let this go longer than three weeks; immediately, if you have thoughts of harming yourself or others. If you still can’t sleep well past three weeks, it’s time to help your body get back into a rhythm.

   The Web is a great resource to find local health practitioners who treat Adjustment Disorder related to stress and transitions such as a divorce. If you have health insurance from your employer, you’re paying for these benefits, anyway (might as well use them). If your partner removes your health insurance because you are no longer his dependent (such as in legal separation), you will need to either negotiate with him for an extension of health care benefits through a state program, private insurance, or find benefits you can afford.

   This kind of problem likely isn’t going to take care of itself. Crying day after day at home or at your desk, for example, may be a sign that you need more help than time alone can heal.

9. Notify family and hold age-appropriate conversations with your children as soon as you have both made a decision to end the relationship. Have a plan in place, and be open to feedback and negotiation, on how to best care for your children. You’d hate to discover this kind of information about one of your family members from someone who wasn’t a part of the family, wouldn’t you?
10. Seek a therapist or life coach to help process issues related to the ending of a relationship, especially if you feel you are repeating familiar patterns that lead you to feel you are “stuck”. This person should not be connected to you or her in any other capacity. Don’t expect them to pass judgment in your favor, either – that’s potentially the court’s responsibility. A fresh perspective is seldom a poor one.

    If there is physical, emotional, or verbal abuse in your dynamic with your partner, it is a priority to protect yourself and your children. If you cannot report abuse yourself, go to a trusted friend or authority figure and share only any facts about abuse in the relationship. It is important that you be very clear about facts. Unfortunately, emotions can cloud judgment, so document carefully and concisely.

    In some cases, you may find that you are the one being accused of abuse. It is very important to stick to any available facts, as emotions can often cloud one’s judgment. While physical abuse is rarely reported among men, there are more and more cases emerging where uncontrolled rage drove women to physically lash out at their spouse or children. The law does not care if you are a woman. You can go to jail for physical abuse or destruction of property.

11. There is a reason why people warn you about the “rebound” relationship. Consider yourself vulnerable, and don’t be too eager to jump into another serious relationship.

    Rule of thumb: one month of singleness for every year of marriage. If you have been married for many years, tell yourself to not be in any hurry to find another partner (for any kind of serious relationship – including another marriage). Slow down, take your time, and give an appropriate rest to the relationship you are ending.

    Women who divorce in later life tend to fare better than their partners. By that time, you have your own money, and the kids are older or may have already left the nest. Essentially, you are pretty much done taking care of anyone else, let alone yet another man who never learned how to do his own laundry. It is not uncommon for older female divorcees to gather, travel together, party, attend each other’s children’s weddings and baby showers, and leave the men behind. For mature women, an unfettered life may be just the ticket to happiness.

12. Set rules for communication with your soon-to-be-ex-partner, including when to end discussions that become heated. Even if you think you’re headed for an amicable split, you should expect the unexpected.

    It’s likely that communication issues are what tore the two of you apart – you should expect they’ll worsen while in the process of deciding how to end your partnership.

    If need be, call in an arbiter – a neutral party. Family or friends don’t usually count (the exception: cultures that use an older family member to solve domestic disputes).

13. Don’t binge on anything: spending money, sex, drinking, drugs, TV, entertainment, sleep. Most of these will simply serve to dissociate you from what you need to attend to. If an activity is overtaking your responsibilities, you’re probably bingeing.

    You’ve heard the joke: when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping. Before you start hearing cash registers in your head, you should take careful inventory of your expenses related to the divorce: your share of taxes, house and car payments, house repairs, health insurance, utilities, food and incidentals. If you will be receiving maintenance, it may still not be enough to cover your expenses, let alone a reckless trip to the mall. If you have children, you’ll also have additional expenses of keeping up two households.

    Imei’s tip to shopaholics: if you tend to use your credit cards without thinking, write the numbers down in a safe place (but without the 3 digit code on the back), set up auto-payments for DOLPing (date of last payment) the largest to the smallest, and put them in water inside of a freezer bag. Place the bag in the freezer and forget about them. If you are tempted to use them, guess what? You will minimally need to let them defrost before you can take them to a store or use them online. Oh yeah, and remove all your payment information from online stores you frequented. If you’re still having problems with spending and not paying off balances, subscribe to a financial blog for women such as “The Daily Worth”, or talk to a financial counselor.

    Shopping like there’s no tomorrow is a form of sabotage. When you assume payments of your expenses, you are simply putting more pressure on yourself to cough up money you do not have.

14. If you ever thought that meditation and yoga might be useful, this would be a good time to investigate. More than 18.3 million people in the U.S. say they practice yoga on a regular basis. It’s likely being offered in your gym or an area studio; if you can’t afford it, get a recommended DVD or try a free podcast. Yoga clears the way for mediation to occur. You’ll like the way you feel and think after a few sessions of asana (physical component of Yoga).

    Set up private sessions if you’re feeling self-conscious about it; dive into a group class and enjoy camaraderie with other fellow Yoga newbies.

15. Make a list of the things you enjoy doing, and try to work in one of two of those activities a week, such as crafting with your gal friends or working on a hobby or project. Enjoyable tasks will help to ground you in the understanding that there is life after divorce. It might actually be fun! If you don’t have a hobby, make a list of things you’ve always wanted to try: karate, rock climbing, glass blowing, wine tasting, belly dancing, couch surfing. Look in your local community college catalog, comb online class offerings, and sign up for lessons in whatever your interest is.
16. The person you are divorcing is not the same person you married. If you’re shocked at the anger, apathy, ambivalence, or venom you are receiving from your partner, remind yourself that divorce is difficult for both people, no matter the circumstances. If his reaction seems like “more of the same” (i.e. it has been this way with you from the get-go), don’t spend a lot of time emotionally pleading that you can change, or that you you can “fix” things so he’ll feel better. Count yourself fortunate you are ending this relationship, as it isn’t good for either of you to continue hating each other and fighting.

    You may never receive answers to your questions about this relationship. The more you keep looking for “why,” the more frustrated you will likely become. There may be a time you can find more answers to your “why” questions, but if and when you receive them, take them with a grain of salt, and do your best to consider it a learning opportunity for your personal growth.

17. Don’t expect your partner to express remorse, shame, or sadness in the same way that you do. Just because he isn’t crying a river and causing Kleenex shortages in your neighborhood does not mean that he isn’t a thinking, feeling human being. In a similar vein, if you are surprised at your own tears, anger, and even laughter, know that with the end of a relationship, all kinds of emotions can and do emerge at the strangest of times. Imei says go ahead and cry. Scream. If you try to hold back, you just get a headache and more wrinkles.
18. Read books on divorce that are balanced and fair. There is a way to divorce without becoming bitter or tainted. Make notes of the things you need to do. If you prefer workshops, look on the web for a “Divorce Bootcamp”; many are geared towards recovery, finances, and legal rights. Steer clear of “male bashing” groups. You won’t likely find anything to help you there.

    If you’re looking for materials to help you place blame on him and the things he did, or to help you justify your decisions, you’re not doing yourself any favors.

19. Because of the way society places responsibility on the woman for domestic tranquility, the woman often feels more shame and responsibility if an affair is involved. Recognize your proclivity to compare yourself to the other woman, and to wail, “What does she have that I don’t have?” A great resource book is, “After the Affair” http://www.amazon.com/After-Affair-Healing-Rebuilding-Unfaithful/dp/0060928174 If you were the one who walked out because of an affair, you will need to spend time dealing with the hurt you have caused because of your dishonesty. This book addresses both the sides of the coin.
20. Be respectful of your personal needs for space and “quiet,” and be respectful of your partner’s needs as well. If you are doing a partial separation under the same roof, get reacquainted with your MP3 player and Bose noise-canceling headphones – and be aware that cooking something wonderful at 2am might be disturbing, just as venting to a friend on your phone can be hurtful. Sit down with your partner and calmly discuss household rules to make this awkward period of time a little easier on the both of you.

    And yes, believe it or not, this scenario (especially in a down economy) is quite common. It can save money, but shouldn’t be done at the cost of your mutual sanity.

21. If you use the Internet to communicate, refrain from using emotional language. Keep it to business and simple questions. If the emails are lengthy, especially yours, remind yourself and your partner of the purpose of the communications, and stick to those reasons. If you feel you are being repeatedly harassed by the content of the emails, scan them briefly and save them for a rainy day with your attorney.

    It’s possible that anything you do can be used against you – in or out of context. If you are unsure if you should send a particular email, have a trusted friend read it and make suggestions. Rule of thumb: never send an email when you are angry or exhausted.

22. Respect your needs for a safe and private living space, including temporary accommodations. If you’re the one to move out, make a request list of the items you will need to be safe and comfortable. Make sure there are separate beds for each child, and their personal items duplicated if need be for each residence. If you are the one who remains in the house, have your partner store or remove his things in a timely manner. Have a friend take a look at your space and make suggestions on what you need to make your space more comfortable and inviting. A woman’s home is an extension of her very being.

    Related to your space, people ask Imei what to do with sentimental items, such as pictures and personalized objects (i.e. charging glasses, etched glass frames, etc). The time of the divorce is not the only season you will grieve this relationship’s end, just like a funeral is not the only time you grieve the loss of a loved one. Suggestion: gather a few boxes and fill them with the sentimental items. Seal them with tape and store them in an attic or a closet that you do not access on a regular basis. One year from the time of your divorce settlement, grab a friend, open the box, and sort through the items. You’ll know if it’s time to either keep them, donate them, recycle, re-gift, or throw them away.

