The New Face of Advertising
I should have spent most of my afternoon in the hospital. It all started when I went to the grocery store to pick up some low-carb bread (which is really tasty, although it doesn't have much of a shelf life). As I was walking down the soup aisle, a can of tomato soup flew off of the shelf and beaned me in the side of the face. As blood started trickling down my cheek and onto my lips, I was able to read the label on the container (which was rolling around on the floor): “Save money if you buy me today!” Fair enough. I kicked it to the side and continued on my journey. By the time I reached the fruit aisle, the bleeding had stopped. I started to search for some spaghetti squash (another low carb treat) when I found myself sailing backwards onto the cold, hard floor. A stupid cantaloupe had rolled 'neath my boot. It, too, had a sticker on its shell: “Buy me and get another one free!” I didn't ask for the cantaloupe, so I pushed it away and headed to the checkout counter. I'll never shop there again, I swear. Things really started to get interesting on my way home.
I was no less than a twenty feet away from the store when a huge freakin' billboard came crashing into my windshield. I wasn't sure what was going on until I was able to make out the large lettering: “Learn how to drive carefully by taking this course.” Ah, fair enough – it had my best interests in mind. I wish more signs would bother to be as invasive. The damage to my car was minimal, but I was still quite shaken (not stirred in the slightest). Trying to conserve energy, I rolled down the window and let the breeze pass through my vehicle. Someone was grilling out tonight – I could smell the charcoal. Steak started to sound good, so I found myself turning around and heading back to the store. That's when a t-bone flew in through the other window and landed on my lap. I was able to brush it off quickly, but now I have this horrible stain on my pants that I won't be able to get out – even if I send it through the washer a few times. In a blink, I was back in the same place that had abused me just ten minutes before. The store's name?
The Internet.
Web marketers and advertisers who think they're actually getting better results with their intrusive tactics are deluding themselves, destroying the vehicles which could potentially bring them an audience, and generally making life not worth living online. I used to be dead-set against any type of advertisement blocker, but I'm having to reconsider that position. I understand supporting yourself with sponsors is sometimes a necessity – that's how Lockergnome keeps rolling along. But the day you see a pop-up or pop-under on our site is the day I quit. Tutorials have been keeping our head above water during these tougher times, but we still won't crack and force you to fall victim to one of the most heinous business practices of our time. Unsolicited e-mail is just as bad, and if that doesn't stop soon, then opting in to anybody's Inbox will become the norm – not just for newsletters. What I can't understand is why it's still happening? I shouldn't have to carry a shield with me if I'm just walking down the street. This isn't supposed to be a battle. This isn't supposed to be annoying. I'm working on a dummy invoice which I'm going to mail to every Internet company who refuses to play by MY rules. They'll get charged $100 per incident; all checks are payable to ME. If more people did this, perhaps they'd get the picture?
[I wrote this in 2002! A good friend reminded me of it today.]
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