And The Horse You Rode In On
I should have spent most of my afternoon in the hospital. It all started when I went to the grocery store to pick up some low-carb bread (which is really tasty, although it doesn't have much of a shelf life). As I was walking down the soup aisle, a can of tomato soup flew off of the shelf and beaned me in the side of the face. As blood started trickling down my cheek and onto my lips, I was able to read the label on the container (which was rolling around on the floor): “Save money if you buy me today!” Fair enough. I kicked it to the side and continued on my journey. By the time I reached the fruit aisle, the bleeding had stopped. I started to search for some spaghetti squash (another low carb treat) when I found myself sailing backwards onto the cold, hard floor. A stupid cantaloupe had rolled 'neath my boot. It, too, had a sticker on its shell: “Buy me and get another one free!” I didn't ask for the cantaloupe, so I pushed it away and headed to the checkout counter. I'll never shop there again, I swear. Things really started to get interesting on my way home.
I was no less than a twenty feet away from the store when a huge freakin' billboard came crashing into my windshield. I wasn't sure what was going on until I was able to make out the large lettering: “Learn how to drive carefully by taking this course.” Ah, fair enough – it had my best interests in mind. I wish more signs would bother to be as invasive. The damage to my car was minimal, but I was still quite shaken (not stirred in the slightest). Trying to conserve energy, I rolled down the window and let the breeze pass through my vehicle. Someone was grilling out tonight – I could smell the charcoal. Steak started to sound good, so I found myself turning around and heading back to the store. That's when a t-bone flew in through the other window and landed on my lap. I was able to brush it off quickly, but now I have this horrible stain on my pants that I won't be able to get out – even if I send it through the washer a few times. In a blink, I was back in the same place that had abused me just ten minutes before. The store's name? The Internet.
Web marketers and advertisers who think they're actually getting better results with their intrusive tactics are deluding themselves, destroying the vehicles which could potentially bring them an audience, and generally making life not worth living online. I used to be dead-set against any type of advertisement blocker, but I'm having to reconsider that position. I understand supporting yourself with sponsors is sometimes a necessity – that's how Lockergnome keeps rolling along. But the day you see a pop-up or pop-under on our site is the day I quit. GnomeTomes have been keeping our head above water during these tougher times, but we still won't crack and force you to fall victim to one of the most heinous business practices of our time. Unsolicited e-mail is just as bad, and if that doesn't stop soon, then opting in to anybody's Inbox will become the norm – not just for newsletters. What I can't understand is why it's still happening? I shouldn't have to carry a shield with me if I'm just walking down the street. This isn't supposed to be a battle. This isn't supposed to be annoying. I'm working on a dummy invoice which I'm going to mail to every Internet company who refuses to play by MY rules. They'll get charged $100 per incident; all checks are payable to ME. If more people did this, perhaps they'd get the picture?
My point: we wouldn't put up with this kind of treatment anywhere else – why do we allow it to happen online? Is it a chemical imbalance or something? I think I'll put on a stupid shirt and go bowling.
Optimize 3.0 is an excellent tool to have in your arsenal. Use it to clean up your computer, free up space by removing junk files, and to generally speed up your computer. You spend a lot of time using your machine... don't you want it to run at its optimum speed and efficiency?
22 Comments
Anonymous
October 29th, 2002
at 9:24am
You get em babe!!! Dude I so thought you really were hurt in the first paragraph was all ready to bring you some peets and flowers :)
Anonymous
October 29th, 2002
at 9:52am
Well said.
Anonymous
October 29th, 2002
at 10:30am
hahaha…..
Love the closing paragraph
Anonymous
October 29th, 2002
at 10:33am
A dummy invoice is a good idea! I gotta do that myself.
Anonymous
October 29th, 2002
at 1:11pm
I think your idea of invoicing these jerks is absolutely fantastic. I think we should all start a grass-roots campaign of boycotting their products and sending them invoices for wasting our time. Let's make them have to spend their time and their money dealing with us annoying them back! Maybe then they'll finally get the message when it starts affecting their bottom line. My grandfather once told me how you get a mule to get moving. First you hit him upside the head with a baseball bat to get his attention.
Carry on the good fight!
Anonymous
October 29th, 2002
at 4:27pm
Nice one. I actually thought you were hurt too. I thought “Who cursed Chris?” You make a good point. Count me in for the boycott!
