This is quite possibly the best portrait that has ever been drawn of me. Then again, it may have also been the first. Even so, I'm extremely thankful - and honored.

The Small Business Survival Committee released its 2002 Small Business Survival Index, which ranks the states with regard to a variety of factors relevant to the success of small businesses. Overall, Iowa ranked 44th in the nation and was considered to be one of the least entrepreneur-friendly environments, the study said. Iowa's highest marks came in the electric utilities cost and crime rate categories, where it ranked 12th and 15th respectively. The state's worst score came in the “top corporate income tax rate” category, where it ranked 49th in the nation. Iowa was middle-of-the-road in many categories, ranking 22nd in personal income tax rate, 20 in sales taxes, 22nd in workers' compensation and 21st in gas taxes. Iowa ranked No. 46 in unemployment tax and 36 in property tax. The District of Columbia had the least entrepreneurial-friendly polices, the study said. South Dakota ranked No. 1.

D'ya think Toronto could handle a couple of Pirillos? We'll be in SF for the foreseeable future, but after that…?

Thanks to everybody for sending along happy and healthy birthday wishes! Here's the real card the CFH staff gave me at the end of today's show. I thought about staging something but was truly caught off guard when they did it. If you see the rerun, you'll hear me trip over myself for about a minute before I gave the three-finger salute. Anyway, thanks to Evan for the fresh Kenya blend, and to Ginny and Dick for the fresh Peet's Kenya blend. You know me [Gnomie?] all too well. I just wish I had more time to do the things I enjoy doing - like blogging.

I have a few extra minutes right now, so I thought I'd tell you that Gretchen and I have reservations at a Ruth's Chris Steakhouse tonight (and we're taking a taxi there - not the MUNI). She apparently got me the McSweeney's / TMBG book. The box was addressed to her, but I was jonesin' for some opening-package action and ripped into it before reading the label. Her parents got me the new Counting Crows CD [Enhanced]. And, of course, I got a birthday summer sausage from my CFH co-workers. We're that “other show” on that “one network,” ya know.

Let the games begin.

Honestly. Today's show. Thoughts?

Just discovered Maltitol the other day.
Great flavor, but I fear the unburned 'carb' may be just as
fattening in the end. Here's the thing I don't understand: why
does a “fat free” label only apply to a food's dormant state in
its package? Plus, I wanna know why everyone who drinks a “one
calorie” soda doesn't look like it. And what's up with trading my
body's life for shelf life (read: what's up with hydrogenated
oil)? Dunno. Random observations from the commissary.

I'd love to repeat the phrases that spewed forth from of my mouth
when I gave the freshly-released WindowBlinds
v3.4 a run (but
I'll do my best to keep this issue family-friendly). In a word?
AWESOME. Now, I've praised Stardock's software in the past, but
they've really outdone themselves with this revision. I installed
it on my laptop to see how well it faired. You may not believe it,
but there didn't seem to be any performance sacrifice (at least,
visually) - and I'm the kinda guy who notices when things are off
by a few nanoseconds. Introducing non-essential UI elements has
traditionally dogged even faster systems. We may no longer be
slaves to that truth! When you're ready to
download it,
don't let anything stop you. When you're ready to
register
it, tell your significant other that it'll last longer than flowers.
New features include: the ability to
inverse window colors; can now color visual styles that weren't
designed to be colored; GUI controls can now paint different
versions of that control depending on the size; users can opt to
skin only the title bars on non-theme aware applications; etc.

I love y'all, but I got caught up in something big. Real big. Bigger than the biggest big thing ever imagined.

Regarding AOL 8.0, as a tester I can say that, “the more things change, the more they stay the same.” The desktop colors and toolbar colors have changed, but still perform the same functions. Icons are different. It still has that stupid “Channels” bar on the left that does nothing but get in the way. Realplayer still is a part of the install. It add a tool that runs “outside” of AOL that supposedly makes using AOL a bit easier. IM is now the beneficiary of wallpaper - as long as the person with whom you are chatting is using the same version. Email allows you to categorize it and you can block SPAMMERS a bit easier with the NOTIFY button on the email list. The address book features a few changes that are noticeable as well. Connection options now include something called “Home Network” which seems to be the same as the LAN settings currently supported. It's still a resource hog, still extremely proprietary, and still “everywhere you want it to be.” It is handy for traveling but I would not opt for it unless there were no options. And, if you have made any calls to TS lately you know, their TS department is falling further and further behind. In this case, you don't get what you pay for. I agree with the assessment of ISPs listed in the August 2002 issue of PC Magazine - AOL is way down the list when it comes to quality and support. Maybe that is why I keep on testing in the hopes that I can make suggestions that will improve things in some way. [Scott Holder]

