2003

Everybody in southern California seems to be falling ill, so I'm sure it won't be too long before I'm KO'ed as well. Perhaps if I keep enough green “liquid death” (read: NyQuil) coursing through my veins, the bugs will remain at bay? Taste is the first thing to go when I get sick – which would explain my sense of humor as of late. I've moved my home office mini-television into the bedroom in preparation for the inevitable. Even if I don't become the next witless victim, I'll be able to fall asleep to Drew Carey reruns and wake up to Battlestar Girlactica promos. With red hot Wi-Fi, I'm also able to stay connected while under the covers. Adventure Elf, here I come!

Read more on Flu Season! Wabbit Season!…

Before everybody disappears for the holiday weekend, I wanted to extend a personal “thank you” to all my regular visitors, lurkers, bashers, and supporters. Y'all rule! True friends have made 2003 a year worth pulling through (and its not over yet). Tomorrow, we'll join hands and celebrate the miracle of our friendship. Let's just hope the turkey's fully cooked.

Read more on Happy Thanksgiving…

If you say that Outlook 2003 is better and faster with client-side operations, you're dead wrong. I detailed the downgrade in today's Windows Fanatics newsletter. Too bad someone hasn't developed a specific benchmarking utility so that I could prove (beyond a shadow of a doubt) how OL2k3's code is crappier. You may think the program is working fine, but after using it for a couple of months, play with OL2k again and you'll see exactly what I mean. Upgrade at your own peril – and start looking for a better Windows PIM. I stand by my original statement(s).

Read more on The Emperor Has No Clothes…

I can't stand it anymore; it's time to roll back to Outlook 2000 and pray to GOD IN THE HEAVENS ABOVE that someone keeps future versions of the PIM from going straight into the crapper for anybody not connecting to an Exchange server. If you rely on POP3 or IMAP, you'll be just as disappointed with the lame UI bugs and inconsistencies that plague Microsoft's latest client. Since IÂ’m going to keep the rest of Office 2003 alive, itÂ’s going to be quite a trick to downgrade midstream. IÂ’ll have to figure out a way to export my PST so that I can make the leap backwards without causing too much of a fuss. Where the hell are you when the world needs a better program, Chandler?!

Read more on Screw You, Outlook 2003…

I have a theory: Doc Searls is really Colonel Sanders. The resemblence is uncanny, and if you think about it for a second – the chicken king disappeared (allegedly due to death) right about the same time our faithful blogging cohort became better known. Speaking of random folks in Santa Barbara, I'm also a little disappointed that Michael Jackson didn't use a white Ford Bronco the other day. Perhaps its just the Dolmeh talking? Borborygmi can be fun, but only when it really has something to say. UPDATE: I stayed up all night and scoured the Web for a single image to prove my position. Here's what I found, and I'll let the result speak for itself.

Read more on Kentucky Fried Conspiracies…

I would like to register a formal complaint against the American cracker industry. Seems they can't produce a salty wafer without using the life-sucking virus known as hydrogenated oil. Why so passionate about this particular morsel this morning? My Vegas venture was cut short when I fell victim to food poisoning. At one point, I'm certain I channeled the spirit of Linda Blair. Had it not been for a friend, I probably would have died right there in the middle of my lumpy bed. She ran out and picked up a box of square carbs to help me soak up the bile that had been internally mixed with chicken caesar salad. I was ready to blame the greens when crab shot out of the middle of nowhere and into the crotch pot. Maybe it was shellfish of me to do, but I couldn't help but crack.

Read more on The Pukey Little Puppy…

Silence has been golden for me lately. 2003 is coming to a close, but I'm starting to learn who my friends are. I'm sitting in the front row for Doc Searls' keynote at Apachecon. He's doing a fantastic presentation on the “untold story” of this underground digital juggernaut. I was happy to introduce him (and a few others) to Scott of Feedster fame. Apparently, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer was just as impressed with what words I had to share on RSS. “Pirillo gave what I thought was an enjoyable speech.” Not everybody was happy though, and… I'm gonna try to buy Gregor a cup of coffee before I leave. No hard feelings?