Anonymous
October 29th, 2002
at 8:26pm
I had to think about where I heard that line you used at the end of your post. Now I gotta go find my UHF CD…
You do have a point though, how such ads invade our online time, that someone should be held responsible for this. We would all be rich, or we wouldn't have to deal with it anymore… I'm not sure which would be better.
Anonymous
October 29th, 2002
at 8:27pm
$core. Just stinkin $core.
Anonymous
October 29th, 2002
at 10:36pm
Bravo! I knew I loved you for a reason…
Anonymous
October 30th, 2002
at 12:34am
I was so confused. I couldn't figure out how all that could happen to one person. Then the billboard? I started thinking you were dreaming perhaps. Then it all became clear.
My state (Wisconsin) has a “no-call” list for telemarketers. Where do we sign up for the “no-pop-up” list? I have no problem with banners/ads on a site itself, but pop-ups & spam are just plain evil.
Anonymous
October 30th, 2002
at 12:50am
This may be common knowledge, but there is at least one company that files lawsuits against *every* company that spams it's way to their Inbox. Of course few, if any, of the lawsuits ever go to trial. The companies that acknowledge the lawsuit generally settle out of court. The companies that don't acknowledge the lawsuit are still, however, left with a blemish on their record. I s'pose I'm just reiterating Chris' point that 'net users *really* need to be more pro-active about this stuff. DonÂ’t just bend over and take it simply because you assume it to be a part of life on the Internet.
Anonymous
October 30th, 2002
at 2:03am
BEAUTIFUL!!! How would we address those pop-ups and spam… ip addy's or what? Until then I'm with the boycot! Think I'll email my senator – like it'd help.
Anonymous
October 30th, 2002
at 8:30am
not to pick or anything BUT you DID say that the day your site has pop ups is the day you quit.. well, the comment form is a pop up. ;p hehehehe ;D Just given you a hard time. ;) My popup blocker thought this comment box was a pop up so that's what gave me the idea. ;)
Anonymous
October 30th, 2002
at 2:23pm
Not to be cruel to chris, but he got that idea from The Screen Savers last nite, leo said the exact same thing last nite or at least practicly the same. Like i said before im not being cruel
Anonymous
October 30th, 2002
at 3:11pm
I don't normally post comments on my own blog, but you're waaaaaaaaaay off base, Lance. (1) I don't even *WATCH* The Screen Savers, let alone steal content from them. (2) I wrote the piece two days before the episode ever aired. If anybody's “stealing” ideas, it certainly wasn't me – and I wouldn't be so cruel as to accuse Leo of doing it. We think alike, but we're still independent thinkers.
Anonymous
October 30th, 2002
at 3:49pm
And I can vouch for everything Chris says, Lance. I still have the message in my Inbox from him from the other night when he forwarded it to me for my opinion, if you'd like me to forward it to you as proof.
A retraction of your statement would be appreciated.
Anonymous
October 30th, 2002
at 4:33pm
What if AOL offered 1,000 hours of pop-ups for free? Like, duh.
Or better, what about a screen saver that filled your screen with pop-up images so it looks like you are surfing the net when you aren't. That way you won't notice the real ones.
Anonymous
October 30th, 2002
at 7:15pm
Rock on Chris. With respect to the e-mail comments, it's not “You've got mail” it's “You've got spam”
Anonymous
October 31st, 2002
at 8:09am
Happy Halloween Chris.
Anonymous
October 31st, 2002
at 2:36pm
Im so sorry chris, i didnt mean to be mean. Cuz you are very cool. Like i said before Im very sorry i didnt mean it as in you stole content. i know ive said this before but im SO sorry. plz forgive me.
Anonymous
October 31st, 2002
at 6:51pm
Not to be a smartass, but that would be sweet if you would send the messege, although, i totally believe you,Gretchen, cuz Ive never had an email from a TV star or for this case a TV stars wife, but you get the point. sorry chris, you totally misunderstood what i meant. I didnt mean to diss you dude.
Anonymous
November 1st, 2002
at 10:09pm
I agree with everyone. I hate how its getting to the point where I go to one internet site and even before the page is done loading I already have umpteen popup windows. Then when I try closing them, more pop up. They're like friggin rabbits. I like your invoice idea. We should start a movement against spam. BTW, I thought your analogy story was really cool and very very true. It makes me want to go live where people have never heard of spam. Anyways I've ranted long enough. Keep up the good work.