    One recycling tip: remove large pictures of your wedding from its frames, discard the pictures, and reuse the frame at a local frame shop with new art. Better yet, learn how to re-frame art yourself and save money.

23. Make sure to schedule time with your children and your pets. The energy it takes to care for yourself will often displace what you have to give to others.

    Do your best to communicate how much you care, and how you will make sure that they have access to you as much if not more as before the divorce. If your children are 14 or older, they have some stake in custody issues. Listen to their needs, recognize that they may need someone to vent anger and fear with (including anger AT you), and reserve your own hurt for a session with your therapist, good friend, or family member. No matter how angry or hurt you are, never threaten your partner or children with a vow to keep them separated, unless there is domestic violence involved. Your threats will be empty, but the emotional hurt will linger for years to come.

    Animals are sensitive to your presence and absence, and need more care than just food, water, and exercise. Put your pets on a schedule as well for health care, grooming, activity, and interaction.

    What happens if you have more than one pet, and your partner wants to keep one? This can also feel like a custody battle with potential for loss. Consider the pet’s needs. One home or caretaker might be able to care for a particular pet in a way you cannot. In this case, it isn’t about who is right or wrong, but what is best for the animals.

24. Let people give to you [unless the giver has ulterior motives- in which case, come up with some pleasant excuse to not accept]. If your sister wants to come over and make a bunch of fresh food to put into your freezer, let her. If your best friend’s husband offers to come help you move furniture, say please and thank you, and send both of them a thank you gift.

    Thinking you can make it through this experience alone is naïve – I don’t care how independent you want others to think you are.

25. This would NOT be a good time to post pictures of yourself partying down with a bunch of Chipendale look-a-likes. As much as that might be ego-boosting to you, it will not get you what you want out of your divorce. In fact, it could score you less leverage in the long-run, and your girlfriends might start clutching their men a bit tighter when they are around you.

    He’s going to think whatever he wants to think – no matter what you do or do NOT do. Don’t give him any more ammunition, okay? Don’t stop living life, but don’t flaunt your indiscretions, either.

    If you are the one initiating the divorce, there is still no pain-free reason to trounce on your partner’s ego.

26. Though the Klingon’s are right, “Revenge is a dish best served cold” – you don’t really want to take revenge on your partner (even if you feel like you do). The elation that MIGHT come from retaliation to any perceived (or actual) wrong-doings is only short-term – and is not itself a solution.

    If you really want to survive this divorce, don’t destroy yourself (or anybody else) in this process. We believe it is entirely possible to come out a better person on the other side of divorce. Hopefully, you’ll both be better people.

27. Leave his friends and family out of your fights – and ask him to leave yours out of his. If necessary, use a mediator or a therapist to help the two of you process the ending of the marriage. A mediator can call a “time out” when things get heated, and name when either of you are investigating unhelpful directions.

    This will probably be the most difficult suggestion to follow.

28. Make plans to say good-bye to your partner’s family of origin. Just because you are divorcing your partner doesn’t mean that family members don’t want to say good-bye. They may not be happy, but saying good-bye is part of doing closure on this chapter of your life.

    If and when this happens, don’t share ANYTHING other than pleasantries.

29. If you aren’t planning on celibacy during your divorce process, be responsible. Take any tests necessary if you have any question about exposing yourself to an STD during your marriage (or if you’ve moved on with other sexual partners). Don’t be stupid: you don’t need to take anyone’s word for it. Get tested before further activity, and always use protection.
30. You can still get pregnant with a “last fuck” (a.k.a. “for good time’s sake” sex). If you decide to have sex with your partner during the divorce, you should also decide what kind of birth control to use, and to be responsible to share that information with him beforehand.

    “Last fuck” sex is almost always a bad idea. It tends to confuse the issues and pour more hurt on any open wounds. That doesn’t mean there won’t be moments that you catch a glimpse of your partner, and recall the special moments of intimacy and ecstasy you share. However, you won’t be able to resolve any relational issues with sex. If your partner is resistant to the separation and tries to put the moves on you, you may find yourself in the strange and undiscovered country of saying no to sex. You’re not crazy. Just say “no”.

    Think it doesn’t happen? Imei says she has seen it in her 10 years of private practice experience. A “surprise baby” does not hold a man to the relationship, and in many case, doesn’t hold him financially either. Be smart. Think it through.

31. Although the process can be a time of learning for both partners, it usually isn’t a great time to do any kind of risky experimentation, such as quitting your job, returning to school, sexual experimentation past your own limits, or huge changes in lifestyle arrangements. Although potentially exciting, they tend to sap energy away from constructive change.
32. If you are middle-aged (or older) and your marriage has lasted longer than 15 years, it’s likely time for a relationship “tune up”. Even if you blame your partner for the divorce, that blame isn’t going to educate you about what’s “out there”: hook ups, casual sex, partner swapping, STD’s, etc. If you don’t know the difference between HPV and POS, take the time to find out. It’s a whole new world out there!
33. Look outside of your own frame of reference for clues as to what “fair and equitable” means. By knowing how these terms translate into dollars, cents, objects, and your partner’s well-being, you will neither be “taken for a ride” nor be unfair to your partner or children. Every state / country is equipped with different laws. It is your responsibility to know your rights. Don’t expect your partner to inform you of your rights; he’ll be likely looking out for himself the way you ought to be looking out for yourself.
34. Things are just things. Items can usually be replaced. If you find yourself getting angry about what possessions you are about to lose or give away, remind yourself: “these are just things”. You get to keep your soul. No one can take that away from you.
35. Take a break from talking about the ills of the relationship and the divorce process every once and awhile. Watch a movie, play games with the kids, walk your dog. When most of your thoughts are negative, so will your life experience be. Thoughts become things: if you fill your mind with the positive, so will your next experiences be filled with positivity.
36. If your self-esteem has taken a blow (i.e. you’re the one being dumped), do your best to figure out what went wrong, and put yourself on a self-improvement plan. This isn’t for him, it’s for you! Get back in touch with what makes you appreciate your true self. If you simply blow your partner off as the one who needs to change, you will lose your learning opportunity to better yourself. You don’t have to take every nit-picky comment to heart. You’ll know if he hit close to home on elements you could change for yourself.

    The Universe does give second chances, but if you didn’t learn your lesson, it tends to say “Meh” and bestows gifts on someone else. Or worse: dooms you to the same fate. We call it Karma.

37. Watch a lot of comedy. Laughter really is the best medicine. Expand your repertoire. See the lightness of humor in everything, including your own self-righteousness. If you can’t find a reason to laugh, you’re taking yourself too seriously. The situation sucks, but if you let it get the best of you – that’s precisely what it’ll take from you.
38. Be prepared to lose friends, or have friends abandon your partner for no apparent reason. In Burt Bacharach’s “Darkest Place”, Elvis Costello croons: “Meanwhile, all our friends must choose who they will favor, who they will lose.” Most people are unable to be friends to both partners; a few might be able to demonstrate the kind of maturity it takes to “hold” while the two of you are at odds with each other. You might also receive some unkind remarks, even if you haven’t done anything overtly wrong.

    People have their own projections and fears about divorce, and they may treat you like your divorce is contagious. Others will take potshots at you (or him) in efforts to feel more superior. Don’t give their remarks too much power over you.

    At the end of the day, you’re in the divorce with him – and nobody else. Do your best to ignore unwarranted, unprofessional, and uneducated judgments.

39. If you don’t actually know this, it is customary to return the ring to the partner who purchased it. If he purchased your ring, you should return it to him, although he has the option to allow you to keep it. If it was an heirloom from your family, you should ask to keep the ring in the family. If you purchased his ring, he should return it to you. It would be a kind gesture to return it to him as a peace offering.

    When it comes time to figure out what to do with the ring(s), consider consigning them and offering the money received in a gift towards the children, the house, or some other tangible form of care. There are better options than taking the ring to a pawn shop. For more ideas, check out http://articles.sfgate.com/2008-02-10/living/17139680_1_engagement-ring-ring-cycle-marriage

    If you purchased the ring for him and he does not return it… well, that’s rather telling, isn’t it? Remember the previous rule: things are just things.

40. If this is the first time you have experienced either a marital dissolution or a long-term relationship termination, you should consider various options, timelines, and fiscally-responsible ways to divide your assets according to your state’s or country’s laws. Beyond legalities, however, there are also other considerations: when to remove your partner from a family calling plan for mobile devices, how to receive adequate health care coverage and for how long, etc. Note that some businesses do not allow you to turn over an account to your former spouse, so who ever is named on it may retain the account value. It has not been unheard of for partners to request the value of accumulated frequent flyer mileage.
41. You have the choice to retain your last name or revert to your maiden name throughout the divorce process. Your children’s teachers and adult mentors should be notified if there is a change of names for you and/or your children. You will need a notary public to authenticate name changes and copies of the divorce papers; these papers will be necessary to prove you had a legal name change in order to open bank accounts, start a business, and obtain/maintain various licenses. You will also need to make sure that all your identification, especially your passport, match the name on your driver’s license after it has been updated. Passports are amended in the back of the passport until it is time for it to be renewed.
42. You should have an agreeable plan as to when to divide and close any joint accounts at your bank. If you haven’t done so already, open a separate account in the same bank under your own name. If you have taken care of all the household expenses and bill payment schedules, you should discuss how this will be handled through account transfers or deposits.

