Giving Relationship Advice

I’m not a doctor, and I’m certainly no relationship counselor, but that didn’t stop “Freedman” for reaching out for a bit of help:

I’ve been watching your videos for about two months now. You go into all sorts of topics, not just technology. I love your videos and enjoy watching them. Your videos never have a bias opinion and always give me a welcomed feeling.

I’m writing to you at this hour because my girlfriend pulled a fast one on me. After three years of on and off dating, she tells me she doesn’t love me anymore. She has done this many times in the past, and we’ve gotten back together four times since 2004. She says that she can’t live life with out me in it. But then when we start dating time after time, she wants out of the relationship.

I’m fed up with the emotional roller coaster that I’ve been on. We came to two choices. Either stay in the relationship with the absence of her love. Or break up and sever all contact with each other.

Should I just leave it all behind and start over? Or should I keep trying? Deep down inside, I feel as if I keep trying, there will be a reward at the end; the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m just so overwhelmed with frustration.

Well, Freedman… no matter her age, it sounds as though she’s not mature enough to handle a relationship. She doesn’t know what she wants! “There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”

You’re a fool for sticking with her, or thinking that time (magically) will make it all better. There are plenty of fish in the sea, dude – and it doesn’t matter what kind of guy you are. You’re better off spending your time and energy on someone else, or at least searching for someone else. I don’t care what kind of history you have with Little Miss Wishy-washy… make a clean break from her.

She doesn’t know if she loves you or not? That’s her problem, not yours. The bigger issue is that you’ve forgiven her countless times, and she’ll continue to abuse that privilege. Be careful with future girlfriends, too – because you’re likely to fall for the same kind of woman, and those relationships could turn out to be equally as abusive.

For whatever it’s worth, I’d say the same thing about this situation if the gender roles were reversed – because the shoe, quite often, is on the other foot.

22 thoughts on “Giving Relationship Advice”

  1. Chris Pirillo. Giving Dr. Phil a run for his money. LOL

    Man, Kontera is the shiznit. “love you at Dealtime!” LOL

  2. :O
    You should open a love section eh chris.
    I think the same tough, they can also try having some time alone, or even search for someone new, if they don’t like it maybe then make up again, who knows.

  3. Be that as it may, I might also add some of the following thoughts…

    – Women need to be listened to and appreciated DAILY, not when you find it convenient – sorry guys, but we all do this.

    – Women like a confident guy who is also okay on their own, without the other person there 24/7.

    – Women *need* romance. Not everyday, but you still need to be spontaneous to keep her interested. Guys have a nasty habit of believing “getting comfortable” is the goal in a relationship – WRONG! Ask any woman, she will set you straight really fast on that one.

    My wife and I are painfully candid with one another. When I am dropping the ball, she tells me in plain, simple English, not the usual subtle hints that we see with other women more often than not. I do the same for her in return, when she is pissing me off.

    And believe me it took massive work for each of us to “clearly communicate” what the other wants. My wife wants romance, I want to be heard, we meet in the middle. We both give 110% everyday and often times, pick up the other person when the other is having an awful day. This is why we have not killed each other yet! 🙂

    So in your situation, if this individual is stating that she is not sure that she loves you anymore, this may be an indicator of a larger picture.

    There is *no question* that her stating that she no longer loves you anymore is childish to the 9th degree – Pirillo is right on that. And perhaps, if this is a repeat problem, you are not best matched here. Sounds like she needs to move on as do you.

    But if this is a repeat problem with others however, consider what I said above – women don’t say stuff like that for the heck of it. Despite her very poor choice of expression, there may be a point being missed.

    Just remember that too much geeking-out and not enough time with loved ones will lead to problems. I used to be guilty of this myself, but then I made the commitment to make the time for my loved one.

    Make time for yourself, but also be damned sure to make time for loved ones as well.

    And just remember, there is more to love than simply saying after you get yelled at about something… 😉

  4. That’s a good advice, from our external point of view.
    We don’t know if Mr. Freedman is in love with her or not.
    If he is in love, it’s peraphs because he finds something really good in her personality besides her indesicions.
    If that’s the case, ask yourself the same question, can you live without her?.
    If you can’t, well, keep trying, follow your senses and hopes wich are telling you that things will get better. But tie your heart with your mind, and let your mind take control of the relationship with a hard and logical hand.

    If you don’t love her, then go out and freakin date as many women as possible!, recapitulate all those wasted years with her.

  5. Good advice.

    I don’t normally recommend this book to guys, but in this case, it could help out “Freedman.” He should check out “He’s just not that into you.” It’s more written from the guy not being that into the girl, but it will equally apply and help Freedman clue on and have the strength to move on.

    Kevin

  6. Try the “hard to get” approach, before you cut all bonds with her.
    Say that you want too to other stuff, when she asks you too spend time together. Spend the weekend with your mates, go to the movies, bowling alley etc..

    She will than figure out if she really wants to chase after you or not, and that´s when you know if you should continue spending time with her.

    I know, because I have been through the same thing

    Best wishes 🙂

  7. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. As much as we want to think so, people rarely change their basic behavior without much pain, soul-searching and a lot of help.

