How to Raise Kids and Propagate the Geek Species 201

Geek!This is Christine Cavalier’s submission for the HP Magic Giveaway. Feel free to leave comments for this article as you see fit – your feedback is certainly welcomed! If you’d like to submit your own how-to, what-is, or top-five list, you can send it to me. Views and opinions of this writer are not necessarily my own:

Prerequisite to this course includes Birds & Bees 101. The “Marriage and Family” course helps, but is not necessary.

In this course, we will learn how to teach our iterations to carry the torch of the geek culture onward. We will be studying these five main guidelines on how to properly raise geeky spawn from pre-alpha stage to formal launch and Initial Public Offering:

  • Assume your spawn, even at an alpha release, knows how to do a lot of stuff already. “Baby” comes with a lot of bundled knowledge, including its own maintenance schedule. You shall not disregard this build. The notifications (a.k.a. “crying fits”) are varied, and you can learn to read them for the different error messages that they are. If you institute this strategy effectively, you will have a healthy spawn who has faith that you can respond quickly to issues.
  • Always read to your spawn, even in the pre-alpha stage. Your spawn has voice recognition software that kicks in at about 14 weeks after start-up. Contrary to lore, it actually doesn’t matter what you read. Code manuals are acceptable, but may educe error messages from your partner / venture capitalist (a.k.a. “significant other”). Lord of the Rings may be a bit more entertaining for your start-up’s advisory board.
  • As your spawn reaches the late beta stage, you will have been working in the “Attachment Parenting” model for a few years. You will have mastered the immediate response to bugs by instituting the Time Out malware. Sometimes repeated physical download of Time Out is necessary. Along with Attachment Parenting theory, you will also be comfortable with the behavioral / cognitive approach adopted by the ultimate geek spawn master, SuperNanny.
  • Share the geek culture early on, but in small doses. Overtaxing your spawn’s disk with too much data will crash it. All geek input may be rejected after a crash. There is no way to wipe the disk. Work out a timeline for geek upgrades and stick to it. Remember: Less is more.
  • Encourage Open Source. Share your knowledge and explore the world together with your spawn, but always remember to embrace your spawn’s unique abilities. Each spawn is an independent client. Remember that the geek culture is wide and vibrant. If your spawn chooses a different version of the culture to adopt, be Tier One line of support for that option. With copious application of the Love and Respect donationware, you will have a spawn that will not only continue our time-honored geek traditions but you will get profound Returns On Investment.

Please comment with any additions to the syllabus of this course. We encourage a “Devcamp” atmosphere, so please share any knowledge or insights you have about the subject in the comment section. Thank you.

9 thoughts on “How to Raise Kids and Propagate the Geek Species 201”

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  2. $? == 0

    The bit about code manuals reminds me of Col. Potter reading a gun manual to a baby in a MASH episode. 🙂

  3. Hilarious. I loved it, it is so truly stated. I am raising two geek species myself, one is already out of space from a special release that hasn’t yet gone into beta but works wonder.

    Can’t wait til you write about the upgrades.

  4. Great points. My daughter was converted to Open Source at the age of six and found no problems switching to Ubuntu or using Open Office.

    The humorous tone made it an enjoyable read as well.

    Bravo!

  5. Great work, I love the wording of your article. I can definitely relate to most of these thing in my own childhood.

  6. I’m interested in learning more about how to introduce social media applications to these lil’ geeks. Can they send a tweet fresh out of the womb?

  7. I’m not going to win this contest, I entered just for fun and inspiration, so I feel like I can comment back to you guys. (I always answer comments on my own blog and it feels unnatural to do it here).

    uberR: I totally forgot about that Mash scene. Funny!
    Otir: hey stranger! Thanks! Love to hear from my fellow geek mama!
    Jake: I already have 2 little kids!
    Private Void: Thank you! Love your icon pic by the way. Baker=fav dr. who
    Tyler: wow. You must have had some pretty geeky parents if you can relate this article to your own spawn-age! How did having geek parents work out for you?
    Hunter: hrmmm, social media apps. I’ll have to think about that. Female issue hardware operate that software better at earlier ages. We used ASL (American Sign Language) with our spawn and it was wildly successful. It is also a good set up for future sm apps. Good luck.

    Thanks everyone for commenting! This is fun! I wonder what the winning entry will be! I’m so curious, aren’t you? did they go for controversy, was it an uber geeky thing? Can’t wait to see!

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