My mom is beyond frugal, apparently.

She sent me a top ten list of ways a cheapskate saves money (undoubtedly, based on personal experience). Keep in mind that I’ve never done any of what she’s suggested, though:

1. When a friend or family member rents videos, have them give you the videos to take back so you can watch them for free.
2. When you go out to a fancy restaurant for dinner, order an expensive bottle of wine. When the waiter isn’t looking put some salt in your glass and make a big to-do about how lousy the wine is. You might get a complementary bottle of wine (and maybe your dinner free!).
3. Don’t throw away those drink cups from each of your favorite fast food restaurants! Hang on to them and bring them back each time you eat out so you don’t have to buy a drink. Just refill it!
4. When a letter comes (yes, snail mail!) and the stamp hasn’t been cancelled. Soak the stamp in water, lift it off the envelope, dry it out and glue it onto a letter you are sending out.
5. Never buy napkins again… just take several handsful at fast food restaurants and bring them home. Who cares if they have the restaurant’s logo on them, they wipe the same way as napkins you buy. If they don’t have a logo, voila, company napkins!
6. Never buy cutlery again… see #5 above. Use the same method.
7. Never buy paper towels again… if you are a woman, take a big purse into a restaurant bathroom and stuff it with the paper towels provided to dry your hands. If you are a man, just stuff them in your waistband. If anyone mentions you look a little fatter when you come out, just say it is due to sodium bloat from the food. NOTE: some bathrooms have hot air dryers, so always get the paper towels when you can.
8. Never buy crackers again… in restaurants that provide a basket of crackers with your soup, stuff all of them in your purse or pockets.
9. When you need a nice dress or suit for a special occasion, i.e. Prom or a wedding, buy the outfit you need then the day after the occasion, return it for a full refund. Be sure to save your receipt so you can return it!
10. Here is our very favorite one… when you leave a restaurant that has the candy mints, stuff a few extra in your pockets to last you awhile. Better yet at Halloween, grab handsful so you can give them out for Trick or Treat!

I wish this was an April Fool’s Day joke. It’s not.