Diana is a Pop Star

Whether they creep up on your heel as the result of friction from a long walk or emerge on your thumb because you tried to pour alfredo sauce onto some delicious pasta with your non-dominant hand, blisters are no fun. Diana found this out the hard way, as you’ll see in this latest installment of the vlog.

It’s not bad enough that blisters are excruciatingly uncomfortable, either. They mock their victim with the annoying urge to pop them, and it’s often a task that’s easier said than done. They’ll only disperse when they’re darned ready to disperse, and your efforts will be in painful vain if you try and pop them before their time. They’re like miniature and very stubborn squatters on your body that refuse to kowtow to your authority.

Eventually, their insolence gives way to puffed-up taunting that can no longer be ignored. That’s when it’s time to strike with great force! You can smash, poke, prod, lance, bang, knuckle, crack, jolt, thwack, swat, pound, whack, bash, slam, punch, sock, smack, belt, and wallop that sucker for all it’s worth and banish it forever from your life without even a glance toward remorse.

At least until the next time you go on one of those long hikes with shoes that aren’t quite broken in or try and enjoy pasta with a complementary sauce that happens to exist at a temperature elevated to dangerous levels. Leisurely walks and dining in the homestead shouldn’t be hazardous activities, but Diana seems to succeed in making them so, somehow. I just try and stay out of her way when I foresee imminent disaster.

Blisters? Nope. Can’t recommend ’em in good conscience. Not for you, and not for your friends. Maybe not even for your enemies. The worst I’ll wish upon them is paper cuts, but never blisters. I’m not some kind of monster!

Diana is a Pop Star