    If you have concerns about unauthorized access to your private bank accounts, change the account numbers, create new passwords for online access, and notify all automatic deposits and withdrawals (i.e. auto deposit from your employer). This includes thinking ahead about the upcoming tax year and whether it makes sense to file taxes jointly or separately.

    This should be one of the first things you try to figure out together. If one person makes the wrong move, it could damage the other party in the short-run – but the wronging-initiator will likely be hurt in the long-run.

43. Fact: you CANNOT be expected to trust your partner during and after a divorce. Trust issues will abound. Don’t even try to resolve emotional issues between the two of you after your are separated. Work on your issues of trust apart from him, and be aware of your natural propensity to project your trust issues not only on your partner but also on others, including colleagues, friends, children, and lovers.
44. In all likelihood, the amount of emotional, physical, and spiritual energy it takes to end a marriage will leave you feeling like you are operating at about 60-70% of your normal capacity. You may notice memory lapses, tasks taking more time to complete, difficulty sleeping (or oversleeping), and daydreaming. Use these signs to identify moments when you need to hack yourself, slow down, or do some contemplating on how to work through whatever blocks you are encountering.
45. Be responsible. Take inventory of any damage you have caused to the relationship. When you’re ready, do your best to make restitution. A few well-timed words can go a long way, along with practical actions. For example, if you broke his Wii, replace it; if you called his hew girlfriend a slut, send flowers and an apology. Do this even if you aren’t getting this in return from your partner. This is not about him: this is about you doing what it takes to move on and to close the relationship. This may include practicing forgiveness. Imei suggests the movie, “Blue” starring Juliette Binoche, for examples of forgiveness.
46. As corny as it sounds, practice the attitude of gratitude. Be glad that you are still breathing in and out, even if you believe your partner wishes that you would choke on a chicken bone, die, and hand over your life insurance benefits before the divorce papers are signed. When you connect with why you are still breathing in and out, you have a reason to wake up every morning, get out of bed, go to work, and take care of the children.
47. One of the feelings you’ll find it most difficult to overcome is your habit of care taking. You’re dissolving your marriage, whether or not you played a part in that decision. You are primarily responsible for yourself now – not him. This can be very complicated if you have been responsible for caring for a physically or mentally ill partner or his aging parents. You may need to have someone else step in for you, or you may choose to continue some aspects of care-taking that do not directly involve him.

    Learning to feel good about being responsible for and to yourself is a challenge for many women. You are not alone. Get with another single woman you admire, and ask her about the things she does for herself. You may be surprised to hear her tell you that she buys herself flowers, enjoys wearing a business suit to work, or knows how to use a circular saw and drill bits.

48. Make a new budget for yourself. Didn’t have one to begin with? If you were waiting for an invitation, this is it. When you don’t have a handle on your finances, you could find yourself (and your credit rating) in gigantic trouble. While many women choose to close their eyes to debt, it won’t be long before panic attacks and heart palpitations keep you up at night with worry if you don’t take the time to see what’s there.

    You could be wasting money if you don’t know where it’s coming from and where it’s going. Get a handle on it NOW, even if you weren’t responsible for these matters in the past. Your future stability (and your children’s) is at stake as much as his is. A great resource book is David Bach’s “Smart Women Finish Rich”. Put that on your Kindle, and snuggle up with it for a week.

49. Document everything. If you hadn’t saved much information to this point, you’ve certainly got your work cut out for you – but it’s not too late. You have the right to obtain copies of what documentation he might have in his possession. In a legal capacity, this is known as “Disclosure.” This might include bank statements, bills, receipts, etc.

    And don’t wait another moment to start recalling and recording names, dates, times, locations, etc. The more you have (and the more you can remember), the better. Facts are far more relevant than opinions in all divorces. You never know when this information might come in handy.

    Even if you don’t need documentation, keeping it won’t hurt – if only for future reference.

50. If he’s not acting to bring closure to the situation, take the lead to make this divorce final. Use your experience with good-byes and initiate process of saying good-bye and letting go. Imei helped a parting couple visit a few of their favorite places around the city, say good-bye, and cry together as they let go of their broken dreams.

Stay focused, keep your wits about you, and remember that this time in your life will pass. Make the most of it.

You have your whole life ahead of you, woman – start living it.

50 Divorce Tips for Women

This is a guest post written by Matt Gamboa.

If you ask most people the question, “Do you get paid enough?” You’ll most certainly always be answered with a NO. Salary is a top concern and there’s always that certain number that will make you a happy worker. Fortunately, there’s a Seattle Startup to let you know what you should be making after all.

PayScale has a service that determines how well you are being paid compared to others who have a similar job. The service is free in a limited fashion, but your scale is determined based on many factors including work environment, education, your professional experience, company size, etc. This is all information you must provide. Some of it is optional, but the more you provide, the more accurate PayScale will be in determining how well you’re being compensated. In the end, you receive a report and graph that shows where you are in relation to other people who’ve reported. The report is anonymous, so don’t worry about your co-worker giving you dirty looks because he found out you’re making much much more than him.

You can also upgrade to their premium service for $19.95. By doing so, you’ll gain insight to a lot more information that you could leverage to get that raise you know you deserve! With the largest online employee salary database according to PayScale, I’m pretty sure you can confident your scale of pay will be compared accurately.

If you’re a developer, you should check out Deploy 2010 on Monday, November 08, 2010 from 9:00 AM – 5:30 PM (PT). Deploy 2010 is an all-inclusive conference for technology builders to give you new tools to create the applications of tomorrow. The conference will be held at the Bell Harbor Conference Center in Seattle.

How Much Are You Worth?

This is a guest post written by Matt Gamboa.

Are you in to scrapbooking? Do you like to make decorative web cards to celebrate the birth of a baby? Does the thought of making a high school prom collage online to share with your Facebook and Twitter friends excite you? Well, don’t worry about taking out the heavy-duty scissors and craft glue. The online service, Smilebox, was created solely for the purpose of creating fancy photo crafts.

The Redmond-based startup has developed an online platform around the popular homemakers craft of scrapbooking. The website offers hundreds of designs to use to create scrapbooks, collages, greetings cards, or photo albums. The tool itself is not web-based, it’s a native application you must download and install onto your Mac or Windows machine. But the unique service itself is worth trying if this craft is your passion.

Smilebox is still a very small startup, but they are growing a fast pace and recently moved to a new, bigger office this year to accommodate the growth. They are gaining lots of traction even though their product is niche, but the fact that they don’t have too many competitors in their market will help them to expand products and make business quick.

Smilebox will be featured at Deploy 2010 on Monday, November 08, 2010 from 9:00 AM – 5:30 PM (PT). Deploy 2010 is an all-inclusive conference for technology builders to give you new tools to create the applications of tomorrow. The conference will be held at the Bell Harbor Conference Center in Seattle.

Smilebox Makes Scrapbooking Easy

Add to iTunes | Add to YouTube | Add to Google | RSS Feed

This isn’t a joke. If you’re a geek who can handle yourself well on camera, and you don’t need a ton of hand-holding to get things done quickly, we should definitely talk.

I’ve helped boost the standing of a few YouTubers – driving more traffic and attention to their respective channels. If you’re a geek who has good stuff to share – become a part of the Lockergnome universe!

Remember that you have to stand out, and do something differently. You have to be YOU – don’t try to emulate someone else. Look beyond your world. Do what you do best… without giving up yourself.

One of the reasons that I have worked so hard to build up my YouTube channel is to help all of YOU. If you are good at reviewing technology or discussing anything tech or social-media related… let’s talk. You could become a regular featured reviewer like Lamarr.

Additionally, we are looking for more blog writers on Lockergnome. You have to be a good writer with fresh content – remember your PUGS! You don’t have to be a “tech” writer for Lockergnome. Write about whatever it is you know and love.

Want to embed this video on your own site, blog, or forum? Use this code:

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/EA2eaASoGKg"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/EA2eaASoGKg" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object><br /><a href="http://chris.pirillo.com/">Chris</a> | <a href="http://live.pirillo.com/">Live Tech Support</a> | <a href="http://media.pirillo.com/">Video Help</a> | <a href="http://feeds.pirillo.com/ChrisPirilloShow">Add to iTunes</a>

How To Get Famous on YouTube

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of ampm. All opinions are 100% mine.

I eat. Sometimes, I eat a lot. That’s not the problem, really; (a) I usually don’t know when to stop, (b) I hate cooking for myself; (c) I hate cooking for others; and (d) I like meat.

This afternoon, I was craving a corn dog smothered in jalapeños and melted cheese. I was also smacked with a hankering for a hamburger. Too strong was the pull of a hot dog for me to ignore, though. What happened? I picked up all three of ‘em to create a completely new secret menu item – available at any ampm store. I was inspired by entries on their new secret menu tab.

I was able to fill my stomach silly with the noms their convenient ovens provided (photo proof is further down in this post). I didn’t have to pre-heat anything! Win.