I don't go to many concerts, but that doesn't mean I don't
appreciate listening to good
music at every waking moment. Tonight, a handful of Bay
Gnomies and I watched They Might Be Giants rock the Fillmore.
Melanie, Steve, Brent, Missy, Robert, Patrick, Gretchen, Matt, and
Mindy had a total blast. Well, it wasn't much fun when Robert got
his digital camera confiscated - but this was a show worthy of
five megapixels
(believe me)! Brent went to
the show last night, and I saw them play on the set earlier this
afternoon. They were selling a new CD (which had JUST been
released the other day); “They Got Lost” is full of a few
previously-unavailable tracks. If you aren't sure about purchasing
it outright, I strongly urge you to sign up for a trial EMusic account and download
a few of their songs in MP3 format. Oh, and check out the opening
act: Noe Venable. She's got
a few free MP3s on
her site, too. Give “Boots” a shot - very nice.

Does anybody know how to set a binary clock? Melanie got it for me
as a gift (which was a very nice gesture). Sure, I could read the
manual - but the ones and zeros start to look eerily similar after
flipping past the first page. You know me: I'm not much of a math
guy. In fact, I just discovered the other day that 'byte' was
short for 'by eight' (even though I already knew that 'bit'
represented 'binary digit'). I'd stick with a digital timepiece,
but it just isn't geeky enough for me anymore. How sad is that?
I'm ready to walk on the wild side. Maybe I'll get my laptop
pierced tomorrow? It could happen. I've been known to do nutty
things on a moment's notice, like changing my default Web browser.
Courtesy of Asa
Dotzler, I have an official Mozilla sticker, CD, and t-shirt
(which you saw me model in my Webcam the other day). Don't be too
jealous; Mozilla.org has
plenty of goodies to go around.

Looks as though Jake
and Lori are already having a blast in St. Louis.
They're at the Shareware Industry Conference, along with hundreds
of well-known program programmers - the people who make our
computers work the way we want them to work! We're doing our best
to convince them to join us at Gnomedex. They ask: “Who else
is going to be there?” We answer: “People who don't know you yet.”
They ask: “Then why should I come?” We answer: “Because it's a
business opportunity for you.” They ask: “What if I don't want to
learn anything or meet anybody?” We answer: “We can't really help
you there, but here - have lunch on us.” They ask: “Oh, the
admission price includes food at at Gnomedex?” We answer: “We
cannot provide every meal, but you won't go hungry.” They ask:
“So, why Des Moines, when there's nothing to do there.” We answer:
“You're 100% wrong. There *IS* something to do there: Gnomedex.”
Get it? Got it? Good.

Remember the episode of The Simpsons where Bart and Milhouse take over comic book store? Fast forward to the part where Bart and Milhouse are closing up shop. Turn on the closed captioning. You'll see a different dialogue. Milhouse: “I finished marking down the South Park stuff.” Bart: “Better mark it down again. Keep marking it down until it sells.”

1. A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.
2. You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee.
3. You can always warm coffee up.
4. Coffee comes with endless refills.
5. You won't get arrested for ordering coffee at 3 a.m.
6. Coffee never runs out.
7. Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.
8. You can take black coffee home to meet your parents.
9. You can make coffee as sweet as you want.
10. You don't have to put cream in your coffee to make it taste good.
11. Coffee doesn't complain when you put whipped cream in it.
12. You can smoke while drinking coffee.
13. You can put out a cigarette in a cup of coffee.
14. Coffee smells and tastes good.
15. You don't have to put vinegar in your coffee.
16. If your coffee pot leaks, you can use a regular paper towel.
17. Coffee is cheap.
18. You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it'll be hot when you get back.
19. They sell coffee at police stations.
20. You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee.
21. Coffee goes down easier.
22. If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn't put on weight.
23. No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
24. A big cup or small cup? It doesn't matter.
25. Your coffee doesn't talk to you.
26. Your coffee won't be jealous of a another cup.
27. Coffee smells good in the morning.
28. Coffee is good when it's cold too.
29. Coffee stains are easier to remove.
30. Coffee doesn't care when you dunk things in it.
31. Coffee doesn't care what kind of mood you're in.
32. Coffee doesn't shed.
33. Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less.
34. You can't get a cup of coffee pregnant by putting cream in it.
35. Coffee doesn't mind being ground.
36. No matter how bad coffee is, you can always make it better.
37. Coffee doesn't have a time of the month … it's good all the time.
38. When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.
39. Coffee doesn't take up half your bed.
40. Coffee doesn't mind if you wake up at 3 a.m. and decide to have a cup.
41. It can take up to two weeks for coffee to grow mold.
42. You can have an intelligent conversation with coffee.