    You be the judge, Freedman. If you really want to live up to your screen name, it ain’t gonna happen until you make the changes YOU need to make. The only person you can change is yourself.

  8. Great advice Chris!! Not knowing if she loves him, must mean she doesn’t… how can you “not know”?

    Love is something that is pretty obvious. If you love someone, you love them unconditionally. No matter what, you’ll always know you love them.

    You may be unhappy, but you’ll know the love is there.

    Peter

  9. Note to Freedman: Chris is right on target with his advice
    When a Girlfriend acts that way,You still have the oppertunity to get out of Dodge,the Further the relationship goes,the Harder it gets to break apart.
    a relationship has to be contributed to by BOTH people,If you are pleasing Her but she is Annoying you then only one person is happy and it wont work.
    Remember Also,the best barometer of Future behaviour is PAST behaviour

  10. Chris your right find a better girl in your life like ponzi shes hot and sweet and she is probably good in bed =)

  11. Bravo, Chris.
    I don’t think you missed a single point.
    If it had been me, I might have emphasized the emotional abuse aspect a bit more. The poor kid has been (emotionally) beaten like a red-headed step-child, as they say around here.

    Freedman, it’s time to get the duck outta fodge. She’ll eventually make you into the type of person that is incapable of having a normal relationship.

  12. Here is the big question. What would happen if you were to talk marriage? And I mean the perminant kind not the hollywood kind.

    If she doesn’t “love” you (btw love is not a noun (feeling) it’s a verb (action). You by your actions choose to love someone.

    You have chosen to love someone, who has chosen not to return the action. Time to sever that unhealthy relationship.

  13. I believe it goes “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!”

    Many, many years ago I was in a similar situation. This girl was (physically) was a cross between Rene Russo and Drew Barrymore. And the word “No” wasn’t in her vocabulary.

    Not being able to witness the relationship first-hand, Chris offers the best advice. Our perception of love is as varied as the number of people on the planet. This girl may not even have the same idea of love as her boyfriend.

    To the girlfriend I mentioned above, a relationship was just a means to an end. In my case the “end” was transportation, as I had a nice car! As soon as she realized she that I wanted more that a “p-o-a”, she simply found someone else with a nicer hot rod whose needs were more “basic”.

  14. This is, BY FAR, not the best advice. I don’t mean to yell, just to emphasize.

    The problem is, nobody here knows who this guy is. Maybe he’s doing a lot of things terribly wrong and… should we still stand by his side? Why the hell does the girl keep saying she wants to be with him, but can’t be with him?

    Yeah, there’s no judgement here, because I don’t know him as well. I’m only saying we should think, consider and hear a lot before jumping on to something like that. We don’t even know what the problem is.

  15. Holy shit, when i read the post… i thought i was the one who had asked the question since the EXACT same thing happened to me about a month ago after the SAME situation.

    we are like relationship twins!

  16. All relationships are different. All people are different. But what I’ve come to recognize is that we have different “love languages” which are essentially five different ways people feel loved. Whether that be by gifts or hugs or surprises or whatever. To find what your love language is, I suggest reading “the 5 love languages” which explains each five that he designates.

  17. LET HER A#@% GO-OOOOWA!!
    She is just playing you like a yo-yo dude. After awhile even that plays out, the string comes off the hand and set aside…WHY?, Because like everything else it just get old. As for your girlfriend ya just get tired of the love motion sickness,up and down-up and down where it stops nobody knows!…just by texting it here makes me green in the face.

    The newnest has worn off. $$$ may play an important status in your life. you must have a good job or carreer with high end monies, a nice car~ any woman is attracted to it, even if you have a house will tell them that you are ready for a real relationship and want to start a family. Believe me many other women also see your poteintial and want it too.

    But you will never know if your in and out girlfriend keeps your mind distracted, your eyes blind from other female prospects (who just might be meant for you). I can almost garrentee that your girlfriend knows this too and might be affraid of letting you go until her transition with her other victim/s are final.

    People will say anything to get ahead from lying on job apps, taxes, credit cards and so on. I know for sure that when the sex is low or it’s not satifing her anymore for what ever reason and you get less and less each time, then there is someone else in the picture that she is giving it to.

    Don’t be a fool again , I am pointing out the tree that you are about to collide with or the man hole you are about to fall into and I say “HEY WATCH OUT!!” If you have never listen or heard any advice before please pay attention to this one. The reason she keeps coming back is because the one who promised her a rose garden never bought her a rose garden or a yard to put it in.

    By holding on to you who is her safty net…you know uh, just in case what ever she doing don’t go through the way she thought or the other guy/female changed their mind about her. Whos to know maybe she’s getting what she is doing to you.

    The Bilble says “Do onto others as you want onto you” and so far you are going to have a great future!! I don’t know about her unless you want to carry exrta stress on your journey.
    You only have two choices to make…”To Be or Not To Be”

    Get your mind in the play and eliminate you feeling for her even though you are still in love with your yo-yo…untie the string…and set it to the side~find another toy to play with dude.

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