I now present to you the recipe for the Double Dog Dare Dandy:

1. Find an ampm store and get thee to one.

2. Walk (with confidence) to the area wherein resides the most tasty of noms. Here, you should find a smattering of cheeseburgers, corn dogs, and bunned wieners galore. Prepare to purchase one of each.

3. Before checking out, slide a can of jerky chew across the counter. This may or may not impresses the attendant, but it makes you look awesome. Do not slide too forcefully, though.

4. If you’re starving, you may complete the following options in the comfort of your own car. It is advised that you wait to assemble the meal at home or at your office, however. Either way, you need to unwrap each item with great care – so as not to let any of the snackmosphere aroma escape olfactory attention.

5. Slide the stick out of the corn dog and place it next to its distant cousin (the hot dog, sleeping soundly within its breadtacular cradle), eschew the hamburger bun and place the patty to flank each frank, then sprinkle a little bit of jerky chew on top.

6. Open mouth, insert Dandy. Be sure to salivate and chew enough times to allow the meat juices to intermingle and unlock an unparalleled taste. This, rest assured, is valued greater than an unperpendiculared taste.

Thanks to ampm for helping me avoid the drudgery of preparing ramen noodles again. Those things are so hard to get right, you know? All the water boiling and powder stirring. I need something simple. I need something convenient.

I think I need another Double Dog Dare Dandy. In fact, think I dare you to do better and post your results to the secret menu tab on the ampm Facebook page.

Geek Eats: the Secret Double Dog Dare Dandy!

For the longest time, we knew where our data existed – it existed on our computers, typically on a hard drive or potentially a floppy disk. So now when we create files, let’s say on a Web service like Google Docs, for example, we may never actually know where that file sits. We know we can get to it from anywhere, of course, but it’s out there. In The Cloud. We don’t know the physical location of that file, but do we need to know, anymore? No, we don’t. That’s for someone else to worry about and track.

Our whole life is eventually going to be stored in The Cloud, no longer tied to a physical machine or hard drive. I’m not even really tracking any of my media, anymore. I have a Rhapsody account for my music; I subscribe to Netflix and Hulu. I’m not really buying any physical media, anymore. I’m not storing them on my local network. This data exists in The Cloud on these Web services that I pay to access. I know that, somewhere, the file is sitting on a hard drive waiting for me to point and click my way to it, but the responsibility of holding on to it is no longer mine.

Think of a public library – you can check out books, read them, and then put them back on its shelves without cluttering up your own at home. The archives are there for your benefit without requiring you to be their ever-vigilant custodian. The Cloud doesn’t charge you overdue fees, either, so don’t go saying the 21st century’s never done you any favors!

Storing your life remotely has its benefits, but as with any service that offers to simplify your day-to-day doings, be sure to research these places in The Cloud and make sure they’re reliable. Let your vision look toward The Cloud, but keep your head on Earth when you’re making the decision about what chunks of your life to stow away there.

Et Tu, Cloud? Caveat Clickor!

co-authored by Imei Hsu (RN, MAC, LMHC)

Okay, so someone doesn’t want to be with you anymore – or you don’t want to be with her. There are 6.7 billion other people on this planet for you to get to know. When it comes to finding a loving, compatible relationship, it really isn’t over until… well, it’s never really over.

The idea for this collection of suggestions actually came about after I recognized that people were searching Google for more information on my own divorce(s). Not to mention, I’ve had close guy friends who have gone through divorces ask me how I have coped. Well…

It’s okay to ask for help. I’ve co-authored this set of tips with Imei Hsu (RN, MAC, LMHC). The list is far from complete, but it’s based on our collective experience – me as a divorcé, and she as a relationship counselor. She’s not MY therapist, of course – but if you’d like help with your own relationship issues, she takes clients from all around the country in a virtual capacity via Seattle Counseling. She’s even available to help you via email or Skype.

How can a guy survive divorce? It’s not easy. Take heart in knowing you’re not alone, but don’t expect to rush out to the book store and find a shelf full of help for you. Most “support” documentation has been written with females in mind. After all, doesn’t modern society encourage the myth that it’s wrong for a man to ask for help?

Disclaimer:

Marriage is the most sacred of trusts between two people. Therefore, the dissolution of a marriage is no laughing matter, and we take it very seriously.

The following tips are meant to be thoughts to consider while you navigate the muddy waters of divorce. They are not meant to be a replacement for counseling or coaching from a trained professional. We hope that these ideas might help guide you towards resources and strategies to make the best possible decisions for yourself and your family. We (Bernice Imei Hsu and Chris Pirillo / Lockergnome) cannot be held liable for any unanticipated outcomes you might encounter by misapplying these tips to your own relationship.

This article is intended to provide accurate information for men facing a marital separation, but is shared with the understanding that neither the publisher nor the authors are engaged in rendering any financial, investment, legal, tax, or other advice. If you desire specific advice, consult a trusted and competent professional. Any similarities between the anecdotes the authors present and any actual person, living or deceased, is entirely coincidental.

Many of the suggestions we share in this list can be applied to a same-sex partnership and/or civil union. Please read the gender specifications with this in mind. We honor that any love relationship that ends can be difficult and painful.

We’ve also posted divorce tips for women, too.

If anything, just know that you’re not the first guy to go through a divorce – and you certainly will not be the last. We encourage you to find or create gatherings in your city that allow you to safely explore options concerning your divorce and recovery. Check out our page “Divorce Sucks” on Facebook.

1. Make a commitment to take better care of yourself: mind, body, and soul. You are going to need everything you have to close the relationship. When it comes to the body, it’s “garbage in, garbage out.” If your partner has been providing all the meals, it’s time for you to learn simple procedures. Dining out every day is not only expensive, it may not be healthy unless you know something about selecting balanced meals. Consider Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: at the bottom level, you should be meeting your needs for food, shelter, rest, and safety.
   
   Get a haircut. Shower. Shave. Wear cologne. Don’t forget to remove extraneous ear and nose hair. The first thing to go for most men is self-maintenance. Keep your job and keep your friends by not smelling like beer and pizza, or looking like that’s all you eat.
   
   And if you didn’t do any of that before the divorce, there’s no time like the present to begin!

2. Don’t engage in unnecessary emotional banter with your soon-to-be ex-partner (or anybody connected to her in some capacity for that matter). These fights are almost never worth having on the way out the door of the relationship. Be the bigger person in the room: end the fight, attempt to set up a more productive time to discuss any necessary questions or plans, and leave the room, if necessary or possible.
3. Think before you put anything in writing: email, tweet, letter, etc. Whatever you post online could end up there forever. In the heat of the moment, it might seem funny to take revenge and say some tactless words, post funny pictures of your partner, or shame your partner by disclosing sacred stories shared between the two of you. If you must, write it down for PRIVATE purposes, have your laugh, and then discard it. You’ll be glad you didn’t air your passive-aggressive move in the public sector.
4. Don’t use your partner as a therapist for your emotions. Ask friends to listen empathetically (without much feedback) if you need to vent. Pets make great listeners!
   
   Do not use your partner as a dumping ground for your guilt, anger, or remorse. If you have apologies to make for your behavior, let your partner know, and let your partner choose a time to hear this from you. Process your guilt and anger with someone else (but exercise discretion).

5. Call your closest friends and family and ask for their support without taking sides or placing judgment on either you or your partner. Ask them to be there for you when either you or your partner moves out, to talk with your children (if there are any), and watch your pets while on travel or vacations. Most people feel helpless as to how they can be a part of your life when you are in transition or crisis. Make a list of some easy tasks or involvement that lets your closest confidants know how much you need them and want them to be a part of your life – on either side of the divorce.
6. Do your best to get adequate sleep, food, and exercise on a regular basis. Schedule it into your calendar like you would meetings for work. Food and exercise help elevate your mood, as well as give you energy to stay in the game [Music is also an instant mood elevator, as it is pure emotion. Design some playlists of music that makes you feel upbeat and positive - and play it when you wake up in the morning.]
7. Don’t drink and/or drug your way through your issues. You need a clear head and steady emotions to handle the many difficult choices ahead. If you notice you’ve been hitting the bottle often, try other mood-elevating activities, such as exercise, music, rest, and spending time with good friends in an enjoyable activity.
   
   That’s not to say it’s not fun to dull the senses every so often, but if it gets to the point that the ONLY way you can rest is by drinking or drugging yourself there, it’s time to rethink your strategy.

8. If you have difficulty sleeping or eating because of depression or anxiety, seek medical attention from an MD or a therapist. Imei suggests you shouldn’t let this go longer than three weeks; immediately if you have thoughts of harming yourself or others. If you still can’t sleep well past three weeks, it’s time to help your body get back into a rhythm.
   
   The Web is a great resource to find local health practitioners who treat Adjustment Disorder related to stress and transitions such as a divorce. If you have health insurance from your employer, you’re paying for these benefits, anyway (might as well use them).
   
   This kind of problem likely isn’t going to take care of itself.

9. Notify family and hold age-appropriate conversations with your children as soon as you have both made a decision to end the relationship. Have a plan in place, and be open to feedback and negotiation, on how to best care for your children. You’d hate to discover this kind of information about one of your family members from someone who wasn’t a part of the family, wouldn’t you?
10. Seek a therapist or life coach to help process issues related to the ending of a relationship, especially if you feel you are repeating familiar patterns that lead you to feel you are “stuck”. This person should not be connected to you or her in any other capacity. Don’t expect them to pass judgment in your favor, either – that’s potentially the court’s responsibility. A fresh perspective is seldom a poor one.
    
