Did you know that, in the wild, Cheetos can grow up to seven times the size of their domesticated kindred? It’s true! But only if they’re pollinated properly, get plenty of water, lots of sunshine, and a fair amount of fossil fuel fumes.
The traditional protocol, should you spot a young Cheetos pouch (or nest, in some of the more controversial taxonomies) cast carelessly on the asphalt of a local parking lot, is to try and reintroduce it to its proper place in the bush from whence it came. It’s never an obvious place; you really have to dig to find the sweet (well, salty) spot.
If you can manage to get the disoriented Cheetos back home in time, they will thrive. It’s well-known by experts around the world that the best thing for Cheetos is to get out and have an adventure from time to time; as long as they can be lovingly restored by a caring passer-by, their prosperity is assured. They are hardy in all kinds of weather, and can survive through long, wet springs, scorching summers, moody autumns, and frosty winters without worry. Even the occasional gust of wind that may serve to dislodge them from familiar territory can’t easily dampen their resourcefulness in adapting to any climate. It’s rumored that Elegant Tibetan Cheetos can roam from the deep valleys of the Himalayas to the very tip of Everest, and their fortitude is legendary.
Of course, you could just throw a wayward Cheetos pouch/nest in the garbage should you happen upon one when you’re out and about, but think of the children!