Top 10 Signs That You're a Social Media Douchebag

Listen. I don’t have a problem with the world of “social media.” I have a problem with the carpetbaggers inside of it. This video better explains the type of person I’m referring to:

And lest you forget, “social media” was once referred to as “new media.” Any guesses as to what the next label will be? Hopefully, it won’t be “douche media.”

So, are you a social media douchebag? Here’s a checklist:

  1. You haven’t done anything but regurgitate what other people have done.
  2. You can call yourself a “Social Media Expert” without giggling.
  3. You suggest everything is a “fail” before you’ve moved out of your parents’ house.
  4. You think the world begins and ends with one or two blogs.
  5. You once had “marketing” or “PR” splashed across your business card.
  6. You make liberal use of the word “conversation” when nobody is talking to (or about) you.
  7. You only attend events that provide professional “opportunity” advancement.
  8. You have no industry perspective or prowess, yet you offer it.
  9. You use the term “Web 2.0” without knowing what it actually is.
  10. You think this list doesn’t really apply to you.

And before you point a guilty finger in my direction, Gnomedex was covering blogging and RSS back in 2001 before half of you assclowns had your own feed. In 1996, WordPress and Twitter and Facebook didn’t exist – but that didn’t stop some of us from sharing information with the world.

To the best of my knowledge (and understanding of history): it’s IMPOSSIBLE to define or label an era until we’ve passed through it completely. Nobody was wandering around during the “Dark Ages” talking about how they were living in the “Dark Ages.” Web 2.0 is a conference – not a technology or period of time.

Do you realize just how ridiculous some of you sound?