    The dirty little secret in some marriages is the amount of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse originating from the woman rather than the man. Shame usually binds these men to silence, but the plethora of websites addressing spousal abuse, custody rights for men, and resources for emotional abuse tell us that you are not alone.

11. There is a reason why people warn you about the “rebound” relationship. Consider yourself vulnerable, and don’t be too eager to jump into another serious relationship.
    
    Rule of thumb: one month of singleness for every year of marriage. If you have been married for many years, tell yourself to not be in any hurry to find another partner (for any kind of serious relationship – including another marriage). Slow down, take your time, and give an appropriate rest to the relationship you are ending.

12. Set rules for communication with your soon-to-be-ex-partner, including when to end discussions that become heated. Even if you think you’re headed for an amicable split, you should expect the unexpected.
    
    It’s likely that communication issues are what tore the two of you apart – you should expect they’ll worsen while in the process of deciding how to end your partnership.
    
    If need be, call in an arbiter – a neutral party. Family or friends don’t usually count (the exception: cultures that use an older family member to solve domestic disputes).

13. Don’t binge on anything: spending money, sex, drinking, drugs, TV, entertainment, sleep. Most of these will simply serve to dissociate you from what you need to attend to. If an activity is overtaking your responsibilities, you’re probably bingeing.
    
    Not only is this behavior typically self-destructive, you probably don’t want to give any more fuel to the other side’s fire.

14. If you ever thought that mediation and yoga might be useful, this would be a good time to investigate. More than 18.3 million people in the U.S. say they practice yoga on a regular basis. It’s likely being offered in your gym or an area studio. If you think it’s for women, think again: most of the most prominent teachers of yoga are men. Yoga clears the way for mediation to occur. You’ll like the way you feel and think after a few sessions of asana (physical component of Yoga).
    
    Set up private sessions if you’re feeling self-conscious about it.

15. Make a list of the things you enjoy doing, and try to work in one of two of those activities a week, such as shooting hoops with friends or working on a hobby or project. Enjoyable tasks will help to ground you in the understanding that there is life after divorce. It might actually be fun! If you don’t have a hobby, make a list of things you’ve always wanted to try: sailing, scuba diving, painting, wine tasting, cooking, partner dancing, playing a musical instrument. Look in your local community college catalog, comb online class offerings, and sign up for lessons in whatever your interest is.
16. The person you are divorcing is not the same person you married. If you’re shocked at the anger, bitterness, ambivalence, or venom you are receiving from your partner, remind yourself that divorce is difficult for both people, no matter the circumstances. If her reaction seems like “more of the same” (i.e. it has been this way with you from the get-go), don’t spend a lot of time using logic or reason to “fix” the reactions you are receiving. Count yourself fortunate you are ending this relationship, as it isn’t good for either of you to continue hating each other and fighting.
    
    You may never receive answers to your questions about this relationship. The more you keep looking for “why,” the more frustrated you will likely become.

17. Read books on divorce that are balanced and fair. There is a way to divorce without becoming bitter or tainted. Make notes of the things you need to do. If you prefer workshops, look on the web for a “Divorce Bootcamp”, but be prepared for much of these to be overrun by women.
    
    If you’re looking for materials to help you place blame on her and the things she did, or to help you justify your decisions, you’re not doing yourself any favors.

18. Be respectful of your personal needs for space and “quiet,” and be respectful of your partner’s needs as well. If you are doing a partial separation under the same roof, get reacquainted with your MP3 player and Bose noise-canceling headphones – and be aware that using your PS3 at 2am at full blast is likely going to agitate your mind (and hers). Sit down with your partner and calmly discuss household rules to make this awkward period of time a little easier on the both of you.
    
    And yes, believe it or not, this scenario (especially in a down economy) is quite common. It can save money, but shouldn’t be done at the cost of your mutual sanity. A mediator or counselor can be very helpful in creating boundaries and rules of a separation under the same roof.

19. If you use the Internet to communicate, refrain from using emotional language. Keep it to business and simple questions. If the emails are lengthy, remind your partner of the purpose of the communications, and stick to those reasons yourself. If you feel you are being repeatedly harassed by the content of the emails, scan them briefly and save them for a rainy day with your attorney.
    
    It’s possible that anything you do can be used against you – in or out of context. If you are unsure if you should send a particular email, have a trusted friend read it and make suggestions. Rule of thumb: never send an email when you are angry or exhausted.

20. If you have an attorney involved in coming up with an amicable agreement or a hostile takeover, don’t use your attorney as a therapist. You’ll only waste time and money, and your attorney will likely send you to a therapist. You want your attorney in your corner, so watch it if you tend to vent your frustrations with a raised voice, expletives, or passive-aggressive threats.
21. If the lines of communication are still open (relatively speaking), and neither one of you is pleading “no contest,” consider looking into the option for what they call a “Collaborative Divorce.” It’s far less vicious than the traditional divorce through legal means. Be warned that a collaborative lawyer is not the same process.
    
    This option, of course, is assuming it’s not too late to opt for a friendlier split.

22. Respect your needs for a safe and private living space, including temporary accommodations. If you’re the one to move out, do your best not to live like the stereotypical bachelor. That’s usually pretty darn depressing! If you have your children over to your place, it might alienate them from you. If you are the one who remains in the house, have your partner store or remove her things in a timely manner. Have a friend take a look at your space and make suggestions on what you need to make your space more comfortable and inviting. A man’s home is is castle.
    
    Related to your space, people ask Imei what to do with sentimental items, such as pictures and personalized objects (i.e. charging glasses, etched glass frames, etc). The time of the divorce is not the only time you will grieve this relationship’s end, just like a funeral is not the only time you grieve the loss of a loved one. Suggestion: gather a few boxes and fill them with the sentimental items. Seal them with tape and store them in an attic or a closet that you do not access on a regular basis. One year from the time of your divorce settlement, grab a friend, open the box, and sort through the items. You’ll know if it’s time to either keep them, donate them, recycle, or (in the case of one person I knew) smash the charging glasses with a baseball bat.
    
    One recycling tip: remove large pictures of your wedding from its frame, discard the picture, and reuse the frame at a local frame shop with new art. Better yet, learn how to re-frame art yourself and save money.

23. Make sure to schedule time with your children and your pets. The energy it takes to care for yourself will often displace what you have to give to others.
    
    Do your best to communicate how much you care, and how you will make sure that they have access to you as much if not more as before the divorce. If your children are 14 or older, they have some stake in custody issues. Listen to their needs, recognize that they may need someone to vent anger and fear with (including anger AT you), and reserve your own hurt for a session with your therapist, good friend, or family member.
    
    Animals are sensitive to your presence and absence, and need more care than just food, water, and exercise. Put your pets on a schedule as well for health care, grooming, activity, and interaction.

24. Let people give to you [unless the giver is a slithery golddigger - in which case, drop kick her to the curb]. If your sister wants to come over and make a bunch of fresh food to put into your freezer, let her. If your best man-buddy offers to come help you move furniture, say please and thank you.
    
    Thinking you can make it through this experience alone is naïve – I don’t care how strong you THINK you are.

25. This would NOT be a good time to post pictures of yourself with younger and happier-looking bimbos (even IF you paid good money for them at that strip club). As much as that might be ego-boosting to you, it will not get you what you want out of your divorce. In fact, it could score you less leverage in the long-run.
    
    She’s going to think whatever she wants to think – no matter what you do or do NOT do. Don’t give her any more ammunition, okay? Don’t stop living life, but don’t flaunt your indiscretions, either.

26. Though the Klingon’s are right, “Revenge is a dish best served cold” – you don’t really want to take revenge on your partner (even if you feel like you do). The elation that MIGHT come from retaliation to any perceived (or actual) wrong-doings is only short-term – and is not itself a solution.
    
    If you really want to survive this divorce, don’t destroy yourself (or anybody else) in this process. We believe it is entirely possible to come out a better person on the other side of divorce. Hopefully, you’ll both be better people.

27. Leave her friends and family out of your fights – and ask her to leave yours out of hers. If necessary, use a mediator or a therapist to help the two of you process the ending of the marriage. A mediator can call a “time out” when things get heated, and name when either of you are investigating unhelpful directions.
    
    This will probably be the most difficult suggestion to follow.

28. Make plans to say good-bye to your partner’s family of origin. Just because you are divorcing your partner doesn’t mean that family members don’t want to say good-bye. They may not be happy, but saying good-bye is part of doing closure on this chapter of your life.
    
    If and when this happens, don’t share ANYTHING other than pleasantries and a heart-felt good-bye without sarcasm or complaint.

29. If you aren’t planning on celibacy during your divorce process, be responsible. Take any tests necessary if you have any question about exposing yourself to an STD during your marriage (or if you’ve moved on with other sexual partners). Don’t be stupid: you don’t need to take anyone’s word for it. Get tested before further activity, and always use protection.
30. You can still impregnate your partner with a “last fuck” (a.k.a. “for good time’s sake” sex). If you decide to have sex with your partner during the divorce, you should also decide what kind of birth control to use.
    
