When Gretchen told me that Brent and Missy wanted to come over to our place to watch Apollo 18 13 on my iMac, I was a bit confused. “Oh well,” I thought. “It'll be good to see them again.” Turns out they were asking us to come with them to see Apollo 18 13 at the Metreon's IMAX. Even better! We ate a few pieces of sashimi, saw the Rankin-Bass Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer figurines, rifled through the new GI Joe figures, fondled some Jack Skellington stuff, made a digital postcard and sent it to
Robyn and Todd, and then saw the movie. I knew Bill Paxton's head was big - but I had no idea! I hear they actually had to shrink it down to get it to fit on the screen. Yeah. The credits started to roll and I exclaimed: “Oh yeah… Tom Hanks!” Just goes to show you: never mix wasabi with Teeccino.

If you have OS X, you *NEED* this program. It parses RSS feeds - including our Bits & Bytes. In this revision, the author has included links to Gretchen's blog, this blog, and a handful of other Windows technology sites. You can import and export your subscriptions, so it should be simple to swap stuff. In the future, you'll be able to post to your blog through it! Very impressive. Want a good starter list? Here ya go. Do you know of any more I should have in there? C'mon. Share!

My very first (true) digital video production was started and completed in less than a single evening - thanks to the convenience of FireWire and the simplicity of Apple's iMovie. Say what you will about the Macintosh, but it works without forcing you to fuss with anything overly frivolous. When the boys from The Greater Des Moines Partnership paid me a visit the other day, I finally had an excuse to plug in my Canon GL-2. I showed them footage from Gnomedex, and they seemed pretty impressed with the size of our crowd. Well, the camera sat there for another day before I finally decided to dump it into an application. Importing the clips could not have been simpler, I swear. Anyway, if you can remember, my plan was to film scenes around my wife's childhood home - which just so happens to be the family farm. Yes, I married the farmer's daughter. Ha ha. I dumped it to a QuickTime file, exported it as an AVI, then converted it into the Windows Media format for my convenience. So, if you'd like to take a look at where Gretchen grew up, let me take you on a tour of the Hundling Farm.

There's a new set of GnomeTomes - each one is less than $10.

“Just the tips, man” for Word 2000 is packed with over 500 of the most obscure and useful Word 2000 tips, tricks and shortcuts. Tips like: ALT drag to select a vertical block of text; press SHIFT F5 to jump to the last place you were working; double-click the gray area of the ruler to open the Page Setup dialog box. I'm telling ya, this ebook has it all. “Just the tips, man” for Windows Me is the one-stop source for Windows Me tips, tricks and shortcuts. You'll find over 500 little-known tips in this PDF that will increase both your knowledge and your speed when using Windows. And, quite honestly, most of the tips would apply to other versions of the OS as well.

“Just the tips, man” for Excel 2000 is easy to follow and fun to read. Chock-full of hidden (but incredibly useful) Excel tricks that even long-time users don't know. Whether you're just getting started or have been using Excel for years, this PDF is an essential companion to the world's favorite spreadsheet application.
“Just the tips, man” for PowerPoint 2000 is a must-have for any PowerPoint user. It's portable, and loaded with tips to help you spend less time creating presentations and more time presenting (or selling)! Try it. You'll see. From the first tip to the last, this title delivers.

I'm in the studio with Ato Boldon!

I finally got around to publishing the digital photos I took when I was in Iowa. Unfortunately, I didn't get any from Gnomedex - but plenty of other people did. No worries. Anyway, if you'd like to see what I saw, then take a look at this small collection of memories. Most, if not all, of the pictures are suitable for using as desktop wallpapers. All of the 4 megapixel (2272 x 1704) images can be made available to you for $5 via PayPal (I've gotta cover the cost of my camera somehow). I even have a super close-up picture of Gretchen at the Iowa State Fair. She's wearing sunglasses. It's not THAT exciting.

Okay, you asked for it. Not really, but I'm giving it to you, anyway. What? My face. That's right! Now you can have minutes of enjoyment on your Windows desktop with a jigsaw puzzle of the screen-squished Pirillo. How fast can you put me back together? It took the psychiatrist *17* years! And just when you think you're finished, I fall to pieces again. Yeah, the medication wears off quickly.

My Beta Brite is plugged in and the Webcam is uploading a new image of it every 30 seconds (whenever the software is turned on). I fed it a few different names earlier today, but am now going to ask you what else you'd like to see added to the mix. Entries must not exceed one line of text; I hope your URL is short - I don't have room for too many characters. I'll copy and paste your suggestions from the comments list first thing in the morning. Actually, second thing in the morning - the first thing I need to do is get some kind of breakfast. Perhaps ham with light cream cheese? Yeah, they don't serve the real deal at Cafe Moda.

“Since 1996, Pirillo's tell-it-like-it-is approach, which is all at once irreverent, humorous, self-deprecating but geekily confident, is winning followers everywhere. The influence of his daily television show on TechTV, his seven daily email newsletters which go out to 350,000 people, his burgeoning eBook publishing business, his annual Gnomedex conferences - are amassing a legion of evangelists who trust and believe in what he says.” That's kinda scary. First, to be lumped into the same category as Guy Kawasaki (a legend). Second, to have that much influence over people's lives. It was a pretty good interview, although (if taken out of context) it could sound as though I condone stealing.

Here's a Pirillo exclusive! No, it's NOT an ultrasound - Gretchen isn't pregnant (at least, to my knowledge). I probably won't post this link anywhere else, so that should make you feel more special than you already are. It's a walking tour of Our House (which is, ironically enough, in the middle of our street). I didn't spend too much time on putting it together, so don't expect gold. Originally, I was going to post it in the newsletter, but the WMV was a little too large for my liking. Since there are less people who visit my blog, I figured I'd limit the compilation's exposure to this audience. Enjoy!

