I’ve Been Accused of Dodging Questions and Answers, So…

From this FriendFeed thread I started a few minutes ago, Mona asked: “How many cups of coffee do you drink?”

I’m down to a quad espresso – Starbucks, because Peet’s is too far and good espresso machines are too freakin’ expensive and take too much to maintain.

Tad asked: “Is God so powerful that he can create a rock that he can’t lift?”

Yes. I usually don’t answer questions if I don’t know the answer to the question, but… some people apparently want some kind of answer, no matter the question.

Mona asked a second question: “Why is the sky blue?”

According to NASA, “As the sunlight has passed through all this air, the air molecules have scattered and rescattered the blue light many times in many directions. Also, the surface of Earth has reflected and scattered the light. All this scattering mixes the colors together again so we see more white and less blue.”

Mona asked a third question: “How many boogers does a person have?”

On average? Five. That’s a total guess.

Mona asked a fourth question: “Why does a Macbook only have two USB plugs?”

I believe you mean “USB ports,” but the answer to your question likely lies in correlation between the production process and the product’s ultimate price. Simply put, they could accommodate two ports – because three wouldn’t fit, and one is the loneliest number.

Rah asked the question: “Where do babies come from?”

Sperm + Egg = Eventual Baby

MiniMage LightBlueRanger asked: “Why are we here?”

To make plastic, according to George Carlin.

Mona asked a fifth question: “How did Luke construct his lightsaber?”

Out of lips and assholes.

Justin Korn asked: “Are you going to answer these questions?”

Was that a trick question, or were you not expecting a socratic response?

Pete Delucchi asked: “Hello… tap, tap, tap, is this thing on?”

Yes, it is on – and stop tapping on my thing.

Matt Musgrave asked a series of questions: “You want a question that goes with the answer for 42? Well, how about what’s six times seven? Or how many Vogons does it take to change a lightbulb? Here’s one! How many roads must a man walk down?”

Sure. 42. 42. 42.

Joe Pierce asked: “What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?”

African or European?

Rah asked a second question: “Why do you look almost exactly like my youngest uncle?”

Pure coincidence, I assure you.

Outsanity asked: “Why do old people like CBS?”

Probably because it’s been around as long as they have?

Joe Pierce asks a second question: “If a unicorn farts in the middle of a magical cotton candy forest, and nobody is around to hear it, does it exist?”

If a blogger blogs a blog post, and nobody reads it, did it really get written? Oh, I’m sorry – I’m not answering the question again. I believe that it would (indeed) exist, if only in thought.

Yuvi asked: “Why is your name spelt like it was spelt by a script kiddie?”

I was tired of people guessing it outright a few years ago and decided to throw zeros in there. Really, for no other reason. Of course, I post it everywhere now, so… bleah. I guess it turned out better for SEO?

Tad asked a second question: “You don’t really answer rhetorical questions, do you?”

Yes. I mean, no.

Rah asked a third question: “WTF is a ‘l0ckergn0me?’ Is it related to the angry monkey in my closet?”

It’s a harmless little whatever.

Faboo Mama asked: “How many times a day does Ponzi call you a dork*? *dweeb, goober, geek, etc are also acceptable.”

On average, one time a day.

Morton Fox asked: “What would have happened in The Matrix if Neo took the blue pill and that turned out to be Viagra?”

Matrix II & III would have been much better.

Rodfather asked: “Do your farts really smell like a fresh pack of 3.5″ floppy disk labels?”

According to Ponzi, I’m not allowed to fart anymore… it’s been so long since I’ve done it. I can hardly remember what scent was attached to them.

Joe Pierce asked another question: “If a man got pregnant where would the baby come out?”

Likely out of his gut via some kind of Caesarean operation.

Carlos Granier-Phelps asked: “Is the answer really blowing in the wind? Why?”

Often you’ll find life’s answers drifting past you, if you’re not looking for them. When you’re looking for answers, be sure you’re asking the right question – or any question the ‘right’ way. Otherwise, the response may not be to your liking – or you’ll find it lacking in directness. Either way, it’s not the fault of the answer nor the answerer, but the asker for not being specific in their knowledge fishing. Why is contingent on weight ratios.

Chet asked: “Why DID the chicken cross the road?”

To get to the other side. It’s as simple as that. Srsly.

5 thoughts on “I’ve Been Accused of Dodging Questions and Answers, So…”

  1. Given the number of questions you had, it’s incredible that you got so many correct answers. I only counted one that was incorrect, and that was “Where do babies come from?”

    The proper answer is “Cincinnati”.

    (P.S. 6 x 7 equals 33. It’s 9×6 that equals 42. You don’t know your base 13 very well, do you?)

  2. Q. What’s the Best USB Flash Drive to Buy?
    A. None. One without a USB interface would be “the best”.

    Q. Is GTA IV the Best or Worst of the Grand Theft Auto Series?
    A. Yes. GTA IV is the best or the words of the GTA series.

    Q. Where Do You Go for a Bit of Web Fun?
    A. Somewhere on the web.

    Q. What kind of home security do you have?
    A. Use your imagination.

    Q. VMWare Workstation Coupon?
    A. “What are the functionally illiterate incapable of obtaining?”

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