    “Last fuck” sex is almost always a bad idea. It tends to confuse the issues and pour more hurt on any open wounds. That doesn’t mean there won’t be moments that you catch a glimpse of your partner, and recall the special moments of intimacy and ecstasy you share. However, you won’t be able to resolve any relational issues with sex. If your partner is resistant to the separation and tries to put the moves on you, you may find yourself in the strange and undiscovered country of saying no to sex. You’re not crazy. Just say “no”.

31. Although the process can be a time of learning for both partners, it usually isn’t a great time to do any kind of risky experimentation, such as a risky business venture, sexual experimentation past your own limits, or huge changes in jobs or lifestyle arrangements. Although potentially exciting, they tend to sap energy away from constructive change [plus your friends who act like they envy you will likely be laughing at you and thinking you need to grow up]. For example, wearing silver spandex publicly is almost never a good idea.
    
    Almost.

32. If you are middle-aged (or older) and your marriage has lasted longer than 15 years, it’s likely time for a relationship “tune up”. Even if you blame your partner for the divorce, you are NOT God’s gift to women. You might want to brush up on everything – from cooking to communication. It’s a whole new world out there!
33. Look outside of your own frame of reference for clues as to what “fair and equitable” means. By knowing how these terms translate into dollars, cents, objects, and your partner’s well-being, you will neither be “taken for a ride” nor be unfair to your partner and children. Every state / country is equipped with different laws. It is your responsibility to know your rights.
34. Things are just things. Items can usually be replaced. If you find yourself getting angry about what possessions you are about to lose or give away, remind yourself: “these are just things”. You get to keep your soul. No one can take that away from you.
35. Take a break from talking about the ills of the relationship and the divorce process every once and awhile. Watch a movie, play catch with the kids, walk your dog. When most of your thoughts are negative, so will your life experience be.
36. If your self-esteem has taken a blow (i.e. you’re the one being dumped), do your best to figure out what went wrong, and put yourself on a self-improvement plan. This isn’t for her, it’s for you! Get back in touch with what makes you appreciate your true self. If you simply blow your partner off as the one who needs to change, you will lose your learning opportunity to better yourself.
    
    The Universe does give second chances, but if you didn’t learn your lesson, it tends to say “Meh” and bestows gifts on someone else. Or worse: dooms you to the same fate. We call it Karma.

37. Watch a lot of comedy. Laughter really is the best medicine. Expand your repertoire. See the lightness of humor in everything, including your own self-righteousness. If you can’t find a reason to laugh, you’re taking yourself too seriously. The situation sucks, but if you let it get the best of you – that’s precisely what it’ll take from you.
38. Be prepared to lose friends. In Burt Bacharach’s “Darkest Place”, Elvis Costello croons: “Meanwhile, all our friends must choose who they will favor, who they will lose.” Many people are unable to be friends to both partners; a few might be able to demonstrate the kind of maturity it takes to “hold” while the two of you are at odds with each other. You might also receive some unkind remarks, even if you haven’t done anything overtly wrong.
    
    People have their own projections and fears about divorce, and they may treat you like your divorce is contagious. Others will take potshots at you (or her) in efforts to feel more superior. Don’t give their remarks too much power over you.
    
    At the end of the day, you’re in the divorce with her – and nobody else. Do your best to ignore unwarranted, unprofessional, and uneducated judgments.

39. If you don’t actually know this, it is customary to return the ring to the partner who purchased it. If you purchased her ring, she should return it to you, although you have the option to allow her to keep it. If it was an heirloom from her family, she will keep her ring. If she purchased your ring, you should offer it to her.
    
    When it comes time to figure out what to do with the ring(s), consider consigning them and offering the money received in a gift towards the children, the house, or some other tangible form of care.
    
    If you purchased the ring for her and she does not return it… well, that’s rather telling, isn’t it? Remember the previous rule: things are just things.

40. If this is the first time you have experienced either a marital dissolution or a long-term relationship termination, you should consider various options, timelines, and fiscally-responsible ways to divide your assets according to your state’s or country’s laws. Beyond legalities, however, there are also other considerations: when to remove your partner from a family calling plan for mobile devices, how to deliver adequate health care coverage and for how long, etc. Note that some businesses do not allow you to turn over an account to your former spouse, so who ever is named on it may retain the account value.
41. Your wife has the choice to retain your last name or revert to her maiden name throughout the divorce process. Your children’s teachers and adult mentors should be notified if there is a change of names for your spouse and/or your children’s names.
42. You should have an agreeable plan as to when to divide and close any joint accounts at your bank. If you have concerns about unauthorized access to your private bank accounts, change the account numbers, create new passwords for online access, and notify all automatic deposits and withdrawals (i.e. auto deposit from your employer). This includes thinking ahead about the upcoming tax year and whether it makes sense to file taxes jointly or separately.
    
    This should be one of the first things you try to figure out together. If one person makes the wrong move, it could damage the other party in the short-run – but the wronging-initiator will likely be hurt in the long-run.

43. Fact: you CANNOT be expected to trust your partner during and after a divorce. Trust issues will abound. Don’t even try to resolve emotional issues between the two of you after you are separated. Work on your issues of trust apart from her, and be aware of your natural propensity to project your trust issues not only on your partner but also on others, including colleagues, friends, children, and lovers.
44. In all likelihood, the amount of emotional, physical, and spiritual energy it takes to end a marriage will leave you feeling like you are operating at about 60-70% of your normal capacity. You may notice memory lapses, tasks taking more time to complete, difficulty sleeping (or oversleeping), and daydreaming. Use these signs to identify moments when you need to hack yourself, slow down, or do some contemplating on how to work through whatever blocks you are encountering.
45. Be responsible. Take inventory of any damage you have caused to the relationship. When you’re ready, do your best to make restitution. A few well-timed words can go a long way, along with practical restitution. For example, if you broke her favorite vase, replace it; if you called her mother a bitch, send flowers and an apology Do this even if you aren’t getting this in return from your partner. This is not about her: this is about you doing what it takes to move on and to close the relationship. This may include practicing forgiveness.
46. As corny as it sounds, practice the attitude of gratitude. Be glad that you are still breathing in and out, even if you believe your partner wishes that you would choke on a chicken bone, die, and hand over your life insurance benefits before the divorce papers are signed. When you connect with why you are still breathing in and out, you have a reason to wake up every morning, get out of bed, go to work, and pay your bills.
47. One of the feelings you’ll find it most difficult to overcome is your instinct to protect her. You’re dissolving your marriage, whether or not you played a part in that decision. You are primarily responsible for yourself now – not her.
    
    To repeat: YOU ARE NO LONGER RESPONSIBLE FOR PROTECTING HER.
    
    And yes, to deny that you (as a male) may have this feeling is to deny your very basic maleness (if you’re mentally healthy). Your relationship is coming to an end, and the sooner you wake up to this, the better off you’re going to be. You can still be nice to her without protecting her – or coming up with excuses as to why she’s doing what she’s doing. If there is some question as to her ability to care for herself or your children, alert a responsible family member and allow that person to step in.

48. Make a new budget for yourself. Didn’t have one to begin with? If you were waiting for an invitation, this is it. When you don’t have a handle on your finances, you could find yourself (and your credit rating) in gigantic trouble.
    
    You could be wasting money if you don’t know where it’s coming from and where it’s going. Get a handle on it NOW, even if you weren’t responsible for these matters in the past. Your future stability is at stake as much as hers is.

49. If she’s not acting to bring closure to the situation, take the lead to make this divorce final. Additionally,lingering issues will not do you any favors if you begin a relationship before the divorce is finalized. Heal old wounds before putting on new clothes.
50. Document everything. If you hadn’t saved much information to this point, you’ve certainly got your work cut out for you – but it’s not too late. You have the right to obtain copies of what documentation she might have in her possession. In a legal capacity, this is known as “Disclosure.” This might include bank statements, bills, receipts, etc.
    
    And don’t wait another moment to start recalling and recording names, dates, times, locations, etc. The more you have (and the more you can remember), the better. Facts are far more relevant than opinions in all divorces. You never know when this information might come in handy.
    
    Even if you don’t need documentation, keeping it won’t hurt – if only for future reference.

Stay focused, keep your wits about you, and remember that this time in your life will pass. Make the most of it.

You have your whole life ahead of you, man – start living it.

If you have other tips to add to this publication, please leave a comment.

50 Divorce Tips for Men

Independent studies claim that the the Rotary beats both iPhones and Android devices in a series of real-world tests. How?

1. The dialing mechanism has force feedback. None of this namby-pamby, touchscreen crap. Haptics are for the lazy.
2. Forces you to remember actual phone numbers. That’s for when you’re trying to call your “best friend” (whose number you can’t remember) from another phone after your battery has died. And speaking of…
3. No batteries required. Forget recharging – this is an all-day (and all-night) sucker.
4. You can’t take it with you. Tired of people getting ahold of you anytime, anywhere? Screw that.
5. Burns more calories. Ever mis-dial the 6th number, needing to hang up and try the whole darn thing again? Yeah, well that’s physical activity – and that burns calories.
6. No case required. This thing is built from bakelite – one of the toughest plastics known to man. You drop the headpiece, there’s no worries about it shattering into a zillion pieces.
7. No dropped calls. In order to make a connection to the mothership, you need to plug ‘er into the wall. You could run around the room all day long and never have to worry about interference.
8. No accidental butt-dials. If you actually connect with a person after sitting on this phone, it would be the first time in history that such a thing has happened.
9. Hasn’t changed in decades. Are you tired of having to re-learn a task every six months when an upgrade becomes available? Never fear! This device will never change. Ever.
10. Curbs a drug dealer’s ability to buy and sell. I shit you not.

