Got Any Good Geeky Relationship Advice?

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I’m not an expert on anything, even though I may get introduced as such sometimes. I tend to dismiss that label every time. I got an email from TheMacinJosh. He has a good question that many of you may either identify with, or have some answers to.

I’m sure glad I went back to the chat room, and I’m sorry I missed out on it for so long! Anyway, my question is not tech related, but you usually always have good answers.
I’ve recently become single, and am wondering what the best way is to approach a girl I might find attractive. It’s difficult sometimes in situations where you aren’t exactly encountering them for any other reason. How might I start a conversation out of the blue, without it coming off as weird? The same thing goes for online. If I find someone on a social networking site that looks interesting, how do you think I should reach out to them without coming off as weird and awkward?

I’m somewhat successful with the whole relationship thing, I suppose, since I’m married. Marriage, for better or worse, is a relationship that will have good days… as well as not-so-good ones. Do I have advice for others? Of course I do. The first thing to remember is to not be overly eager. The more eager you are, the more it will make the other person shy away.

Confidence, as opposed to eagerness, is good. Don’t go overboard and become egotistical. But being confident about yourself, and comfortable within yourself, allows the other party to have confidence in you. You usually need to step outside of yourself, and that can be terrifying for some people. When you are faced with that situation, be confident in who you are. Know your strengths and weakenesses.

Think beyond the other person. You may be attracted to them, but ultimately it’s about finding common interests. Heck, it could be differences that bring you together to begin with. It’s finding things out about them over a course of time, and not just what they might post to their profile. At times, you can honestly get to know someone from the inside out better online than you can in “real life”. People tend to be a little more open about what’s inside of them when they aren’t so focused on how they come across with their appearance. Approach it in a casual fashion. Sit back, watch and share.


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14 thoughts on “Got Any Good Geeky Relationship Advice?”

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  3. Well, aside from general life advice (see my web site link), the biggest thing I’ve got is to be honest, talk about your relationship and how it’s going (meta-relationship convos FTW!), and remember on the first few dates that the person you’re with is just as freaked out and nervous about dating you as you are about dating them.

  4. Don’t use a line. Be yourself. If you cannot find anything situational on which to comment, just say “Hi – you seemed interesting and I wanted to say hello”.

    Girls get approached online by some really kooky characters, so if you just act as normal as possible you’ll be fine!

  5. I think you really hit that on the nail. I can’t really think of much else to say. My current gf and I started eating out together simply because we were complete opposites. We disagreed on religion, buying of clothing, use of perfumes, ect.

    At first, I thought she only did it for the entertainment value in hearing my opinions, but I came to realize I was a breath of fresh air for her. After sometime, we started to find common interests while enduring things only one of the two of us liked (e.g. her clothes shopping vs. my treks to hotdog on a stick. Enduring her fighting games as opposed to my rhythm games. Watching “P.S. I love you” followed by “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”, ect). Who would’ve thought through these activities we found that we both liked watching sports on occasion?

    It took a long time before we became official. Both of us were getting past getting scorned in a previous relationship. I think it was the first time the words my sister said was true. If you find yourself with someone you like longer than you spend with your family or on the phone with them, you pretty much agree you are a couple.

    I’d really stress about what you said about confidence. If you have confidence in yourself and what you say, she will listen and you can easily begin a conversation to lead into other things. Also depending on the girl, it may require a lot of patience to reach the stage that you want. It isn’t as simple as Baseball. If you decide to steal a base, you’ll pay for it in the end.

  6. If you are nice person, and ask for nothing from the girl, thats your best approach.
    Buying a girl something out of the blue, such as a dinner, flowers, or a gift makes her feel like you are trying to buy her and she’ll think you’re trying to make her feel like she owes you something, or that you are desperate.
    Treat her with respect, but don’t laud over her.
    No woman want a submissive man, or a man that gives gifts only to expect her attention in return.
    Girls just want to have fun.

  7. Retired marital and family therapist: As the question is posed it is clearly a stranger-to-stranger encounter. In such case attempt to strike up a conversation about a subject in the immediate environment. In a book store: about a book, in a grocery store: about a grocery item, etc. This avoids either of you as objects of the conversation and allows you to demonstrate wit, insight, intellect and gentleness. Men fail to realize that they are bigger, stronger and inherently dangerous, while women are ever conscious of that. If you develop a relationship by appearing rough and tough you may have gained a date with the woman from hell. Being witty, clever and gentle are initially very becoming features in a man. If this fails you, move on. Nothing really ventured, nothing gained. Since as I said at the beginning it’s about something in the environment, and you haven’t used either of you as the object of discussion, it shouldn’t cause a hit to the ego if you are told to scram. Nobody likes ego rejection and this method assuages that rejection to at least a comfortable degree.

  8. Be yourself, be honest. Now it’s been a long time since I’ve had to work at picking up a women so I won’t try to tell you how to do it. What works for me may not work for you.
    However, if you are lucky enough to find someone you want to keep remember this: There are only three things a man has to remember to stay out of trouble and get all of the THING he wants, and that is: I Love You, I’m Sorry and Yes Dear!
    Also, never never ever let her open a door for herself.
    A relationship requires work from both parties, don’t be a slacker.

  9. I don’t agree on the “confidence” angle. If you are writing in for advice, you probably should take the “humble” approach.

    I suggest a line something like: “I’ve recently become single, and am wondering what the best way is to approach a girl I … find attractive.”

  10. Be G-E-N-U-I-N-E in everthing you say and do. Nobody is perfect, so just be true to yourself first or you will :
    A) be too worried about whether you are following the script to have a good time.
    B) establish a persona that you can’t live up to.
    and the biggie…
    C)eventually get caught in your lie…and you WILL get caught…and then s/he will NEVER trust you again.

    Bottom line: you will meet many potential mates b4 you find THE ONE. Good luck, and don’t give up.

  11. Try God. Yeah, I know, God is probably not a subject you are interested in however, I grew up being taken to church and even though I was 42 when I got married, she was the right woman and I have no doubt that God brought us together.
    We’ve been married 18 years and have 3 kids, 2 raised and 1 on her way to wards adult hood.

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