Read more on The Doc Is In…

It is believed the decorated Christmas tree originated in 16th century Germany. In Italy, children place their Christmas letter under their father's plate. Lucy wants real estate for Christmas in 'A Charlie Brown Christmas.' Nutcracker figurines originated in Germany in the 1700s. 'Jingle Bells' was originally called 'One Horse Open Sleigh.' December 25 was chosen for the celebration of Jesus' birth by Pope Julius I in the 4th century. Just a few random facts from the 'Sounds of the Seasons' channel on digital cable, which will be on in my office for the next month and a half. I can't help but love this stuff! There are a billion religions on this planet, so I'm “forced” to celebrate the pop culture aspect of these winter holidays – so as not to offend anybody. Don't be a Grinch! My stocking will be full this year, and I can't wait.

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In case you were wondering, it's not a good idea to scan your social security card with a sheet feeder. Flatbeds work much better for these little buggers. Lucky for me, I happened to have a metal doohickey (from the computer repair kit my parents gave me a couple of years ago). After a few minutes of sheer terror… er, incomprensible mayhem… I finally jarred that tiger loose. My night would have been complete if only I could have made a run for the border with a friend. Softshelled fart-bombs from Taco Bell can fix anything, ya know?

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Ack! Every other pint of heavy whipping cream has this crap called Carrageenan. For some reason, it gives me a headache. Clover could be counted on to deliver a quality product, but it's only available at local Whole Foods stores – one around the corner from my apartment, and the other sits further down the 101. Either they're temporarily out of stock, or they're just not interested in keeping my store in stock. When I went back this afternoon, they had Alta Dena cartons on the shelf – which were previously known to have carried icky preservatives. When I inspected the label, the only ingredient was pure cream. I brewed a pot of coffee to give 'er the taste test, and this is just disgusting. I'm gonna “have to” drive down the road and pray that my brand can be found at the next possible grocery location. I may have to wait until later this evening to leave in order to avoid traffic congestion. I suppose I could call ahead, but… where's the fun in that?

Read more on Adventures in Cream…

What's been happening in my little world? Everything. I don't mind being cryptic when I want to be, but right now I have to be. Change has been in the air, and this past week has been quite a revolutionary one – further punctuated by a fantastic meeting this morning with Veronica and friends. All will be shared when the air is completely devoid of any dangerous particles, so keep your duct tape handy for now. Funny how weeks can seem like years, hours like days, seconds like eons. Don't sit on the edge of your seat for too long or your ass will fall asleep.

Read more on Jewel of a Day…

Dear Carl's Jr. staff: when one orders a six-dollar bacon guacamole burger, one expects guacamole to come with it. Dear apartment complex staff: when one's roof springs a leak on Friday night, one expects it to be fixed by Wednesday of the following week. Dear Oberto beef jerky staff: you have the best flavor on the market. Dear Canon Powershot staff: I would appreciate a better battery meter on your next model so that I'll know when to carry an extra cell. Dear Barenaked Ladies staff: you did a great job with the latest album.

Read more on Staff Infections…

Lockergnome has officially relaunched. I'd like to thank the academy, Jason, and Chance.

For years, I've struggled to define my path. People ask what I “do” for a living, and it's difficult to give them a specific title. Writer? Entrepreneur? Geek? They just don't work, because I've always done things differently. To put a finer point on it, here's what someone just called me: a technical Renaissance man for the 21st century. Hopefully, I can get that to fit on my next business card. Everything is suddenly starting to make more sense; it's amazing what a fresh perspective can provide… and clarity is only the beginning. The foundation is forming, and I'm ready to build. Could you hand me that electric hammer? Thanks.

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(a) kicking ass; and (b) kicking my ass. Regular Lockergnome operations were suspended last week while we did a little spring cleaning. Turns out, there's more dust under the couch than previously anticipated. That, and we've decided to go out and buy new pieces of furniture. Oh, yes… and it's not spring. I've been so caught up in the maze of my personal and professional lives, that I completely forgot about the hour gain this weekend. I look out the window now and see California smoke, but those fires rival these which are burning in my own little world. “I'd drown apart from that which I learned to live without.” My poetry is back with a vengeance.

Read more on Life is……