Stupidphone? Maybe it’s not so stupid after all.

Stupidphone vs Smartphone

What’s up with that J, yo?

I’m going to assume you’re using Microsoft Outlook 2010 at this point – or you know someone who uses it. But even if you’re not in either camp, you should pay attention.

The following fix applies to every single Microsoft Office program that uses its universal AutoCorrect feature. I’ve tried to address this problem with the Office team directly, but have been routinely ignored. I’m not slagging Outlook, either; I used and loved Outlook 98 / 2000 for the greater part of a decade (because 2003 and 2007 were inferior for non-Exchange users in many ways, but that’s not what I’m writing about today).

Essentially, you’re going to fix a bug that Microsoft has kept open for several years. Well, it’s not a true bug – so long as you NEVER email someone who isn’t running Windows, and so long as you DO NOT use HTML email. Not likely. It bugs just about everybody who doesn’t live in Outlook.

For some inexplicable reason, somebody at Microsoft thought it wise to autocorrect “:)” as a truer smiley when composing rich text documents and/or HTML email – rendering it in a specific font face (WingDings). This is why people think you’re crazy for injecting a random “J” in emails – they don’t have the same font(s) installed on their machine! And even if you have WingDings installed, you may only still see a J where a smile should clearly be.

So, there’s a simple fix that’ll make your emails 100% more intelligible (as far as smiles are concerned). Delete the autocompletes.

1. Open Microsoft Outlook (if it’s not already open).
2. Fire up the Options panel (found under the File ribbon).
3. Click open the Mail tab. You should see a “Spelling and Autocorrect…” button. The “Editor Options” panel will launch.
4. From there, click the “AutoCorrect Options…” button. The “AutoCorrect: English (U.S.)” properties pane is what you should see next.
5. Under the default “AutoCorrect” tab, look to the “Replace text as you type” section.
6. Click the “Delete” button.
7. Repeat these steps for the other smiley autoreplacements.

Enough with the J stuff, already. ;)

I want to call your attention to another Office QA oversight. They mis-capitalized “AutoCorrect” (leaving the “C” in lowercase within this particular pane). That wasn’t my typo.

Yes, I notice the small stuff – and then I do my best to fix these problems for the entire galaxy. You could replace the WingDing’ed smiley with a UNICODE smiley, but you may run into other encoding issues at that point. If you want to have more fun with UNICODE characters, check out funicode.com.

J

J Smiley Outlook Email: Problem and Fix!

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Gillette. All opinions are 100% mine with my standard disclosure.

In considering a post on the History of Shaving, and wondering about the cultural insights that led to various developments of the facial blade, I used some fairly-anecdotal (read: fictional) sources to come up with the razor’s ancient history. This was done to keep post flow from feeling too dry… because, as we all know, dry shaves are insufferable.

100,046 BC

Neanderthal supermodel HgKf GfRRRg popularizes the smooth, lice-free look when she plucks every last hair from her chinny-chin-chin with two seashells fashioned into tweezing implements. However, when she succumbs to a moment of hubris and tries to indicate to her tribe that the sudden loss of whiskers is due to the divine blessing of the Great Mammoth Mother Goddess, she is mocked and exiled into the Land-Beyond-the-Mountains-Where-the-Sun-Takes-a-Power-Nap. This is where we get the expression “bald-faced liar.” 

Between 30,000 BC – 1700 AD

Clam shell, shark tooth, flint, obsidian, gold, copper, bronze, iron, and steel razors are developed with varying degrees of sophistication from Scandinavia to Greece to Rome to Mesopotamia to Egypt to Byzantium to Central America and beyond. The basic idea is simple: sharp, straight blades scrape hair — unwanted for whatever cultural reasons dictated by aesthetics of the time — from whatever part of the body it is deemed unfashionable. Usually, preening monarchs set the trend of beard popularity based upon how hideous or handsome their naked faces are found to be. 

It is said that Alexander the Great sported his clean-shaven look to avoid fatal beard-grabbing in combat, but the truth is actually much stranger than fiction in this case. An oracle counseled the conqueror against letting his stubble flow freely because his rivals, the Persians, were assembling the world’s first chia face as a way of mocking the vain leader and turning his countenance into a gag gift for the next few generations. Alex made sure to never go into public with even a five o’clock (or so — sundials aren’t an exact science) shadow, and took over Persia just to teach the people there a lesson.

1770 AD

The millennia-old design of the straight razor reached its turning point when French barber Jean-Jacques Perret proposed the idea of a safety razor — a straight razor designed to be less bloodletting than its predecessors by featuring a wooden, L-shaped guard along the blade — in his treatise “La Pogonotomie” (The Art of Learning to Shave Oneself). Up until now, it was accepted that shaving could be a potentially deadly habit if not left to the care of steady-handed experts. Perret envisioned a world where the masses could become masters of their own facial grooming and serious barbers like himself could focus on more important issues (like sideburn sculpting and pompadour shaping). Not long after, a fellow Frenchman by the name of Dr. Joseph-Ignace Guillotin would have other ideas about the use of a blade on the masses…

Nevertheless, the notion of a safer razor ignited the imagination of several inventive minds over the next couple of centuries.

1847 AD

English inventor William Samuel Henson finds the time between trying to fly in a steam-powered aeroplane, hypothesizing on the origins of the solar system, and making doilies for high-society teacup collectors to create the first T-shaped “hoe type” razor. (“If the aeroplane doesn’t work out,” he remarks to an assistant, “at least I can keep my blimp hand strong.”) Its blade runs perpendicular to its handle in a design that most modern shavers can appreciate, and this sets the stage for the further evolution of the safety razor.

1880 AD

American brothers Frederick, Richard, and Otto F. Kampfe file a patent for a cheap, compact safety razor that features a removable handle and a hollow “lather-catcher” meant to keep genteel hands free of whisker debris. Soon after, three other American brothers, Moe, Larry, and Curly, keep their facial hair at bay by various pranks and hijinx that should never be tried at home. They shun safety at every opportunity, and would probably invent a more dangerous razor if they had the smarts and weren’t such knuckleheads and wiseguys. These Three Stooges are the anti-Kampfes.

1904 AD 

The American (Gillette) acquires a patent for the first disposable safety razor. This type of blade was popularized when issued to hundreds of thousands of American G.I.s during World War I, thusly spreading its use to Europe by demonstration of practicality on the move. Trenches from Ypres to Gallipoli are cluttered ankle-deep with millions of discarded razor blades, which sell for big money as scrap metal in the post-war marketplace. 

1910 AD

It would have been pretty cool if Willis G. Shockey, with the word “shock” right there in his name, could have been the one to invent the electric razor, right? Alas, he only succeeds in creating a wind-up safety razor, which is at least a step in the right direction. A flywheel, wound by hand, drives this razor’s automation — making it about as high-tech as a jack-in-the-box cranked up to the maddening din of “Pop Goes the Weasel.” Shockey’s brother, when presented with the idea and delusions of how rich this jittery little gadget is going to make the family, can only shake his head and exclaim, “Where there’s a Willis, there’s a way!”

1910-1930 AD

There was an Iowa native (not me, and not a relative of mine) – a tough ol’ buzzard who once hacked apart a moose for food when injured and stranded in the Alaskan wilderness during a gold prospecting expedition in 1910. Strangely enough, his thoughts dwelt less on side dishes for the moose or mending enough to get out of the Alaskan wilderness than they did on finding an easier way to shave. (Hey, I’d probably have welcomed a beard for the extra warmth in this situation, but clearly Iowans were cut from a different cloth back in the day.) 

His idea for a dry shaver that would be powered by an electrical motor began to formulate around this time, but the plans he drew up featured a giant, unwieldy hunk of bits and pieces that no manufacturer approached with a proposal found marketable enough.

The idea would have to be put on hold, however. When World War I erupted, this guy joined the army and found himself living through plenty of death-defying ordeals; they continued to fuel his oddball obsession with shaving during inappropriate times of crisis. By the time peace broke out and he left the army in 1919, he was ready to resume his dry electric shaver dream. He drummed up capital toward this pursuit by applying weapon technology he’d experienced during the war to create the magazine repeating razor; this allowed people to easily load disposable blades into their razors without the risk of cutting themselves. 

Enjoying commercial success with this innovation, it was only a matter of time before the long-imagined dry electric shaver became reality. It hit the market in 1929 and continues to evolve to this day.

2010+ AD

What’s next? Quantum shavers? Laser razors? The possibilities are only limited by the human capacity to expand on our species’ collective imagination. Why, if I had a laser razor right now… I could combine my long-overdue LASIK surgery with grooming needs all in one fell swoop. Whatever the case, innovation contoured to consumer insights will forever be key. 

A man must always put his best face forward… and before you tell me it’s supposed to be his “best foot,” which body part would you notice on him first? First impressions can last a lifetime; spending a little more time and money on a “perfect” shave could spell all the difference.