Yes, I see what you're doing over in my wife's blog, Todd and Robyn. For what it's worth, Gretchen does most of the washing, drying, folding, and cooking around here. I do most of the organizing, cleaning, and… computing. What does this mean? Yes, I'll go hungry this weekend. Thank god for delivery. Oh yeah, it's delivery. We have food, but it requires preperation before its fit for consumption. And I don't prepare anything. If I can't pull it out of the fridge and pop it into my mouth without delay, then I usually don't eat it. Oh, and unlike SOME people, I don't have any secrets to hide.

Ugh… I spent half of today in bed. We were dark, anyway. Still, it was difficult to find motivation to do anything other than hit my mental snooze button. Gretchen's gone now, I've eaten dinner (sashimi delivery), and Sprocket is being forced to settle in for the evening. He was outside barking at nothing for longer than two minutes. That, in my book, is two minutes too long. I stayed awake long enough to walk down the street for my first acupuncture session. Yeah, I realize the irony - but it wasn't even close to being painful. In fact, I left the center feeling relaxed. It's like the sensation of being light-headed, without actually being light-headed. Diagnosis: lay off the caffeine. Teccino, where are you?!

I lay there silent on the sterile table, awaiting the vein drain. I hadn't a morsel since yesterday evening; nothing but water had passed through my system for over twelve hours. If this doesn't give me a clean report, nothing will. “Knock, knock!” The nurse thought she was being cute. “Who's there?” I answered. “The Marquis de Sade.” Oh, great. She had performed the last test, and done it quite well. Today, however, was a different story. After a few swipes of the alcohol-laden cotton puff, the needle started to slither under my skin. Instant pain. “Ow! Ow! Ow!” She didn't go in far enough, which is (in many cases) worse than going in too far. She pulled out, which was a mixed blessing. Hyperventilation ensued (the very reason I was here in the first place). She was ready to give it another shot. Pun intended. “Give me a few minutes,” I pleaded. The second prick was inevitable - just like a bad Ron Jeremy movie.

After my hands stopped tingling, I gave her the green light. “You've got great veins,” she remarked. “Thanks.” I was doing my best to concentrate on something else. Like, beagle pups running through an open field… calico kittens playing with a ball of yarn… schoolchildren laughing at… OH FUDGE! Only, I didn't say 'fudge.' I said the word. The big one. The queen mother of dirty words. The f dash dash dash word. It was all over. I was dead. Not quite, it would seem. I survived another botched attempt at a blood draw. My mind had already crossed the finish line, and my right arm wasn't faring any better. We'd have to reschedule. Next Wednesday would give me more than enough time to mentally recuperate. She apologized profusely, and I was very understanding. I couldn't even stick myself, let alone someone else. I'm sure she did her best, but she promised to set me up with someone with slightly more experience next time. Fair enough.

I left the doctor's office feeling only partially relieved. There was still time before my next appointment. The can of V8 taunted me. “Drink me.” Who knew tomatoes could be so cruel? I turned to face the clock hanging above the elevator doors. My extremities were feeling much better, but they'd have to face fate in another week. I thought to myself: “Look Chris, you're bigger than the needle. You can do this.” And I did. I walked back to the registration desk and asked for Hope. That was her name, after all. She was surprised to see me so soon (as was the Marquis). We wandered back into an open room, I exposed my bruised krelbow, and she prepared the instruments of doom. What happened next was nothing short of a miracle. From insertion to retraction, this was (by far) the least painful blood test I had ever experienced; it was a job well done. With three holes in my arm, I left the building feeling more confident than I've felt in a long time.

You have to understand something about me - I'm not the kind of guy who enjoys pushing the envelope. For me to do what I did this afternoon was completely out of the ordinary, and I can't help but wonder what other parts of my life are like the needle? What small, meaningless things have I been needlessly worrying about lately? The proverbial big picture is starting to come into focus. Does this have any bearing on you? Probably not. Other than knowing that I, too, am a human being - with real emotions. Writing this newsletter has always been therapeutic, and I'm thrilled to see that you've stuck with me for as long as you have. Does it mean anything in the overall scheme of things? Probably not. But if Lockergnome gives you another reason to check your Inbox every day, then I'm happy to have helped.

And in case you missed it, we've finally published a compendium of Lockergnome tips. That's right - a REAL book! Of course, you can also get the sucker in PDF if you'd rather. It became a family project when Gretchen offered to help organize and edit the sucker. Thank you! Over 1,000 helpful pointers have been logged, and now you can own the collection. It's ready to fly from our shelves directly into your hands. The good news is: the inventory isn't sitting in Jake's basement. Oh no, we're smarter than that. We went with a professional outfit to get it bound and blasted. So, if you want the paperback edition, it's ~$30 US dollars. If you're an impatient person, please consider the electronic version - it's a mere Jackson ($20). This marks the first time we're officially putting our content into print, so you might want to take advantage of it while supplies last.

She's going to kill me for doing this, but I have to warn you that tomorrow is Gretchen's birthday. She's turning XX. Oops. Apparently, she's broken those keys on my keyboard. She's also walked away with the W. I'm having to use a pencil to poke its contact. Anyway, I don't know if she'd be comfortable telling you that tomorrow she's going to be another year older - so I thought I'd do it. And don't ask me what I got her, because if she reads this before it's time, then that'll ruin the surprise. It's been difficult to shop for her this year, but I think she'll be happy with her gifts. She's been a good girl this year.