Zero is about out of battery juice. I plugged in his Webcam and pointed it toward the boob tube so that you could see what I've been watching all day. I might move him upstairs before I start his recharge cycle. My shaver is going through the same process, which would explain why I've had to hit snooze on my five o'clock shadow. Is it me, or are those TNN phone call promos a bit creepy? “I like watching Star Trek because I like to pretend that Deanna Troi is my girlfriend.” Ewwwww. I need another shower.

And what's up with all these wonder drug commercials I keep seeing?! Half of them solve problems – but introduce a dozen other problems in the process! Take Givvadamn, for example. It will help curb your appetite, but side effects may include: constipation, halitosis, anal seepage, stomach cramps, uncontrollable drooling, nearsightedness, sexual dysfunction, abnormal hair growth, brittle nails, and insomnia (to name a few). Sign me up!

I started burning a candle up both ends this afternoon – just to see what would happen. So far, nothing spectacular. I can't figure out why Mom told me never to do it. Since I've never received any kind of equine as a present, I can't very well stare into its oral cavity. C'est la vie.