Sources:

• http://www.quikshave.com/timeline.htm
• http://www.articledirectorybase.com/hair-removal-how-the-neanderthal-man-protected-himself-from-ticks-and-mites/
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaving
• http://www.falconmotorcycles.com/blog/falcon-blog.html?author=One+Thousand+Beards
• http://inventors.about.com/library/inventors/blrazor.htm
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Samuel_Henson
• http://everything2.com/title/The+History+of+Shaving
• http://nosco.blogspot.com/2007/04/history-of-shaving.html
• http://www.razor-gator.com/Science/history.htm
• http://home.comcast.net/~steelbeard1/hoe1.htm
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Straight_razor
• http://shaveworld.org/shaveworld_web/kampfe1.pdf
• http://www.razorandbrush.com/perkam.html

History of Shaving

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Gillette. All opinions are 100% mine with my disclosure.

Thinking about the influence of technology on our changing world blows my mind daily. After typing these words on a wireless keyboard, I tapped the publish button in my personal content management system and within seconds, the world had a chance to get a piece of my (blown) mind. This was possible to do when I was in college, but it wasn’t practical or probable. The world didn’t have the Web back then, and – as our grandparents with Milton Berle – few of us can now imagine a world without it.

Like Justin Bieber, technology is becoming increasingly pervasive. Nobody can escape its power. You’re already soaking in it!

As I tap-type this, tech is taking over every area of our lives. It doesn’t matter that we’re not thinking about technology in form and function, as it’s already doing the “thinking” for us.

Transportation: Gas Pumps – Like most Americans, I put my pedal to the metal as a proto-gnome at the tender age of 16. This was back in the ’80s, when you could buy a gallon of gas for about a buck – less than the price of a Juice Newton cassette single. I’d pull up to the pump, guess how much I’d need to fill the tank, walk inside to fork over a portion of my allowance to the wild-haired, grease-besmirched mechanic/cashier behind the counter, return to my car, realize the tank is on the wrong side, shake my head and curse, turn the damned thing around, then finally fill my vehicle with its daily dose of Texas tea. These days, if I pull up to a pump that doesn’t accept a credit/charge/ATM card, I drive away and find a more “convenient” station. It’s the 21st century – why should I conduct business like some Neolithic moss farmer?

Sports: Virtual Lines – I never made it past the line of scrimmage when I played football in junior high. I barely knew what that was (I erroneously figured it had something to do with sailors carving whale bones); it didn’t make much sense to me. I couldn’t see anything, and it moved around more erratically than the borders of Eastern Europe. Now, when I tune in to a big game (say, the Super Bowl), that same line of scrimmage is clearly visible to the viewer. We don’t have to divert our attention to the sideline flags to figure out where players need to be. Of course, my interest in sports is just as weak as my scrawny, scraped-up legs were in the 7th grade, but… at least I can follow the plays with a greater degree of ease thanks to virtual lines.

Cooking: The Perfect Cup of Coffee – Some of you are content with bean-flavored dishwater, however, I’m a self-proclaimed coffee snob. If it doesn’t make my toes curl with ecstatic delight, I’ll go without. I’ve taken to using a digital thermometer at home to ensure that the water temperature is spot-on before I apply it to the grounds. Yeah, didn’t you know there’s an optimal temperature for brewing? If you hit the boiling point, you’ve gone too far. Instead of stumbling through guesswork, my process is precise – and my coffee, they say, is always perfect. Strong, just like my personality.

Health: Shaving - I still remember the first time I tried to shave. Oh, I definitely completed the task – but the first razor blade nicked and scraped my face until it looked like the hull of the Millennium Falcon; I switched to a new razor halfway through the ordeal. And cologne, as it turns out, was not a liquid equivalent to aftershave lotion. It was a far cry from the perfect shave. Over the years, I’ve recognized that not every razor blade was created equal – and that the less I paid for an instrument, the more I wanted to stop shaving altogether. When it comes to my health, I’ve spared virtually no expense. Does a different blade typically spell all the difference? A-B-S-O-L-U-T-E-L-Y. There are “faceless” shaving geeks figuring out how to refine the process for mankind. Womankind, too – so long as they don’t borrow my razor to shave their legs (or eat crackers in bed).

Lifestyle: Remote Controls – My brothers and I were remote controls. Dad would tell us which station to flip the dial to, we’d stand up, walk to the television set, turn a knob, and he’d tell us when to stop. Some years later, my grandparents got something called “cable” – and they had this mechanical device tethered to their TV that would allow them to flip between channels without leaving the couch. Genius! Anymore, you’ll find wireless remote controls accompany any gadget – all the way down to “light switches” for lamps. How many of your appliances have been rendered useless due to their remote controls being lost? And the “universal” remote control? Yeah, it really doesn’t exist… until you have your own kids to command.

Education: Note taking – I’m not really a packrat, but I am nostalgic. There are countless folders and notebooks sitting in storage at the moment. I have no idea what I’ll do with ‘em eventually – maybe digitize them for posterity? It would have been easier to manage had “digital” pens and notebooks been around when I was still a student. Some record and sync audio with the text you’re scribbling, while other tools act as virtual scanners to better facilitate the electronic processing of manual labor. I didn’t even have a tape recorder at my disposal when I would have needed it most. Nowadays, a single set of instruments enhances any note taking process – especially online, with the more collaborative services. Physical-limited media? How 2002 of you.

Communication: Text Messages – When you needed to get a hold of me in high school, you picked up your rotary dial phone and circled a sequence of numbers. With any luck, nobody else was on the line. With more luck, I was actually around. Strange to see that some people still use outmoded forms of communication – pushing spoken messages into voicemail, where they’ll be routinely ignored. Got something to say to a friend or relative? Eliminate the gaps and text it to them. Question? Answer.

Bottom line? life can be made to feel less “short” if we keep cumbersome routines shorter. As technology continues to advance, we’ll continue to adapt to the changes… or face being labeled Luddites.

What “everyday tech” did I miss?

Everyday Tech

Via reader Dean Bailey, largely unedited:

I’ve recently started a blog of various categories. One of them is technology and although flattering when I fist noticed that I’d been copied and pasted with nothing more than an “original post” link, I by chance ran into the guy who did on a tech forum and broke my rule of getting angry online after reading the guy’s justification of doing so when his entire site is in fact the works of other people with “orignal post” links.

While I ended up being really annoyed over something futile, I managed to walk away from it quickly but it has left me wondering just where the line is in this sort of thing. It seems to be straightforward logic that if I cover something that I’ve learned on my own by putting together knowledge gained from various sources over time and write it out in my own words in a structured manner that took effort and care, that if someone wants to use what I’ve published, they should either get my permission, use it to make a commentary, make further contribution to the material, or have an opinion. The only thing that really would be applicable in this case would have been further contribution as it was just an instructional tutorial.

My best guess, because I assume that the same laws apply to the internet as any other published media, is that you can’t simply copy and paste the work of other people and then put at the bottom “original post” unless you have a reason for doing so that is beyond the scope of the original author.

It will be of detriment to my number of page hits when this happens, and the post in question is landing people at my site. My additional and more pressing concern regarding this though, is that I also write occasional short stories and I have some on the site. These I would like to share when I write them, for now, but at the same time I’d like to be able to republish them at some future point if I get enough content, an audience, publisher, etc etc.

After the exchange I had with the guy who reposted my tech article, I’m left doubting my instincts and wondering how safe my content is, in general, when I publish it online. I realize that people can take a piece of what I do and do what they want – praise it, correct it, add to it, scrutinize it, etc. What I am second guessing though, is if, and how, I need to take steps to protect content online, and if its even acceptable or not for them to in fact copy and paste from my site the way this particular person did.

How have you dealt with this? What would you recommend for anyone publishing content that they want to keep as their own and also have some level of control when it came to it turning up inappropriately on other sites? Additionally, since I’m hosting on an American site, for now, and in the example with the tech post, it was pasted onto a web-host in The Netherlands, just how much legal protection (assuming I have any) goes out the window when the circumstance is International law, and how much of a concern is it?

How much do you want to bet that content from this article is quickly lifted into random pages strewn about the infobahn?

Unfortunately, there’s not much that can be done to minimize the impact of plagiarism online.

You could threaten a violator with legal mumbo jumbo – but at the end of the day, you’ll have lost nothing but time and money that would have been better spent building a name for yourself. You could file a complaint with the Web host of a site, but don’t expect them to get taken offline anytime soon. You could slap some amount of DRM over any kind of digital text, but… assume that it’ll eventually be broken.

Since they don’t care about the trust of their “reader,” they can’t be trusted (themselves).

I’ve gone as far as to modify my RSS feeds to automatically include links back to the original news source (my blog, for example). Even in doing that, however, automatic attribution can be quickly circumvented.

The most prevalent plagiarists lack emotional capacity and moral direction; they obviously don’t care about you or any sort of law which might govern them. They’re bottom-dwellers. They’d eat their own family if it meant they could make a buck or two from it. Seriously. Plagiarism is typically practiced for direct (and indirect) monetary gain. Many spammers could (and should) be viewed as plagiarists.

Nameless, faceless Internet filth – far more insidious than what some consider repugnant.

A thousand people might try to hack away at your mindshare – but when you have the support of your own community, they’ll know who is original and who isn’t. Once someone earns the label of “plagiarist,” their reputation should be shot…

…and so should a plagiarist be when unmasked.

Plagiarism Online